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Pennyless and dependent

16:25 / 12.09.02

I feel bad about using Barbelith to vent one more time, but I need some kind of emotional support, and you guys are good at hugs.

I've been cleaning houses for the past 5 months, and am starting to get incredibly pissed off with the fact that I can't get more than £100 a bloody week. I could increase the number of clients, but my back is complaining and the amount of cleaning products I'd have to deal with would probly cause intoxication, or some kinda genetic mutation.

Feels like those 4 years in college, three learning languages, working part-time, researching, were ridiculously worthless!!! Did I do all that to hear people going "oh, sorry, you're non-EU resident/non-experienced/non-human, we can't give you this job as a WAITRESS."

Let alone as a "journalist". Phah.

Been turned down twice today, and for stupid jobs.

The worst is having believed things would get better when I got the student visa, but the golden brick road seems as far as brasil, now. Worse, for me, is being dependent on other people's good will (mum/dad, friends), otherwise I would be living in a cardboard box, eating beans and toast all the time. I HATE depending on others, as well as the pressure, the lack of freedom it brings.

Anyone ever felt like this? What can I do?

Also, I can't seem to be able to turn my mind to something more productive (ie.:writing) and magick/meditation are like someone else's (another "me", from the past) skills - got no motivation for them.

16:41 / 12.09.02

huge hugs. I know what it feels like to not be able to do what you want; i find it very difficult to get into a creative/writing mode when I'm concentrating on earning money.

I don't have any great cash-in-hand ideas, but I will definitely think about it. childcare? dunno. will definitely get back to you.

and another huge hug. you are dead creative and painted cool little pics on my back. whatever happened to the t-shirt idea?

17:15 / 12.09.02

Awww, sorry Pacha. Got no advice I'm afraid, but loads of virtual huggles.

17:19 / 12.09.02

Don't know if this helps or not, but have you given any thought to tutoring? You mentioned journalism and studying 3 languages...Maybe help someone with their English? Other subjects you're good at ? Maybe help students with proofreading thesis papers, that kind of thing? I know its hard out there, trust me, I know. Been working in the temp gulag myself, and cleaning offices, and whatever else I have to do to pay the rent and put food on the table. Most people I know work 2-4 jobs. And yeah, its easy to get depressed when you're struggling. Been there too.

Maybe make an inventory of what you're good at, and make some creative flyers, put 'em around town (laundyrmats, bus stops, coffeehouses, etc.) advertising what you can help folks with? I've seen others do it, everything from party planning and helping people get "organized" to computer help, cooking, pet care, jewelry making, you name it. In this bizarro economy, we have to be more creative than ever. The old days of long-term job and financial security are pretty much gone.

Hope things get better for you!

17:42 / 12.09.02

{{{{hug enorme}}}} Pacha.

The languages do sound like a skill to be milked for fun and profit but I know nothing of the constraints you're under with your visa status so can offer no concrete assistance, just beam you good karma.

17:46 / 12.09.02

((((((((((((((abraços querida. muitos deles.))))))))))))))))

10:04 / 13.09.02

Thanks, guys, feeling better now. Those hugs make so much difference you can't imagine.. Weirdly, I went to check today this job in which people are supposed to sell oil-paintings going from shop to shop in middle-class neighbourhoods. It's based in Camden, and you can make usually £60/day. Lets see what happens when I try.

Lilith, I found today someone who might be interested in helping me with this - the israeli owner of the studio which produces the paintings. I'll keep you updated...

Bill, the hugs are all I need now

Cheers!

Nutella, the inventory is a very good idea, and the flyers as well. Thanks a lot! (newbies with great ideas - this board is getting better everyday day)
Yeah, struggling can be very stressful and disappointing at times. There should be an Union of the Temps/Jobless Strugglers, which would hold weekly meetings where people would hug each other, tell about their "crap-work" stories and exchange tips and tricks.

Zocher, obrigada, querido!!
I hope everything works out smoothly for you and Ganesh when you grab the keys of your future-new-place.

Jade, que saudades, cara! E a casa com jardim, como anda? Vou pro Brasil no fim do ano, e queria saber se voce vai viajar no comeco de dezembro. Se nao, duas possibilidades: ou eu vou para o Rio ou voce vem para Sao Paulo e fica na minha casa uns dias!! Pensa nisso e me diz depois - ja que vou ter que levar o Meme para visitar a cidade, aproveito e levo voce tb. Obrigada, e varios bracos de volta para voce!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:11 / 13.09.02

hey, huggles and all kinds of cool stuff.

And don't worry about the "good will" of others- I lived off that for ages. Now (thanks to my dear departed grandmother) I'm in a position to repay the good will others showed me. Point being- you always look after your friends. If your friends are looking after you, and you know they're good friends, then they know that it's unconditional. They also know that if the situations were reversed, you'd be there for them.

(Sorry... this is a big theme in my own life right now, so if it sounds trite, then it's just cos it's well-practiced).

ANYWAY... don't worry about the job (yet). Don't worry about the money (yet). Concentrate on the motivation. It makes the other two easier.

10:17 / 13.09.02

Dunno if you've thought of this or if you can spare the time, but what about contributing stuff on a voluntary basis to mags etc. if you're an aspiring writer? You could always sign on and do this and do a bit of cash in hand barwork. (at least i think you can - not quite clear on your life circumstances).I'm sure it would be be a great confidence and motivation booster to get something published or even to be thinking in that vein.

I hope the Union of Temps will transmute into a revolutionary vanguard and lauch guerilla attacks against employers and agencies.

Much huggness to ya. Good luck.

11:42 / 13.09.02

Many hugs to you, pacha. Stoatie is right about the motivation being key. You aren't trapped and you are more than your shitty job. You know that, of course, but it is sometimes hard to see beyond the present. But its so easy to give advice.

Have you thought about the tutoring thing? I've lived off it myself, for a while. Its not great, but its a fuck of a lot better than what you are doing now.

12:13 / 13.09.02

Do you live near a university? Can you type? When I was in school (and still refusing to read books), people seemed to make good money out of helpless students by proofing and typing their essays for them. I used to do it for my friends so I didn't make much money at it, but sometimes I'd be too busy and one of my friends would throw a chunk of money at someone for this service. I'd always be dismayed and redouble my efforts to save my friend some money by doing it for $20 or lunch. The proofers/typists must have made good money or I wouldn't have stayed up all night out of pity for my poor friends.

The only advertising some of the typists did was little home-made signs up around the university, on the bulletin boards.

If you don't have a good printer, you might even be able to give the students the finished work on a floppy disk. Some students prefer that, anyway.

The Return Of Rothkoid

14:47 / 13.09.02

Biggest hugs, Pacha. You've sent me some sound advice in the past; save a bit of it fer yerself.

14:56 / 13.09.02

You know, I had an uncle who, two years ago, was desperate for a Portuguese translator - he's a lit prof, and the poetry of Camoens is one of his fields of study (the other is the work of Seamus Heaney, so go figure). I'm pretty sure he found an amenable Mozamibican (Mozambiquan?) to translate for him, but still: wouldn't there be translation jobs available on college campuses?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:03 / 14.09.02

Mega hugs, pacha. This must be unbearably frustrating for you. But you're smart, talented and accopmlished; I just know there's something round the corner for you.

22:43 / 14.09.02

Aaaww, thank you so much, guys!!

Mr. Illmatic, i'm deff for the guerilla thing, heh.. I've been writing a forthnight column for a brazilian website, but am trying to find more motivation write more, y'know? Maybe it's a cycle. The more you write and publish, the more you feel like writing.. Thanks for the words!

Stoatie, Lurid. I got it. I really did. It's already written on a poster on the wall, so I won't forget. Yep, I've thought about the tutoring thing, but, self-conscious that I am, there's always that "Am I good enough to teach others?" Argh. I'm making myself deal with it, though (and believe it or not, the TG has done wonders for me in this process!)

Auszilla, thanks! Another good idea to put on my flyers! I live near Middlesex Uni, so you know.

Rothkie, I will. I hope that tarot draw was useful, btw... Cheers!!

Grant, I'll certainly check at the university. The reason I haven't done anything related to translation is that one brazilian I knew who's in the bizniz said I'd have to have a special diploma in translation, which I'd obtain after an expensive course. Otherwise, nobody would hire me. So I gave up even before trying. Which is wrong.

Mordant, shucks! My dear friend in the same situation... You're everything you said of moi, you know that. And you are also very close to not having to do shitty jobs anymore!! We're multiwomen, fer godssake's!!

Huggles to everyone from a much happier pacha!

10:25 / 15.09.02

Hugs to you, Miss Pacha.

In some ways, I know how you feel. Even in the States after I'd graduated from college I had a heck of a time finding work for a while, and it was very frustrating, and I certainly did think, "Why the hell did I even bother?"

You have a special challenge as you're here in a foreign land and yes, it's harder. But you should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to come to a different country and try something that a lot of people would be too scared to do. No matter how difficult it can be at times, don't forget, you managed to get here at least, and that's something to be proud of!

I am sure there's a decent-paying job out here for you someplace. Unfortunately it might just take a little longer for you to find one. But don't give up! You're nice, you're smart, you're resourceful , you WILL find something!

*hugs* again, my friend

22:32 / 15.09.02

Hugs galore... don't give up.

Not advice, exactly - but a tip to cheer you up I hope?
This book always puts me in a better mood when I have one of my "what's the point"-days: "Hard" by Emma Gold. ISBN 0-340-76697-2.

Check it out - if nothing else, it works for a great pick-me-up.