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A request for aid

15:00 / 03.09.02

I've been struggling with negative thoughts, fear, and anxiety for the past two months or so. (whereas I've dealt with major clinical depression and anxiety for the past 7 years or so.) I was feeling great throughout the spring and summer and now have been spiraling down again.

I have been using positive thinking and willpower and trusting in the universe that I will find peace and strength to restore me to confidence and open myself up to love. Lately I seem to be losing ground, fast. I've done the therapy & pyschiatry thing and the medication thing for years, also done some reiki, acupuncture, johrei, affirmations (often writing them out and thinking them many many times per day), and sigils.

I want to break this pattern of cycles of depression and anxiety that really cripple me and interfere with my life. I've gone through about 5 major depressions and the pattern seems to be: feel good for about a year, maybe more, spend a year or two very very depressed, back to feeling good for a year and thinking "Whew! That was the last one!" and then getting severely depressed again, and so on.

I've tried shaking things up to break patterns, many of the suggestions that have been raised here when members posted with similar problems. Right now I am crying out for help. Anything anyone could send my way to help me choose love, open up to love, love of myself, forgiveness of myself, peace and serenity, strength and confidence, would be certainly appreciated. I know Gek is on this too, but I am feeling urgent in a way I haven't felt before on this matter, so I figured another general call out couldn't hurt. Thanks - peace to you all.

15:07 / 03.09.02

What if we did a mass sigil charging? You post a sigil and we choose a day (and possibly a time) and everyone charges it. Steady shots of energy and good vibes for 24 hours and from different parts of the world might do wonders.

Just a thought, dude. I want to see you beat this.

15:13 / 03.09.02

Sending you warm, pink light Hunter.

I can look around my digital files at home, I think I may have a spell or two for you...that is, if you want them.

I think it is common for magickal types to suffer from depression because our perception is often fine-tuned and sensitive to underlying intent. Sometimes, "seeing" the cold, hard realities of our world and fellow humans is very depressing to say the least.

There is a thread about banishing rituals that has inspired me to start doing them everyday again. I find this really helps with the astral debris I pick up during the day. It only takes me 5-10 minutes to do and I have been much better for it. I cannot let all those "energy suckers" take from me so, I clear them out...PRONTO!

~MT

15:13 / 03.09.02

Great Idea IMP!

I am willing to charge.

~MT

19:56 / 03.09.02

Thanks -- I'll work on putting together a sigil. I might have to mail it or fax it to one of you, since I have limited scanner access (pretty much Kinko's) and I'm not great at my web-fu.

I really appreciate the offer of support.

What spells have ya got to share, May?

20:45 / 03.09.02

These are rather simple but, effective.

Spell for Self-Energizing

This spell requires direct sunlight, either outdoors or indoors at a south facing window.

1. Make yourself a tea that includes solar herbs such as cinnamon, cloves, orange or lemon. (You may use a citrus juice if you do not want something hot.)

2. You will need a solar stone, such as citrine, yellow topaz, carnelian or yellow tiger's eye.

3. Hold up the stone to the sunlight in your dominant hand and hold the drink in the other.

4. Say: "Helios, Apollo, SunGod, Healer...strengthen me with your light"

5. Visualize the sunlight pouring into you, washing through you, especially your heart and solar plexus, also into the stone and drink.

6. Drop the stone into the beverage and drink as fast as is comfortable, (without swallowing the stone!!).

7. Put the cup down and soak up the sunlight for as long as you can.

8. You can wear the stone for further effectiveness. This way you will be prepared if the opportunity arises to do this again.

SO MOTE IT BE

Release of Pain

This is to be done on a rainy night outdoors. Stand in the rain and let it touch you - do not wear heavy clothing to protect yourself from it. Call the rain and draw it down harder. Cast no circles, lest the pain stay trapped. When the downpour becomes heavy, begin. Say, from your heart...

Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain
Rain take the pain

Rain wash away my pain.
Cry for me and take away my tears.
Rain wash away my pain.
Cry for me and take away my fears.

Hold palms open to the sky and let the rain fill them. Wash your face and eyes with it. Repeat this 3x.

Let your tears fall with the rain into the earth, into the rock. Let the pain and sadness go...release it. Visualize it leaving you and entering the earth to be bound by rock.

SO MOTE IT BE

I hope that will help you and anyone else who may need them.

~MT

14:13 / 04.09.02

Apart from any magical working, try adjusting your diet. Clinical depressions are caused by, or cause, a depletion of serotonine. Some food contains either tryptophane sugars or lysine, which is directly assimilated into serotonine. Eat more of the following:
salmon (lysine), black beans (lysine), peas (tryptophane sugars);I guess there are others, but this is what I know. I'm not a biologist nor a chemicist, but I know a regular diet of those keeps me up.

Also, look into the nature of your cycles: do they have any psychological cause? Is it dependant on your mundane status in life? Try hallucinogens to get some insight into that. I know clinical depressions have no psychological cause, but certain personal situations can trigger a new depression.

Wish you well,

16:28 / 12.09.02

I'm working on a sigil for healing myself permanently regarding these issues -- when I get it together & scan it, what's the best way to put it up here -- save it to a desktop and then just webfu it? Or mail or fax it to someone who knows what they're doing better than I do?

Thanks.

02:34 / 15.09.02

what's the best way to put it up here -- save it to a desktop and then just webfu it? Or mail or fax it to someone who knows what they're doing better than I do? what's the best way to put it up here -- save it to a desktop and then just webfu it? Or mail or fax it to someone who knows what they're doing better than I do?

Have you consider putting it in fluo colors on black a T-shirt? Then go dancing and feast on how it glows in the dark while charging it. Then get naked and loose it in the crowd. You can also make flyers of it and distribute it among unknown people, drop it in chairs, tables at restaurants, or simply give it to people that turn you on and are turned on by you.

Send it to me by fax or e-mail. I can scan it and send it by e-mail to heaven and hell, but I warn you: it will be an overseas call.

14:05 / 15.09.02

Hey guys, I'm new to the boards but I've been reading everythin a lot, and this topic interested me the most because I've been suffering from some mass anxiety too. Before June I was fine, totally normal, focused and happy. However I went away to film school for the summer, came back and nothing was the same. I measure part of this in my inability to cope with hallucinogens now. It used to be that I could take them and have a wonderful time. But ever since leaving and returning I can no longer indulge. For whenever I do, I am made aware of a black pit of loneliness that exists inside me. I don't know where this loneliness comes from. Part of me thinks that after going to this school, I was forced to be on my own, alone without any emotional support for a long period of time and now something is different. I'm looking at the world differently, and my energy feels different. I wondered if anyone had any ideas to help me get rid of this lonely feeling, to find my place again and to get my energy back in focus?

Tryphena Absent

14:31 / 15.09.02

I don't think you're meant to take the hallucinogens anymore hon. You've experienced something different for the first time and had to relocate yourself both physically and in your head. It's changed the way your energy centres itself and you haven't had a chance to balance yourself out yet. More importantly your body is telling you no more drugs, you're not alone, after a period of a year smoking dope pretty constantly my body completely rejected it. The effect is worse than mushrooms particularly when I feel insecure about the people around me, I hallucinate, the floor doesn't stay still...

So the question now would be how you're going to find your centre again? If you want to do it with magick in mind then the question is what do you practice? Witchcraft, shamanism, chaos, something less specific?

14:56 / 15.09.02

Yeah, the hallucinogens are out for the time being. Which means I need to find new ways to access a different perception of reality. At least until I feel on the same level (not necesarrily the same WAY), as I did a few months ago. Mystically, I am a Kabbalist by bloodline, however going through all the proper texts to find the right rituals for that could take years, and that's assuming the ones I need are translated to english. Mostly I immerse myself in all the mystic arts, believing that the root is genereally the same and that a combination of all magicks practiced with extreme care, love, respect and discipline will produce an extremely powerful mystic. I've seen it before. So, I will take suggestions from anyone who can has them. Thank you guys so much for your help. I've had a great time lurking around the boards, reading some very intelligent insight into the mystic world.

20:56 / 22.09.02

Thanks to all who've posted here -- I'm working on getting the sigil scanned/on the Net (although I might just mail a physical copy to you, Imp, if that's ok, along with some goodies I got for you). Peace and much appreciation and gratitude....

20:20 / 23.09.02

I've finally scanned my sigil; emailed it to Imp, Seb, and May, but I don't know how to put it right on the screen here.

21:22 / 23.09.02

Hunter, Which addy of mine did you send it too?

22:04 / 23.09.02

Nicely done Hunter!

15:02 / 24.09.02

I gave your sigil, Hunter, a little zap when I was posting it.

Just bumping this up so others can get a chance to lend their aid.

Chin up Hunter!!

~MT

16:27 / 24.09.02

Charged.

Feeling better already.

20:19 / 24.09.02

Thanks much, May, for putting it on the Net and on the thread!! And thanks to Imp also. Charges welcome. I felt something happen inside me when I scanned it in and sent it out -- sent it to some other friends, too, who aren't necessarily into magick. But I'll explain its basic meaning to them. I know this is going to help me loads; thanks again. It really means a lot to me.

13:40 / 27.09.02

*bump* for anyone who hasn't yet seen this thread; additional charges/help are much appreciated. Thanks!