I find it sad you have to defend your other suits.
Really. Deric and I aren't the same person. I did once have another suit, and a couple of times I used it to clarify something, and once to try to point out a hole in my own argument. But I burned it after the suit hijackings.
To the original point of the thread: How can Phil help improve himself. Specifically, he wants to work on being less judgmental, and is asking our advice.
The following comes from my own experience, and is advice I would give myself, but I don't know how it will work for others:
The first step is not simply recognizing that you are judgmental. In fact, I think that it is possible to circumvent this step. The important thing is actually not wanting to be judgmental. I think one of the reasons people have such a terrible time giving up vices is that they don't really want to do it. They've identified themselves as "the one who parties hard," or "the really good liar," or something. Be humble.
When you see someone who isn't attractive, and you think to yourself "yikes!" Stop that train of thought. The initial reaction may come, but you can control whether or not you follow it through. I think you'll find that these initial reactions will come less often when you devote less energy to them. This won't mean that you aren't aware of another person's intelligence, attractiveness and so on. It won't even mean that you won't be judging them anymore. It just means you'll do it less often.
Don't vocalize these judgments. That is don't say to your pals, "Sally? The really ugly one?" And especially when you're angry with Sally, don't call Sally "that stupid, fat, ugly bitch." If you are angry, be angry about a specific thing. If she, say, intentionally scratched your car with her keys, be mad about that action. Bringing her weight, appearance, and intelligence into it makes your anger less rational.
Don't work on this aspect of your life by itself. If you experience the same stimuli every day, and do everything else the same way, then you can certainly expect this one thing to be very difficult to change. You may try fasting as a way of penance for your increased judgmentalism. Meditate. Pray. I really don't think this kind of thing is silly. It's been used by religions because it has a psychological impact. That's what you want.
Keep in mind that judging other people is not necessary in order to maintain your own sense of ethics/morals/secondmorals. When you want to ask whether something is right or wrong, ask this question instead: "If I were advising a friend in this situation, what would I say?"
Also note little misunderstandings. They happen all the time. Example:
I never used to do this, not when I was ugly and fat myself anyhow...
But now you've transcended into intellectual beauty!?
I won't pretend to understand what you (Phil) meant when you wrote this, but I read it as "not when I thought of myself of or was generally perceived to be fat and ugly." I made some guesses about what had happened. I figured that you used to be overweight, and are now not. Perhaps, I thought, you used to have trouble getting dates, and now do not. And so on... So I filled in a lot of extra information you didn't provide. Even though I was aware that you never said these things, it colored my perception of your statement. Others on the board had different images, I'm sure. And none of it is exactly what you meant when you said it. This can get frustrating sometimes, and it may be tempting to say, "no, you moron. I meant this!!!" Try not to say it, anyway. No matter how hard you try, you will always have miscommunication. |
