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Just been psychoanalysed, need a second opinion

13:18 / 11.08.02

'Pologies for the self-indulgent thread. This is more for people who have met me IRL, but I value the opinion of anyone.

I had a long chat with a friend on Wednesday night, who mentioned that I always seem detached in some sense, that there is a part of me that doesn't seem to be present. The conversation seemed to spill over into other areas, like the fact that I'm hard to get to know, that I don't display my feelings, and that I intimidate some people (even some of my closest friends have admitted that they find me intimidating, which I don't understand at all!). The person who sparked all of this is very similar to me, and usually very insightful, so it's made me want to ask a few others to see if they've picked up on anything. She seemed to indicate that it may be a cause for some concern, but in a vague kinda way (I rather think it was something that she found hard to verbalise, she wouldn't have said anything if it had been a trivial concern).

Don't know what I intend to get out of this exercise, if anything...

15:28 / 11.08.02

I think you have to consider that said friend (and I'd be curious to know who it is as I have a suspicion), was just giving you her personal impression, and - I suspect - she has similar assumptions about other people.

even some of my closest friends have admitted that they find me intimidating, which I don't understand at all!

You lack bullshit (or rather, you appear to lack it), which is unsettling to some people. I think that most of us are used to a certain degree of neurotic or irrational behaviour in those we meet, and to not encounter it can be seen as intimidating.
Personally, I’ve always found you incredibly calm with yourself and where you are in life, which I find settling as opposed to worrying.

(Incidently, my other half thinks you're a cute fluffy bunny monster

)

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

17:22 / 11.08.02

I have never met you outside Barbelith, so I don't know how valuable my word is, but here goes...

I get that a lot as well. Mostly from people who haven't known me for as long as my closest friends, but it still disturbs me that someone finds me intimidating because I spent a good bit of my younger years being intimidated by everyone else. In my case, I think it's because these days the area inside my head is just as big as the area outside most people's head. Put simply, I'm in a place where a lot of the stuff most people get really concerned about doesn't mean much to me at all. People complain that I'm not really human because this stuff doesn't bother me. I think they just don't like not being able to tell what I'm thinking at any given time. But screw 'em, they'll understand in time.

You lack bullshit (or rather, you appear to lack it), which is unsettling to some people. I think most people are used to a certain degree of neurotic or irrational behaviour in most people, and to not encounter it could be seen as 'intimidating' to some.

I agree. Not with the lacking bullshit thing, as I don't really know you, but if this is indeed the case, many people are unsettled by that because (as noted earlier) they can never tell what you're thinking. Which bothers a lot of people, I've noticed.

20:43 / 11.08.02

I can be a bit of the same way as well. I usually find myself only bullshitting with those I've known for awhile or an occassional interesting stranger. I was at an engagement party yesterday and found that with most people, I can only break into conversation with the things I share in common with them. Once depleted, we'll start looking at our shoes till someone else walks up, usually to carry along with the other person. Yet if the topic is deep, I can find myself saying too much and relating too many things. Oh well, happens to the best of us.

In some ways it can be reflective anywhere. I see it in me when I'm here even. You'll probably only see me fill in my 2 cents around here (rarely in conversation) and I doubt I'll ever start a thread here unless it's a big topic or need info.

21:38 / 11.08.02

I've only met you once, so I don't know how valid my experience is. However, I found you to be a straight-talking, engaging, interested/interesting person. Detached would probably be the last word I would choose. I went away from our short yet deep conversation about Kaballah thinking that I'd got to know something about you, that you were very passionate about your interest, and that you were friendly, warm, welcoming and non-judgemental. I wonder if your friend has some of her own stuff going on?

People often tell me that I can be intimidating, and I try to moderate my behaviour if I think it's getting out of hand. But I think I'm a pussycat. And the people who say that to me are often people I find a little scary.

Sometimes it can be hard to separate the feedback from the person.

Jack The Bodiless

19:05 / 12.08.02

?!

Your 'friend' a fruitloop... sounds to me like she's either not nearly as perceptive as you think, or has her own stuff going on...

You're a private individual who (unlike me), doesn't usually feel like blethering on ad nauseam about their feelings. This isn't necessarily a Bad Thing, any more than my emotional crapulence is a Good Thing.

You're by no means detached. And just because you don't immediately open up like a flower when you meet someone new does not make you difficult to get to know.

I think the 'intimidation' thing is more to do with the aura of calm you carry with you... A lot of people could certainly see that as an indication that you were totally focused, or Buddha-like (that's where all my Buddha jokes come from. Do you see?), which can be intimidating to those who find themselves plagued by worry or nerves about all manner of things.

Gimme a call, little one. Let's talk a bit more about this.

19:54 / 12.08.02

I've only met you a couple of times, man, so I'm not sure how insightful I can be and jack is the one who really knows you but...

You really do have an aura of serenity that I have never really encountered before. This doesn't make you cold or intimidating, in my opinion, but perhaps people might be shaken by it? But it is a positive quality, not something to worry about (or whatever it is that Buddhas do instead of worry). You have presence, but you also have warmth.

21:18 / 12.08.02

Love the abstract, by the way.

Your friend is off on one- ze isn't talking to the same exp I know, at least!

Nobody can please everyone all of the time. just because you don't fit hir preferred model of social interaction, whatever it is, doesn't mean you're broken.

21:41 / 12.08.02

Expressionless - I agree with Jack and with Lurid here, but also wanted to add that some people might be thrown by your ability to sit and listen to someone else, and then think about what they have said. This is rare. Most people seem to go along the patent KCC route of listening and then immediately jabbering on about their own experience to show that they understand (read here an apology to anyone to whom I have done this lately), they really do... and perhaps it's a mark of how neurotic everyone is that the fact that you don't seem to do this unsettles people.

22:21 / 12.08.02

You're one hot shagamuffin...

23:17 / 12.08.02

LOL. The only one here actually qualified to psychoanalyse me just ain't interested in a doctor/patient relationship (unless there's kinky costumes involved)...

Thanks everyone. I dislike experiences like this 'cause they kinda get under my skin. Doesn't particularly help when you're projecting your anima like crazy onto the person in question, so maybe I've only got myself to blame. Next time I'll come equipped with a ghat.

Tez: you don't know her.