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Improbable Terrorist Weaponry

21:18 / 06.11.01

Following on from the Stoat's point in the previous thread ('we suspect they may have dinosaurs...') what do you reckon the next bit of improbable world destroying kit the terrorists are accused of having will be?

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:27 / 07.11.01

Popcorn that explodes when it's put into your mouth. They're aiming at destabilising Hollywood further, and stopping the spread of ropey action flicks worldwide.

10:36 / 07.11.01

well reliable satalite imaging shows what we suspect to be vast stockpiles of custard pies, assemble in preparation for a long winter conflict.

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:39 / 07.11.01

That would seem to make sense. I've just read an intelligence report that suggests that their new battle tactic will be to run only after buxom blondes while a military band plays "Yaketty Sax" to give them courage.

It's possible that the enemy may resort to the "down-trou" move to reduce morale amongst coalition forces, too.

12:04 / 07.11.01

That anthrax-cocaine idea someone here came up with - that's gonna make a killer rumour..

..and we keep being told that all the world's narcotics come from Afghanistan (we were never told that before - funny that..) so, the world's wide-eyed freaks are probably yelling as I type, WHAT ARE THEY GONNA BE PUTTING IN IT, HUH?, HUH??

12:44 / 07.11.01

I heard a rumour that they've developed a big shield that sends any missiles fired at them through a dimension warp, into a dimension where earth is ruled by peace-loving new-age hippie flower-children.

And OBL is supposed to have a strange 'pit' full of chemicals he gets into whenevr he's fatally injured, which miraculously heals him. Or something...

Okay, next question - what kind of improbable weaponry will we be using against them?

12:53 / 07.11.01

Leaflets feauturing Photoshop-manipulated images of their wives, sitting at home, out of their birkas, watching Titanic on video whilst eating pork rinds. Left-handed.

Or of Osama bin laden getting a soapy titwank from Miss October. Allah Ak'lar!!!

[ 07-11-2001: Message edited by: Jack Fear ]

13:21 / 07.11.01

quote:Originally posted by Jack Fear:
Or of Osama bin laden getting a soapy titwank from Miss October.

that slut gets all the good gigs.

13:23 / 07.11.01

Perhaps.

But The Sun says there's only one way to deal with this kind of evil terrorist filth:

Send in Big Dave!

Our Lady of The Two Towers

14:06 / 07.11.01

All the Taliban have to do to win is leave Afghanistan. Whilst they are there then they are armed with peashooters and sticks tied to a bit of string. As soon as they leave they are lurking in the shadows with anthrax and jet planes and small nuclear devices.

Either that or the Governments are lying, and that isn't likely now is it?

19:17 / 07.11.01

What do you reckon the next bit of improbable world destroying kit the terrorists are accused of having will be?

A "fully operational battlestation" and perhaps the "dark side of the force".

[ 07-11-2001: Message edited by: Biolicious K9 ]

12:08 / 08.11.01

(shooom) Bush...I am your father...(shooom) Search your feelings...You know this to be true...

13:31 / 08.11.01

This one's for Riz:
Village Voice: The Dope on Dope

One user, a 36-year-old Manhattanite, reports an intriguing change in the dope available recently. It's "dark brown" and "has a vinegary smell," unlike the "generally light beige or off-white" Colombian powder he is used to. The new kind reminds him of the Iranian stuff he used to buy when he started using 20 years ago. "I wonder why all of a sudden we're getting this stuff, and if it's from that part of the world," he says.

When prices rise, the size of a bag stays the same, but "what's in the bag is going to change," says Curtis. The purity of the heroin, at record highs right now—the DEA's Gagne reports seizing amounts as pure as 95 percent compared to levels in the teens and twenties a decade ago—would suffer. "There's more of a chance of poisoning or getting weird cuts," says the Manhattan user.

No mention of using heroin as a conduit for spores or disease in the article, but...hmmm...

[ 08-11-2001: Message edited by: Ierne ]

13:33 / 08.11.01

They can't both use the dark side of the force. That would leave us jediless.

Or worse, with Jar Jar Binks as our only hope.

Pass me the razor blades. Oh, and the latex.

13:40 / 08.11.01

Hmm.

Star Wars Episode III - the Morally Relative Menace.

The Damned Yankee

13:51 / 08.11.01

<dated D&D reference> OBL is actually a demilich (don't he half look it, though?), and in order to roust him out, the Coalition troops will have to brave the Tomb of Horrors. </dated D&D reference>

Failing that, my money's on giant atomic monsters. Just you wait. You'll see.

[ 08-11-2001: Message edited by: The Damned Yankee ]

17:45 / 08.11.01

Maybe a fifth column of treasonous Internet peaceniks, brainwashed by bad comics and good dope into caring more for the population of Afghanistan than for the victims of New York. Round ‘em all up, I say!

15:33 / 09.11.01

Special CD encoding that makes walkman headphones explode.

Every bootlegged copy of the new Michael Jackson album will be a killer.

21:03 / 09.11.01

Every bootlegged copy of the new Michael Jackson album will be a killer.

That should kill all of about 2 people.

gentleman loser

16:42 / 10.11.01

quote:Maybe a fifth column of treasonous Internet peaceniks, brainwashed by bad comics and good dope into caring more for the population of Afghanistan than for the victims of New York. Round ‘em all up, I say!

In Best GIR voice from "Invader Zim":

I'm a Fifth Columnist! Yay! We're Doomed!

We can always send the dreaded X-17 Stealth Basselope to Afghanistan:

Phase One: Cross into enemy territory virtually invisible to all hostile Taliban detection.

Phase Two: Melt invisibly into modern Afghani social scene.

Phase Three: Distribute secret payload of Britney Spears CDs, 'American Pie II' videos, Viagra, Iridium satellite phones and Taco Bell Chicken Quesadillas (Jeff Bezos loves 'em!) to unsuspecting religious zealots.

Phase Four: Sit back and watch Capitalism blossom faster than you can say 'Laura Bush'.

(All apologies to Berkeley Breathed)

Thank God for good dope (OK, decent Mexican commercial dope; These Are Hard Times). It's the only thing keeping me sane in the New Police State [TM].

[ 11-11-2001: Message edited by: gentleman loser ]