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I, Product

 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
08:30 / 26.08.02
Ripping-- sorry, riffing off mod's thread.

We are all product. According to the immutable laws of working life in the Western world, all we have left is what we can sell and all we have to sell is ourselves.

So, sell yourselves. You've got over eleven hundred rival brands. Make me want you.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
12:26 / 26.08.02
"Just like Mom used to make."
 
 
—| x |—
20:07 / 26.08.02
"We are all product. According to the immutable laws of working life in the Western world, all we have left is what we can sell and all we have to sell is ourselves."

And isn't this a symptom of the sadness, the sickness, the disease (the dis-ease) that inspires malaise? When you can't get out of bed, or shut yourself in your room because you feel that your packaging isn't pretty enough or desirable enough to attract potential buyers? When you feel the need to sell, sell, sell, and not meeting your quota means that you aren't worth the water of life—the water that moves and flows, the water that is you?

If life is a gift, then isn't any particular life a gift too? Not given only to the bearer of life but to be given in the spirit of giving? Unattached and unabashed, unashamed and unafraid, genuine in a world of the fake—simulacra—real in the face of simulation of the real? Unshorn and unpolished: in the rough? As you, as yourself, without trick ponies, without holographic flash, and bells and whistles? Take the rose with the thistles?

Product implies production implies manufacturing, but since when is an individual—a human being—intended to be artifice over authentic? And "immutable"?! Isn't this merely a sell-out, a buying in, a cop-out, a coping, to Frankenstein monster machine out of control? A giving in, a succumbing to system that brings down, that puts down, that crushes with hardened souled jack boots on the neck that carries precious life—oh precious life!—to the mind that pulses with imagination, passion, and feeling? Can there be soul in selling? Or does the soul reside in the giving?

Isn't the wanting in the deceiving—self, other—weaned on desires unfulfilled that arise because eyes have seen one too many advertisements of manufactured beauty, acceptance, and desire?

"Children of the cardboard temple"—trapped in a package of illustrious image, fixed—and fixated—in a wrapper of appalling appeal, worthless or at least decreased in value once removed from the “original” packaging?

But one cannot play if one remains on the shelf, in the box amongst the other boxes, another item on a list of stock!

Let yourself out! Unwrap yourself!

Product, the complement of division, the result indecision about worth and worthless—worth less than whom?

[this rant has been brought to you by MODZILLA enterprises: selling empty boxes because the Western world wants only an image]
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
21:44 / 26.08.02
Solitaire Rose: King of the Lousy Rat Bastards, your one stop cynicism shop. If you like him, tell your friends and if you don't tell your enemies because it's a great shitty trick to play on them!
 
 
the Fool
21:50 / 26.08.02
Need more vest in your life?
Want your life to be better than porn!

Get yourself a Fool™, we rock!
 
 
Monkeyzilla Vs Tokyo
22:02 / 26.08.02

She creeps through the darkness. Slowly going insane. Waiting, waiting. She can smell your brains. *pause*

Monkey-She wants your brains.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
23:23 / 26.08.02
Piffle, Mordant. Piffle. I mean, c'mon... look at me. Is there really any need for overblown sales pitch when the product's class should be obvious to anyone with eyes to see, ears to hear or nose to smell?

I think not. 50 million little monkeys can't be wrong.
 
 
Ganesh
23:26 / 26.08.02
"Reassuringly expensive."
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
23:44 / 26.08.02

Qalyn has been known to cause showers of money and fame. A significant number of tests produced spontaneous orgasm upon exposure to Qalyn. Qalyn is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before taking Qalyn.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
00:46 / 27.08.02
I'd like to see full-page mockups of these ads, thanks.

I'd like to think I'd feature in large stories in copies of ritzy mags like Fictionsuit Aficionado, Derring-Do Quarterly, The Fez, The Olive (The Martini Drinkers' Weekly) and Stylish Yet Impractical Lifestyles. What my ad campaign would be like, I don't know. Presumably a b/w Lynch ad. You know: some kind of vaguely stylish yet intrinsically-unsettling schtick.

With one word on the screen at the end:

ROTHKOID.

which then fades to either:

ARR!

or, in the other version,

SMASH!

Take your pick.
 
 
Saint Keggers
04:33 / 27.08.02
KEGBOY!

You know that feeling you get in your mouth the morning after you've been drinking all night?

He doesn't.
He's never seen a "after he's been drinking".
Infact he's drinking right now.
But he wont be driving.
No.
Kegboy. He wont be driving.

(9 out 10 doctors have looked like 18 out of 20 doctors to Kegboy)
Incase of side effects just add beer.
Side effects have been know to include a interesting amount of blood in his alchohol stream.)
 
 
Seth
04:55 / 27.08.02
exp: fucks ass for a fiver
 
 
RadJose
06:37 / 27.08.02
rad jose: he's not rad, he's not spanish, he's just stupid drunken fun for the whole family! he cleans up real nice and is polite to his elders, but don't worry kids his swears and fucks just like the rest of you. rad jose, he's everybodys friend.
disclaimer: MUST BE CLEVER! if yr stupid he'll berate you and if yr smart he'll scowl at you, and if you can't hold yr liquor he'll laugh at you a lot, but get you a blanky and a pillow while he calls you sissy.

the picture for this a shot from above looking down while i give the camera a smile and roll my eyes givin' a huge thumbs up, i'd be wearing a hawiian shirt and you'd see a flask in my front pocket



sied note: i have a sticker on my computer monitor that reads "the product is you"
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
06:42 / 27.08.02
Stoatie... because beer doesn't drink itself, you know.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:27 / 27.08.02
My last one was a bit shit, so I'll have another go...

(with apologies to Um Bongo...)

Way down deep in the middle of Stokey
A hippo skinned a fat one up and had a little tokey
He washed it down with absinthe then he did a line of coke-y
The rhino said "I know... we'll call it Um Stoatie

Um Stoatie Um Stoatie they drink it down in Stokey

The python picked a passion fruit, the marmoset a mandarin
The pirates painted packets that the whole caboodle landed in
So when it's time for sun and fun and goodness down in Stokey
They all prefer the drunken motherfucker they call Stoatie
 
 
Mourne Kransky
10:18 / 27.08.02
"Selected for Cuteness"

(c) Mazarine elevated (Mwah!)
 
 
jUne, a sunshiny month
11:18 / 27.08.02
ohhhh sorry we broke the mold after seing the mess done with the fabrication of our first Junejune. it's too bad but really, really, you don't want to have your own at home. really.
 
 
The Natural Way
11:36 / 27.08.02
Dassyrunce: the Dallylady's choice.
 
 
Nietzsch E. Coyote
04:06 / 28.08.02
FENRIS 23 tm

23 times better than the original!

He is your ultimate source of useless facts.
Ask him anything!
If he doesn't know it no one will.

Magick
Psychology
thingamabobology!

just don't ask him to do anything.
 
 
Saint Keggers
04:20 / 28.08.02
Kegboy: The best of what an evolution has to offer but without the wait.
 
 
Saint Keggers
04:23 / 28.08.02
Kegboy: Like a nice wine in front of a fire place on a cold winter evening. (Not tested on most animals)
 
 
the Fool
04:53 / 28.08.02
designing for you
making things brighter
with added bonus levels™

I'm gonna use this one for me graphic design thingy... if I ever get it off the ground...
 
 
gridley
14:09 / 28.08.02
While a picture of me smiling manicaly blows in endless wind in front of the camera, a group of charming young ladies begin to sing:

"He kidnapped himself,
but had to pay his own ransome,
he's smarter than monkeys,
and almost as handsome!"

Then while the girls creepily chant the name "Gridley" over and over in a breathy whisper, the picture finally sticks to the camera, slightly askew, and my voice comes up over the girls:

"Feeling a little emotionally involved in your divorce? Your father's colon cancer getting you down? Well, if you had Gridley in your home, you wouldn't give a shit. Thanks to Gridley's patented IRONIC DETACHMENT, you'll be able to cooly joke about even the most insanely tragic shit that's going on, by removing yourself from any sort of human emotional framework. And it's FUNNY!"

Then, as the screen goes black, the following words appear on the screen:

"Remember, what we call IRONY, the Buddhists called ENLIGHTENMENT. And that's what you'll have plenty of, when you call 1-800-GRIDLEY!"
 
 
The Natural Way
15:01 / 28.08.02
Dassyrunce: Skunnosskinrab!
 
 
Morlock - groupie for hire
16:38 / 28.08.02
Does exactly what it says on the tin.

Buy one, get one free, only while stocks last!

(Remember, the value of your investment can go down as well as up (mostly down).)
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
19:58 / 28.08.02
Why should you want Johnny O for your buisness or pleasure? Here's why, stupid!

[intro music is Jimi Hendrix's "Machine Gun" from his first Band of Gypsys cd]

lyrics: You gotta go with the flow! Yeah, even a jellyfish'll tell ya that. But jellyfish's been floating so long, and so smack...oh lord, he don't got a bone in his jelly back...

[picture of me, dressed to kill, with a rakish smile on my face]

[voice over]: Need someone to play a Shams Tabriz to your Rumi? Someone who won't say "I understand" when he really doesn't? Someone who looks damn good in Mavi (tm) courdoroy slacks? Someone who can keep calm when the world is ending? Someone willing to give God the finger when He asks "what did you think about the Book of Job?" Someone not afraid to punch a crackhead in the throat or borrow money from the homeless insane?

Well, silly, that someone is Johnny O! Virtually immune to ontological shock, he'll be Johnny O for as long as you need him in almost any situation you can put him in! Stays crunchy in the milk of condensed space/time! Remember, kids, you can't punch a cloud! With his powers of Zen witlessness (learned at the Flamming Carrot University for Fools and Art Carney's Academy for Unconstituted Chicanery), he comes gaurunteed with amazing powers of perception, a thirty-two inch waist, hair most women would kill for, and the unmitigated gall to charm the pants off your cat!

Johnny O: in a world of solids, he's your liquid friend!

[end music]

Warning: Requires obscene amounts of drugs, and demands that the enviroment be filled with attractive people. Good with animals and kids, awful with members of the Water Dept.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
20:29 / 28.08.02
After just one bucket of potus you will have no furthe Pavlovian needs or your drool back.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
20:29 / 28.08.02
After just one bucket of potus you will have no further Pavlovian needs or your drool back.
 
  
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