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ZoCher's Gift List

12:03 / 08.08.02

It can't be psychologically good for ZoCher to have his birthday in the Heartily Sick thread. And if there's anything Barbelith's good at, it's lists, let's make him a gift list for furnishing his new London love nest.

So come on now, give it up for ZoCher:

1) Lovely amoeba-shaped Nambe serving dish... or ashtray... well, I'm not sure what it's for... but it's so interesting, isn't it?

12:06 / 08.08.02

Hang on, here's a card...

12:07 / 08.08.02

A 70 piece tupperware set in pale orange. Look - everything from a lettuce spinner to 3 teeny wee dishes for, em, nutmegs. And elastic bands.

12:11 / 08.08.02

A pair of lovely paintings to decorate the flat, one of a woman with a blue face in a forest, the other one of a big chubby faced little boy with a large tear rolling down one cheek.

(Legends of the Crying Boy and fatal fires to be disregarded).

A presentation tin of quality dubbing to keep leather trousers supple.

Two diamante-inlaid cat collars. Bells optional.

A Morrissey-shaped nightlight. That never goes out.

Tryphena Absent

12:14 / 08.08.02

A tiger skin rug complete with stuffed head at the end.

12:15 / 08.08.02

A 'Wha's like us?' tea towel to remind ZoCher and his sweetheart of Where They Come From.

12:17 / 08.08.02

The 2002 Broons Annual (you do get the Broons in your neck of the woods right?)

And a painting of Dogs playing poker.

12:19 / 08.08.02

Ooh, yes... I'm seeing tartan curtains, a big cartoon Nessie on the wall above the fireplace, his'n'his comedy tartan-hats-with-ginger-wigs attached hanging on the hatstand, a small bald doll in a piper's costume on a table by the telephone, which also holds a message pad in the shape of an Aberdeen Angus, a big mattress in the bedroom for stuffing money under, and a deep fat fryer and a collection of Mars bars in the kitchen. Lovely.

12:20 / 08.08.02

Are you sure this is a Broons year and not an Oor Wullie one?
Either way, here's a pair of nice buckets.

12:39 / 08.08.02

Oh dear, seem to have kiled with with an overdose of shortbready Scottishness.

So - I'll stump up for two shiny PCs, side by side, so they can be online at the same time. With a cocktail cabinet within easy reach.

The Return Of Rothkoid

13:11 / 08.08.02

Oor Wullie! I had an Oor Wullie annual once. Fuck knows how it got to Australia.

But I digress.

I add a fez. Bears label "must be worn with rakish tilt".

13:25 / 08.08.02

Then I'll toss in a raincoat, a pair of John Lennon sunglasses and a trilby, for when those "must act out Secret Squirrel fantasies" moments strike.

13:56 / 08.08.02

We must have mood-lighting! I'll add a pair of Niagra Falls lamps - the kind with the moving screen inside the shade, so that it looks like the water is actually crashing down the Falls.

14:14 / 08.08.02

Happy birzday, Zocher. For more mood lighting, I bring a carved elephant holding aloft a candle holder with pricket and beeswax candle.

14:18 / 08.08.02

A lightsaber. A purple lightsaber.

And a Chocolate Orange.

14:47 / 08.08.02

Greed is good! I want it all! Well, maybe not the fine art from the Sax & Bear Gallery…

& I haven’t forgotten the promised ramekin dishes, Sax! Mmmmmm, ramekins, lovely. Not quite sure what a ramekin is, actually… Hope they will match my fabulous lettuce spinner (which I use to exercise the cats) and the gorgeous Nambe dish from Persephone in which I keep my amoeba.

The tiger skin rug is gorgeous and furry, Janina, but I was rather hoping to train the Bear to lie down in front of the fire and be gorgeous and furry.

Sadly, the inevitable house fire occasioned by the cursed painting of the crying boy consumed all the Scottish tat, irreplaceable as it was. Also (even sadder), Sax, I have to report that the cats already sport studded bondage collars but I'm sure our cissy boy cat would prefer the camper diamanté version.

I might miss the lovely “Jimmy hat” but fortunately have another fez for my collection (now numbering 2), thanks to Rothkoid. Ganesh and I can now both wear fezzes and pretend to be Akbar and Jeff (when I'm not being Secret Squirrel on assignment, stalking Ariadne on Sax’ behalf and hoping to pick up more discarded tupperware and kitchen utensils from her bins.)

Iszabelle, I can scarce conceal my glee over the lovely Niagara Falls picture. It’s just like the one we have so often admired in the Chicken Outlet on Willesden High Street, with the startlingly realistic water effect.

And a pricket! All to myself. Quite lovely and so useful, Cavatina, although I'm probably not using it for its intended purpose...

So kind, so kind (he says in Queen Mother whisper and wipes away a tear…

17:53 / 08.08.02

But I'm sure you'd like a backlit hawaian scene wall fishtank as well as all that stuff...right?

Happy birthday mate.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

18:10 / 08.08.02

*Hands ZoCher a brown paper package (tied up with string), winks meaningfully.*

Enjoy.

19:35 / 08.08.02

Zoom's Fantastic Barbershop!!!

This coupon good for one shave of the nether regions.

Redeemable anytime.

22:21 / 08.08.02

An astrakhan salt and pepper set - a cruet, almost (but cruets are so declasse, dahlink).

Not terribly useful, but very nice to stroke and play with, and therefore the type of thing every right-minded person should be acquainted with...

23:12 / 08.08.02

*nudges ZoCher*

Mordant's present's moving, dearest. I think she's lent us Lurid...

19:10 / 09.08.02

[Julie Andrews] These are a few of my favourite things... [/Julie Andrews]

Big MWAH to you all!

21:11 / 09.08.02

here have the height of seventies kitcsh, a fondue set!

ONLY NICE THINGS

21:33 / 09.08.02

(Akbar and Jeff)
Sometimes we have arguments.
It leads to kicks and shoving.
Some call it passive aggression.
We prefer to call it loving.
(/Akbar and Jeff)

A Haus of lovely birthday huggles, and a welcome mat out front.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

21:53 / 09.08.02

So, now your daan in London you can finally come out about your love of Chas'n'Dave songs. Just think of all those larvly cockerny knees ups around the ole' joanna, this rabitt that rabbit, that rabbit, this rabbit. The best of album is surely on its way.