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Magick is useful, but maybe it's driving me insane...

  
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
19:51 / 28.06.02
Well, not really, but dig this:

So I've been trying to get really good at the "sleight of mind" tricks, right? And I've been trying to develop a method of working good magick in a short time with close to immediate results. It's coming along nicely. Strangely, this kind of magick is both incredibly easy and insanely difficult at the same time. When the conditions are right, you got some potent mojo. If not, it's rough as hell trying to get something done. Meditation helps.

But at some point, I have to wonder when the magick stops and the self delusion begins. Easy now, let me finish. For instance, for sex magick, it's all about confidence for me. Which requires me telling myself that I am the coolest bastard in the room in order to give off that "I'm so fucking smooth that you can't help but love me" aura. Now, you all know what using this kind of stuff is like. You do a ritual, using a sigil or make offerings to whatever diety, and you start noticing people noticing you. Good stuff. I don't know if you've tried doing this sort of thing on the fly, like I've been describing in the "Update on the Waves 0' Syncronicity" thread, but sometimes the line between subconcious and concious become harder to see. At times I can't tell if a look given to me with some sexual overtones or a feeling I get off someone I'm attracted to is part of the spell or if I'm watching my subconcious tell me "this is what's happening" despite what it (my subconscious) actually sees. Hence the fears of "self delusion".

It's like working this kind of magick makes you more vulnerable to getting in your own way, to tripping yourself up. And since half the spell is about changing the way you see yourself, this can be pretty damaging to the results.

And almost worse, it's like at times reality is very very mallable and susceptible to altercation through pure will than it is at other times. Which sometimes makes me feel like I'm "losing it". I mean, I like to be water, fluid and all that (as far as my personal view of reality goes), so as not to be vulnerable to ontological shock, but part of me that has always been constant is now under attack from Change, and it's weirding me out.

In the above paragraphs, I've been trying to talk about magick as dryly as I would talk about math, because that's how I learned to approach it. I encourage you to do the same in your responses, unless you want to take note of something that exists mostly in a place that isn't really here, and have to use metaphors or whatever to point to it.

The question is this: is this all part of the risk of being a magician? Have any of you gone through this? Can you give me some advice? I'm not really fearing for my sanity or anything but I get the feeling that it's a possibility in the near future if I don't watch myself. I've feared for my sanity while still sober before, and it sucks ass, so I don't want to go through it again.
 
 
FinderWolf
20:17 / 28.06.02
You're not going mad, don't worry. When there's a toss-up between "is someone really giving me a sexual vibe or am I just projecting that onto them because that's what I want them to be doing", who really cares? Even if they're not checking you out and drooling for you, what harm does it do to feel confident and think they're giving you the eye?

So much of magick (and NLP, self-hypnosis and other tools to alter your reality) is about self-perception, and perception in general. If you think you're a totally cool bad-ass, and 4 times out of 10 you think you're really cool but you were actually not seen to be as cool as you thought you were, what is really lost? The more confident you feel, the more concrete results you will see, and I say damn the few times you're in error because your perceptions are all about making you look good. I trust my instincts and my mind to tell me if I'm off-base about something -- judgment is not really clouded by more favorable perceptions of yourself, as long as you've got your head on straight, ya know?

We all know that the more you look at reality, the more it's just about how you look at things anyway, right?

That's my two cents, at least. But good topic! I'm glad you posted it.
 
 
Sebastian
20:42 / 28.06.02
Yes, I understand, tuning in into new patterns of insights is not easy, and when you have to separate an "insightful", private fact from a "consensual" fact you go through a clash of feelings and ideas.

You are operating Magick, okay, so assume things are going to start happening in line with an intent, sort of a catalysis of events, at least for a while. Take everything with a grain of salt, humor, and expectancy. When the flagrant obvious synchronicity is right out there -and inside here- move with discrete elegance and speed towards your desire's fulfillment, but do not even mention it, remain outwardly as a pretty mundane chap as the guy next door, so that whomever sees you just sees a well demeanored man, no matter what kind of inner turmoiled scramble you are going through, remain at ease always. If manifestation occurs, go for the practical easy thing, and don't ask what you should avoid, ask where will I find.

At times I can't tell if a look given to me with some sexual overtones or a feeling I get off someone I'm attracted to is part of the spell or if I'm watching my subconcious tell me "this is what's happening" despite what it (my subconscious) actually sees. Hence the fears of "self delusion".

Be playful, humorous, make banal comments, think of a movie, an anecdote, a humorous friend, and watch what happens in your inside and the ouside, but move towards your intent, respectfully, like a super occult James Bond, do not allow distractions. Hey! You started it! You are on the move for a change, new things, better things, and since you have made the big bet you deserve them.

I recently was in a somewhat uncommon state of consciousness, and looking at the person with me was like looking at those pictures that you see alternatively an old woman's profile or a young lady's neck. Point is I was seeing her, and also a very definite alien being. "You look just like an alien, dear", I commented, "so please tell me if I drive you crazy enough to go to the stars".
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
16:45 / 30.06.02
I trust my instincts and my mind to tell me if I'm off-base about something -- judgment is not really clouded by more favorable perceptions of yourself, as long as you've got your head on straight, ya know?

I'll have to take your word on whether or not judgement is clouded by favorable perceptions of yourself--I can't remember when I was ever as self-confident as I've been these past few months. Nevertheless, your post was reassuring.

We all know that the more you look at reality, the more it's just about how you look at things anyway, right?

True enough. It seems like as I become more "aware" of various aspects of reality, the more I start seeing myself in those same aspects.

You are operating Magick, okay, so assume things are going to start happening in line with an intent, sort of a catalysis of events, at least for a while. Take everything with a grain of salt, humor, and expectancy. When the flagrant obvious synchronicity is right out there -and inside here- move with discrete elegance and speed towards your desire's fulfillment, but do not even mention it, remain outwardly as a pretty mundane chap as the guy next door, so that whomever sees you just sees a well demeanored man, no matter what kind of inner turmoiled scramble you are going through, remain at ease always. If manifestation occurs, go for the practical easy thing, and don't ask what you should avoid, ask where will I find.

Cool. I can be low key.
 
  
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