Single, living with parents. No kids, one two year old male Border Terrier. In a couple of months, another male Border, a pup, will hopefully be entering the household. Unfortunately, when I leave, it means leaving them both behind with my family, who will be more than delighted to have them. And that's going to be excruciating.
I keep thinking 'I'm single, I should be exploring and stuff, shagging around at least, for crying out loud'. But it all seems so fucking depressing, and I can't even get drunk (a tiny sip of anything, even beer, and I feel horribly sick for 20 minutes or so. Thus, the only way for me to drink socially would be to knock back several whiskies in one sitting, and then go and try not to throw up for a while before returning tipsy enough to match wits with everyone else. And it just doesn't seem worth it, you know? Plus now I'm on medication that precludes drinking) so that really limits my opportunity to get to know people because alcohol is such a huge part of social life, and I just can't participate. I mean, I can go to the pub, have a diet Coke, and sit there nursing it stiffly while everyone else gets drunk. And I appear socially inept enough without doing the uptight non-drinker bit...
I agree with Jack, for once - love requires a fuck of a lot of work, from both parties. And, because of that, I'm not sure I believe that a loving, committed relationship will ever happen for me, even though it's what I want more than pretty much anything else. My relationships seem to end up in literal or figurative bloody noses. But I'm pretty much rock bottom depressed at the moment, so maybe I'll feel better about it all some other time. |
