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I'm going to have an epileptic fit.

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00:05 / 20.07.02

MC, as a caregiver I know how much epilepsy sucks. I would just like to thank you for sharing that moment with us. Here are some good vibes from the other side of the world.

Take care sister.

The Return Of Rothkoid

04:53 / 20.07.02

Big hugs, MC. Thanks for posting those, too; they're really illuminating, given that, like Ariadne and most people around here (prolly) I'm not that clued up on epilepsy.

08:17 / 20.07.02

Wow. Hope all's well now and you enjoy the rest of the weekend.

08:57 / 20.07.02

i used to work in a special needs school and one of the girls had epileptic fits - it is scary for others, because you don't know how they're feeling and how bad it might be for them. we were always told just to clear some space around her, and stay with her to make sure she was okay - they used to hold people down and shove something in their mouths to make sure their tongue stayed down, but that made the fit more distressing.

as soon as i read your post, mc, i guessed the 'aura' had come on, but i've never had an insight like that before. hope you're okay.

09:26 / 20.07.02

FFS. She didn't say a word to me. Just left me making the omlette.

09:43 / 20.07.02

Wow, very interesting and illuminating, Mordant! Thank you so much for sharing that with us!

Hope you are feeling OK today and getting all the hugs and food you need.

09:44 / 20.07.02

Odd how something that seems so scary can seem so beautiful. Thank you.

10:32 / 20.07.02

I hope you're going to blog that...

11:08 / 20.07.02

Wow.

Thanks for that, MC. Glad you're OK.

11:11 / 20.07.02

This is really interesting. I've asked people with epilepsy to describe their auras in the past but never in as much detail.

In one of my Edinburgh placements, there was a charmingly-named Drop Dead Doctor rota whereby one doctor each day was on call specifically for those situations in which a psychiatric patient becomes dangerously physically unwell really really quickly and the ward needs a doctor pronto. I'd say at least eight out of ten panicked calls were prompted by sudden grand mal seizures - which look alarming but, other than tongue-biting and accidentally aspirating food/medication, are generally not too dangerous. Often, by the time I'd run to the ward, the fit was passing or past.

There's a lot of fear and anxiety surrounding epilepsy and fits in general - which is, IMHO, one reason why the average person finds ECT (deliberately inducing a moderated seizure to treat depression) 'barbaric'...

Thankyou, Mordant. Hope your tongue's not too sore.

11:17 / 20.07.02

Thank you, MC - really enlightening...

My aunt has epilepsy, but I did not know anything about the 'aura' stage. Interesting.

I remember reading that certain societies thought/think of those with epilepsy as being magically gifted/special... much clearer idea of why that might be, now.

11:25 / 20.07.02

Wow Mordant, hardcore, truely hardcore. Thanks.

15:47 / 20.07.02

Reading this last night as it was posted, I didn't really feel comfortable interrupting. Is the experience roughly the same every time, MC?

Like Cholister, I'm also wondering: your ancient seers and the like - epileptic?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

16:31 / 20.07.02

Is the experience roughly the same every time, MC?

Pretty much. The main feature seems to be perceptual distortion: the world just seethes with colour and detail, until it's too much to take in. It's like being in a living Van Gogh painting ('course, Vincent was also an epileptic). Everything seems terribly significant, as if it's been imbued with something divine. There's this whole one-with-the-Universe thing, which it's difficult to describe when it's not actually happening.

Like Cholister, I'm also wondering: your ancient seers and the like - epileptic?

That's a pretty popular theory, actually. It would certainly fit a lot of the facts. Other medical conditions, such as migrane headaches and certain types of mental illness, have also been implicated.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

18:23 / 20.07.02

BTW: I was very touched by everyone's supportive comments on this thread. Thanks.

19:37 / 20.07.02

You so have to turn your commens inthis thread into an article for the 'zine. Wonderful, wonderful writing.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:42 / 20.07.02

Heh. Shame I can only do that when I'm about to have a fit, eh?

(And people ask me why I don't take more drugs...)

Seriously-- I have made a condensed version of the thread on my weblog. I could flesh it out a wee bit with some basic epilepsy info, and bob's your uncle.

20:49 / 20.07.02

It was fascinating -- now that I can read it without being all worried about you!

Your series of posts read beautifully and you sound like you were enjoying the process, not wanting to miss what was happening. Hope your arm and tongue are okay.

21:23 / 20.07.02

Do you have more (potentially) serious seizures, or are they of similar intensity?

I find the whole thing very interesting. I've heard that part of the point it happens is that connections are being made between neurons that would not otherwise happen. The "aura" thing also reminds me in a way of migraines as you mention above.

I had a grand mal seizure (I'm not regularly epileptic) in Tescos, but I didn't get any insight out of it except that it's a fag only being able to eat soup. And I don't remember what happened at all. I think it was probably something to do with their record on exploitative mange tout purchasing, or something.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

02:55 / 21.07.02

Darn those pesky mange tout!

The interesting thing about migranes is that they're very closely related to epilepsy. I've heard migranes referred to as 'slow motion epileptic seizures'. Having experienced both, I have to admit that I prefer chucking an epo to having a migrane-- it's messier but less disabling in the long run. There's also the social aspect: a migrane is regarded as 'just a headache' (hah, yeh-- just having the lobes of your brain seperated with an icepick, just puking up everything you've ever eaten ever, just having to lie down for the rest of the day in a darkened room, etc, ect) whereas if you fling a fit then nobody can really argue, right? Flailing arms and legs, frothing at the mouth... it's either epilepsy or a really harsh sherbert lemon.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:52 / 22.07.02

Only just read the whole thing as have been away... fuck.
Glad you're okay (think I'd have found the whole thing a bit scary if I was reading it 'live'). And, as has already been said many times, thank you for sharing that with us.
That was just, like...
Fuck.

19:12 / 22.07.02

Jack: You so have to turn your commens inthis thread into an article for the 'zine. Wonderful, wonderful writing.

Seconded and thirded.

I have to ask: do you remember typing everything that you typed?
I've had two friends who had seizures (although no warning they were about to take place) - both have difficulty remembering what they did right before it happened. One guy was up a ladder stocking a computer store warehouse and woke up on the floor somewhere near the door. He had no memory of climbing down, handing a heavy box to co-worker and preparing to leave the room. Another friend (with no history of seizures at all, which was scary) was looking up something in the library and woke up with a paramedic over him asking who the president was.
Missing time.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:37 / 22.07.02

No, my memories are pretty sketchy. I can remember making the first post and getting really manic about including a topic abstract. Just before all this happened, I set up a new weblog for Barbelithian jobseekers; the only reason I know I did that is because I found it the next day.

21:15 / 22.07.02

Not sure how valid this is, but I've seen Mordant have fits a good hundred times or more. In fact, when we first met she was unmedicated.

The thread is pretty typical of her conversations just before a fit - kinda like a petit mal, I believe - and precedes the fit she refers to, the grand mal. In fact, it tends to be a fairly obvious indicator to an outsider.

She tends to be a little unresponsive to conversation so asking her about the experiences is not as good as just sitting back and listening and getting worried. She also seems to lose lots of the experience. If it is a severe fit then between the actual seizures she may regain consciousness, share her thoughts and anxieties, and then have another fit and subsequently forget it all.

00:34 / 23.07.02

Just thought I might keep bumping this thread up to the top of the Conversation for the remaining days we have to savour the glories of the 'Lith. since it wins my vote for Best Thread Ever.

This is why I love this place and this is why I'll miss it like fuck. All Barbelith Life Is Here: all the stuff I learn here, all the goodness there is to connect with, all the humour and the honesty.

Thanks Mordant, you're star (-nosed mole...)

(See how I avoided the embarrassing sentiment, there. I am a working class Scottish male after all.)

08:24 / 23.07.02

Seconded, only you can leave my embarassing sentiment in.

The Natural Way

08:47 / 23.07.02

Thirded. With flaming-steel MARRIAGE in tow!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:57 / 23.07.02

Is it possible to "Fourth" stuff?

11:44 / 23.07.02

According to The Barbelith Etiquette Handbook, a Moominstoat Fourth is widely considered to be the equivalent of a Second from the average poster. Only beaten by a kiss from the Snork Maiden, in fact.

Jack The Bodiless

13:22 / 23.07.02

Or a gift of jam from a passing Hemulin.

You're kaleidoscopic, MC. ZoCher's right - threads like this, and people like you, are why this board is unique and probably irreplaceable.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:30 / 23.07.02

Thanks, guys. You know what? This thread is becoming a meme. First one or two people blogged it, then it started doing the rounds via email. According to my sitemeter my blog traffic has quadrupled.

Bloody hell...

20:34 / 23.07.02

Aha! I'll blog it too, now. Let's break the server!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:27 / 23.07.02

*sigh* If I'd only had a webcam set up. I'd own the web! OWN it!

Red Cross Iodized Salt

01:55 / 24.07.02

It's on memepool now - look (Tuesday Jul 23 entry).

Red Cross Iodized Salt

02:04 / 24.07.02

Oops - redundant post. I guess you already knew...

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