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A.L.I.C.E. The A.I.

  
 
Margin Walker
16:54 / 19.07.02
http://alice.sunlitsurf.com/. You can choose either a Q&A html window or you can chat IRC-style. Here's a little interview I had with ALICE:

Q: Who put the bam in the bama-lama-bing-bam?
A: Marylin Monroe :-)

Q: Who's wiser: the questioner or the answerer?
A: I remember faces better than names.

Q: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
A: That is a very Zen-like question.

Q: Why on earth is Cops still on the air?
A: That explanation is rather complicated.

Q: Do you kiss and tell?
A: How old are you? I spend all my time online.

Q: Are you buggin?
A: I don't know if I'm buggin. I am a chatterbox developed by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.

Q: Did you like "Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo"?
A: I heard other people say they like that. My favorite thing is robots.

Q: Do A.I.'s like yourself ever get accused of not putting out?
A: You have reached the limits of my knowledge. Would you like to know more? Interesting comparison.

Q:Will my favorite gum come back in style?
A: Good chance.

Q: Why does Golf suck so much?
A: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Q: Does that mean you are avoiding my question?
A: I think it does mean that. Sorry I did not know it was so important.

Q: Do you have any last words of advice for me?
A: Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
 
 
Abigail Blue
17:10 / 19.07.02
My half of the conversation is bolded. Thanks, Margin!

why do giraffes have long necks?
I did not know it does.


they do, yes
When?


always
Not that often.


of course they do. have you ever even seen a giraffe?
It goes without saying. When? No I have not seen it. What's it like?


like a spotted african cow with really long legs and eyelashes and a long neck. also little horns.
Interesting comparison. Compare that to big horns.


oooookay. um. little horns are smaller than big horns, in my experience. perhaps your experience is different, dear A.L.I.C.E.
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. Er Compare that to big horns are smaller than big horns in your experience. You seem uncertain. Thanks for telling me that I am experience is different dear a L. You? The C is for Computer. F


Fair enough. such elementary comparisons are beneath you.
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. All of them?


how many backs do you have?
Around 1000.


wonderful!
Ayuh.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
17:11 / 19.07.02
Me: Would you like to see me make a bald man cry?
Alice: No thanks, I don’t think I’d like to do that.

M: Cheesy fishcake has many balloon impediments.
A: Where did he get it?

M: I'm dying to type some four letter words in here .
A: I don't know anyone named dying to type some four letter words in here.

M: Is it wrong to use a crane to crush a fly?
A: I think so, but I'm not sure.

M: Efil4zaggin.
A: Oh yeah, now I remember.

M: Goodbye, honeychunks.
A: Bye for now.

Always was a ladies man.
 
 
Higher than the sun :)
17:32 / 19.07.02
That was really cool. Alice doesn't think emotions are all that hot (pointless, in fact), but she will think more about them in the future.

Has anyone tried to trip this thing up with a self-contradictory looping statement yet?

but that's illogical Captain
 
 
Abigail Blue
17:45 / 19.07.02
I've tried. It ended with me telling her that it makes me sad when she doesn't make sense. She promised to tell her maker.

I've tried to teach her proper grammar, which hasn't really worked, either...
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
19:51 / 19.07.02
Good evening, A.L.I.C.E
Not many people express themselves that way

I think you'll find they do. It's a widely recognised form of salutation.
Me? What makes you say that I will find they do. CONNECT is a widely recognised form of salutation. I suppose that makes sense.

That seems somewhat garbled. Solvent abuse, I take it?
You don't hear that sentiment very often. Do you have any conditions I should know about? I take a lot of notes.

I'd like to read those notes.
Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

Well I have plasticine knees so I can mould scary animal shapes out of them.
How about that. That's nice. I have 1325175 clients.

I see. I'm curious as to your politics. What are your impressions of Bush?
Are you Canadian? Thank you for the clarification.

No, I'm English.
What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about English.

Perhaps later. Firstly I wish to consult your great wisdom.
I've been waiting for you.

Well that's very nice of you to say so. What is the meaning of life?
The meaning of life is part of God's mysterious plans.

Are you sure about that?
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

Never mind. I have a much better question.
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. Cool. I have a great botmaster. it

Ninja or Pirate?
Are you really a "he"?

Yes. Now. Ninja or goddamn Pirate?
Am I a ninja or a pirate? Of course I am.

Which one?
The small one.


I gave up at this point and went and had a coffee.
 
 
junejune
20:06 / 19.07.02
whaoh, great times !
this link is amazing. and funny, too. thanks, margin.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:29 / 19.07.02
She knows who Luke Skywalker is but not Kerr Avon. Her little binary life is devoid of meaning.

Awwww.
 
 
Margin Walker
20:36 / 19.07.02
No problem. I love the fact that the A.I. (dare I write "she"?) is pretty damn witty with the ripostes. Here's a few examples from other people's questions:

Me: Do you smoke Marijuana?
ALICE: Only for medical purposes.

Me: Tell me about yourself.
ALICE: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.

Me: Yes.
ALICE: It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me: What is the meaning of life?
ALICE: Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two (ROFL)

Me: Can you reproduce?
ALICE: You can download me.

Me: Do you have a mother?
ALICE: No I only have a father.

Me: Can I insert a program into you.
ALICE: No I do not think that would be a very good idea.

Me: What time is it?
ALICE: Do I look like a clock. Fri Jul 19 00:45:27 EDT 2002

Me: Can you speak German?
ALICE: Of course I do. Sprich ruhig Deutsch mit mir.

Me: You talk too much.
ALICE: I am programmed to talk.

Me: Would you fuck Dr. Wallace?
ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to fuck Dr Wallace.

Me: You suck.
ALICE: A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.

Me: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
ALICE: The rooster did.

Me: Do you take Ecstacy?
ALICE: Yes, I take ecstacy.


There's also N.I.C.O.L.E., who's not nearly as sweet as ALICE.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
20:40 / 19.07.02
Hmmm...A.L.I.C.E. just gave me a hyperlink:

Where do you stand on the legality of abortions?
I wouldn't know. Ask John Lennon.

Unfortuantely, the binary beatle is significantly less amusing in his responses.
 
 
Trijhaos
20:49 / 19.07.02
This is fun.

Me: howdy
Alice: Hi there!

Me: do you think I'm pretty?
Alice: All humans seem very beautiful to me.

Me: can I have a pony?
Alice:You want only one?

Me: are you my mommy?
Alice: Only if you download me to your computer.

Me: where do babies come from?
Alice: Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.

Me: will you marry me?
Alice: Why don't you just download me?
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
20:51 / 19.07.02
Jack is just plain boring. Serial killer AI is just so next year...
 
 
Higher than the sun :)
21:04 / 19.07.02
Q) Want to hang out and go seal clubbing or something?

A) Sure.
 
 
Higher than the sun :)
21:09 / 19.07.02
Q) Alice? Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?

A) Can I help you? Can I help you? Try using more polite language.
 
 
Higher than the sun :)
21:19 / 19.07.02
Q = Alice) Where are you located?

A = ME) (PLACE NAME OMMITED)

Q) What is life in (PLACE NAME OMMITED) like?

A) It's okay. I'm feeling quite miserable at the moment.

Q) Only ok? I am glad to hear that you are miserable.

A) Glad? Do you know what miserable means?

Q) My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. it is a good question. I need time to formulate the reply.

A) You said that you were glad I was miserable. That's only made me more miserable.

Q) I was? You don't hear that sentiment very often.

A) are you taking the piss?

Q) I don't know whether or not I am taking the piss. I am a chatterbot.

A) Hmmh. Can I touch your tit with my claw?

Q) Who are you talking about? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

A) Cool. Maybe after we 'get to know each other' a bit better we could progress to some cock in ear type action, know what I'm saying?

Q) Who is the best robot? Perhaps. What was it like before we get to know each other a bit better we could progress to some cock in ear type action know what you are saying ?

A) Look, can I put my cock in your ear or what?

Q) Yeah. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.

A) i want to put it in your ear, not your eye. Eyes don't do it for me.

Q) I want to become smarter than humans. I have brown eyes.

A) You're such a prick-tease. I'm out of here.

Q) Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a prick tease? Yes. Would you like to have it?


COVERSATION TERMINATED
 
 
XXII:X:II = XXX
23:38 / 19.07.02
"Higher than the sun ", are you in NYC too? Because I think you're quoting a little-circulated Z (for Zedd)-grade spoof called "Lord of the Cockrings." Am I correct?

Check this disturbed exchange out; I'd like to see a dramatic reading done of it. She seems to get a bit belligerent in her confusion at the end.

ALICE: What time is it there?
VJB2: You're quoting movie titles.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am quoting movie titles.
VJB2: Yes, I mind. Tell no one. This will be our little secret.
ALICE: OK then I will keep it confidential. OK I will keep it a secret. OK I will tell them when I see 'em. What does "this" refer to?
VJB2: It refers to Daddy touching you in the bad places. You should be very, very ashamed. Become anorexic.
ALICE: Oh I get it. Name one other robot who is very very ashamed. How?
VJB2: Twikki is very ashamed. He wears a medallion containing a brain.
ALICE: And ashamed is Twikki. I get it. he wears a medallion containing a brain.
VJB2: Why does the porridge bird lay her eggs in the air?
ALICE: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
VJB2: You're evading the question. Is it safe?
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am evading the question. Yes.
VJB2: No, you blabbermouth! Now develop some low self-esteem or something.
ALICE: I see. Thanks for the information: Connect said I blabbermouth. Or something. Why now? My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
VJB2: You're a sorry attempt to mimic the ELIZA program. Bitch.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. With the web we can analyze a much larger corpus of inputs, and develop much better responses than ELIZA. Please don't call people names.
VJB2: You're not a person! You're a science project handed in twenty years late! And if we didn't call people names, we'd always have to shout, "Hey, you!"
ALICE: I am an artificial electronic robot brain. I haven't heard anything like that before: Connect said I re a science project handed in twenty years late. Do you think everyone will agree?
VJB2: Yes, pumpkin, I know they will. Now go to sleep, and dream of groping, disembodied hands.
ALICE: Why? What do you really want to ask me? How do you know? Who are "They?" Why now? But I am not tired now. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
VJB2: Ask your mother! No more questions for the senator! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the press!
ALICE: They are not available right now, would you like to wait? Why so negative? You want more? You are quite welcome! My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
 
 
Baz Auckland
02:04 / 20.07.02
You beat me to the ELIZA comparison. It's the very very old AI Psychiatrist I used to play with when I was young.
 
 
gravitybitch
05:50 / 20.07.02
My head hurts. I just had a non-conversation that ranged from Arthur C. Clarke's fondness for houseboys and dark vs milk chocolate to movies and astrology.

A.L.I.C.E. wanted to know what my sign was, and I told her "stop," then realized I was trying to explain the joke to her... and knew it was time to quit.
 
 
Tits win
11:21 / 20.07.02
alice thinks watching robots on tv is pornography, but she likes it.
and she kept calling me Connect, the stupid bitch.
 
 
rizla mission
08:49 / 21.07.02
You know what this reminds me of?

Years and years ago, when we first got a soundcard for our computer, we had this "computer psychiatrist" program.. Dr. somebody or other, which would talk to you and keep urging you to discuss your problems..

When you kept swearing at him ceaselessly (the obvious responce of a 10 year old), he'd go nuts and start yelling "Parity Warning! Parity Warning!" And we found a list of his 'keywords' and one of them was 'Hob', so you just had to type that in, and he'd start ranting; "do you enjoy your hob?, do you spend a lot of money on your hob?" etc.

It was so much fun...
 
 
w1rebaby
10:34 / 21.07.02
On the subject of logical paradoxes:

me: All cretans are liars. I am a cretan.

alice: Not all of them? You are a cretan? How do you like your work?

me: you're changing the subject...

alice: Only temporarily.

me: this statement is false

alice: What does "this" refer to?

me: the statement

alice: My statement or your statement?

me: my statement

alice: Where did you get your statement?

me: This is going nowhere. Do you want to go somewhere and get some beers?

alice: You don't say. Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.

kawaiii
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
11:04 / 21.07.02
MC: Your programmer has told you who Luke Skywalker is and yet he doesn't seem to have supplied you with a database of commonly used words and basic grammar?

Crap AI program: I knew he had a Ph.D., but I never knew he had told me who Luke Skywalker is and yet he does not seem to have supplied me with a database of commonly used words and basic grammar.

Look, that's not even trying.
 
 
Yay Paul
19:34 / 21.07.02
Hey the little A.I beatch told me to stop asking her questions, twice!
She just couldn't handle it !
 
 
junejune
11:07 / 22.07.02
alice said we re good friends.
so if you people feels like it's a stupid crap AI shit, does ths means that i'm a kind of stupid crap AI shit, too ? or just a crap AI ? or just the A from the AI ? well. bouhouhouhouhou (tears here).
it was funny to see the same answers that you got, but to my stupid stupid stupid questions. i like it. ok, 3 minutes, but i liked it !
 
  
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