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Ok eat this:
3.Luke Skywalker, Princess Liea, Han Solo and a fucked-up retro robot that looks like a big Chrome car part printer thingy (?) are hiding on a desert outcrop, spying on some villians (don't remember much about them). A big medieval army comes along and attacks the villians with tanks, and during the course of this conflict the Star Wars folk's hding place gets completely destroyed and they're buried under a pile of rumble. Then the army (which has emerged triumphant) realises digs them up and rescues them.
Luke & Leia now have blackened faces, and weren't particularly bothered about being buried because they claim they're immortal. Han on the other hand is rocking back and forth, clutching a big cardboard box and chanting "I'm dead. I'm dead..".
Leia tries to explain her robot to the Barbarian chieften, explaining that it can read minds and has a psychic connection with every other robot in the world, giving it access to a vast pool of knowledge. The robot reads the chieften's thoughts and reveals that he completely doesn't understand, and the closest object to which he can relate the robot is a watermelon(??). So in order to make things easier for everyone, the robot turns itself into a giant loaf of bread and everyone starts eating it.
4.I'm in this cramped basement apartment full of these miserable tortured artist type guys. They tell me that there's one woman who lives there who's having sex with all of them and thus making them all jealous and resentful of each other, and they're feeding their negative emotions into their grotesque art. I remember thinking "I wish these guys would lighten up a bit. If I was in their situation I don't think I'd really give a shit".
One of them is drawing thses really ugly bad phto-realistic pencil drawings of people's faces in pain and..
(here the dream enters it's 'hideous nightmare' section)
5. ..suddenly I'm in a white, clinical room, in which a doctor/torturer (who's never seen clearly) is slowly, methodically dissecting people, but after they've been cut up they seem to remain alive. Oddly, there's no blood, and everyone's fully clothed in rather grand evening wear. He's cutting people's arms off at the shoulder very precisely with a big, long saw .. there's a woman on an operating table whose had her head cut off and it's on the table next to her, rather like one of those pictures of ghosts in the Tower of London..
Somehow I get the impression that these people have agreed to be cut up, not knowing what they were letting themselves in for, maybe thinking that they'd transcend their bodies or get new ones or something..
The doctor's just finished dissecting another woman, and he's holding a CD which may or may not be her soul.. the woman appears to be trapped inside the CD (can't think of a better description) and is banging on it, screaming and trying to get out.. the doctor turns the Cd over and slllooowwwlly reads a name which is imprinted on it - Jacqueline. Then he throws the CD into a raging furnace, and suddenly I realise that the artist in the previous dream fragment is somehow recieving the pain of these people and drawing it..
Then i realise I'm next and the doctor gets out his big saw to cut my arms off. The woman's head on the table screams, and the doctor chuckles and says "thanks for that". I say "No, please, don't cut my arms off" and he says "you're right, I can't, this film's only got a few more minutes left to run". So instead he gets out a stanley knife and slices all my fingers, just below the nail. I ask him why he hasn't pulled my fingernails out with pliers, and he says "hmm.. I never thought of doing that. Luckily for you."
6. And then I realise that what has just transpired was in fact, um, the new Lord of the Rings film, which I've just watched, and I'm sitting in a fast food place outside the cinema with my mum and my brother, eating a giant toasted teacake.
I want to talk about how incredibly bizarre the film was, but they don't seem to bothered and are talking about something else.
The End.
I mean, really, i don't even want to think about what all that might mean.. |
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