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Magick & Relationships

Boy in a Suitcase

06:38 / 04.06.02

Wondering how people integrate the magick life & relationships–do you seek out stable relationships with other magicians? Use yer evil sorcery to have lots of one-offs and short relationships? Seek out your "soul mate"? And how do you generally cope with the sexual effects (good and bad) of being a lot stranger and more inscrutable than the general populace, and generally having to spend a lot of time alone delving into yourself without interruptions? Be honest... I'm genuinely interested in how people mix the two.

08:18 / 04.06.02

how do you mix magick and relationships? perhaps you shouldn't - apart from the fact of being honest with a partner about who you are.

i'm new to this, but i wouldn't want someone to sleep with me just because i'd used magick - it seems unethical, i think. but i've always been 'weird' (not that being into magick makes one a wierdo) - i mean i've always felt on the fringes, so friendships and relationships are not the easiest thing for me anyway. my friends have been enthusiastic about my new path and my mother is embracing it in a big way!

12:03 / 04.06.02

Lots of questions here.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to come at them from a theoretical standpoint since Trijhaos + relationships = not happening.

If I were to seek out a stable relationship, I'd look for another magician or someone who's OK with the practice of magick. I really don't want to explain why I lock myself in a mostly empty room for 2 hours at a time for the rest of my life.

Evil sorcery for relationships? No way. Not happening. The only way I'd use magick in relationships is to increase the chances of not being rejected out of hand by somebody. I'm not going to use magick to get somebody to jump my bones; no matter how much I'd enjoy it. For some odd reason, these "ethics" and "morals" are always getting in the way.

"Soul mate" I'm not big on the whole soul mate idea. I think there's more than one "soul mate" out there for people. Just because you think your soul mate is a 600 pound woman named Bertha doesn't make it so. You could also have a soul mate named Antonette, a beautiful french model. See where I'm going here?

I really haven't had to deal with those effects quite yet. I suppose that's one thing being a shy reclusive type has going for it.

All I know is I'd be honest with whoever I end up with. If, by being honest, I have to pass my practice off as a religion; I'll do so. Most people are comfortable with strange religious rites.

13:06 / 04.06.02

It depends a lot on how you operate your magick, and in your circumstances of course. If you can come up with pretty effective and discrete magickal means of operations then you could just be among anybody in the Western race. And let me know if you find them, I've been looking for them since I was born.

Part of this thing of relating to others is what brought me here to the Magick forum in Barbelith. I practically do not talk to anybody about magick. And before getting here I had to develop the means to be able to talk about it. You see, I did not incorporate the term magick to my vocabulary until a few months ago, before it was "sorcery". And thats when I said: I got it about what people means by "magick", so I want to get into Barbelith. Also, I sort of probe people I meet before saying anything, I may point some "paranormal" topic at hand or something like that. It has happened that someone may reveal his own way of doing magick and evoking weirdness, but then S/he may not care about using it for the real dramatic things in hir life, and thats as far as we get to talk about it.

As for being alone, yes, I operate the "waves of synch" alone, but a good night walk will do, or just 10 to 15 minutes alone in the kitchen when everything is silent. And if someone happens to go for a glass of milk I would appear to be doing pretty mundane things.

As for my partner, well, I guess there are always so many things operating on this that a spell is always at work, and if you do not cast it for yourself then be sure someone will. Thats my stand. In the frenetic and obsessive past, I used to bind my sexual partners with spells, most times with not great results as you may expect, resulting in never ending, long, contradictory and pointless relations, that would effectively wash out whatever had been beautiful and nice in the beginning. And then I had to undo the whole thing, bearing with the emotional responsibility. Then I was communicated -very explicitly by the way- that I didn't need a spell to bind anyone, that it was mostly what I would do anyway, just out of myself, whenever someone would show up. And of course I had to sweat and work if I ever cared to reverse that. But the sweating and working was more of an imaginative and playful one.

Magick is always at work.

17:17 / 04.06.02

I've found that the rule of charasmatic attraction (or like calling to like, if you prefer) comes into play a lot with my life. I am attracted to and by people with similar convictions as myself. I don't really seek out other magickians, they just sort of show up on their own. That pretty much describes all of my closest friends. You meet someone, and you know pretty quickly if you're operating on the same level. Of course, it does help that we've a pretty sizable local community around these parts, who like to throw mad fabulous parties. It creates a sort of gravity well that attracts cool people. The rest sort of works itself out from there. People who aren't magicky types on some level tend to run screaming pretty quickly

As for personal relationships, my wife doesn't practice magick, but we have similar and compatible spiritual views, and she's comfortable with what I do. She's just not really interested in the scientific aspect of it like I am, and that's fine. That she's aware and able to participate in it is enough, she doesn't have to be an obsessive scholar like me. The important thing is being able to accept the magickal view of reality. We're very different people in a lot of ways. Opposites attracting and all that, I guess.

17:26 / 04.06.02

1. do you seek out stable relationships with other magicians?
No, but then I am in a long-term relationship and was in it when I started getting into magick.

2. Use yer evil sorcery to have lots of one-offs and short relationships?
No, but I would have.

3. Seek out your "soul mate"?
Again, don't need to but probably would have.

4.And how do you generally cope with the sexual effects (good and bad) of being a lot stranger and more inscrutable than the general populace, and generally having to spend a lot of time alone delving into yourself without interruptions?

Not a problem as we spend a lot of tim eapart and my other half knows about this side of me and since we already going out he just has to put up with it! He's cool with it, though. It just ain't his thing.

17:58 / 04.06.02

do you seek out stable relationships with other magicians?
No. I have found very few actual magicians to interact with. Those few tend to be pretty stable and have their act together, and I value their friendship deeply. But Magickal knowledge is not a prerequisite for being my friend.

Use yer evil sorcery to have lots of one-offs and short relationships?
The concept of "evil sorcery" has no place in my life and my spiritual practice. Magick is Magick.

Seek out your "soul mate"?
No. I don't believe in "soul mates."

And how do you generally cope with the sexual effects (good and bad) of being a lot stranger and more inscrutable than the general populace...?"
I pay it absolutely no attention. I don't really have any time for or interest in pandering to other people's stereotypes of what a Pagan or Witch or Magician is.

12:04 / 05.06.02

do you seek out stable relationships with other magicians?
I would divide this answer in two parts: My wife comes from a "magickally endowed" family, but she herself does not do magick. She does not have trouble with what I do, and is used to the kind of things that happen with me. I told her what I was on our second date, I believe, and now we have been happily together for ten years.
About my firends, well, most of them do magick, one way or another, so we are open about thies.

Use yer evil sorcery to have lots of one-offs and short relationships?
A bit. Not really good a t the end.

Seek out your "soul mate"?
I do not believe in that. Any relationship requires work and effort to grow.

And how do you generally cope with the sexual effects (good and bad) of being a lot stranger and more inscrutable than the general populace...?"
To be honest, I sometimes take advantage of the "misterious stranger" archetype to impress people.

Boy in a Suitcase

09:13 / 07.06.02

It seems to me that a large percentage of magicians are gay (Hine, Burroughs, the lads in Coil, Al Crowley to a large extent) and that this lifestyle might be slightly more supportive of magick; I on the other hand am not gay and can be fairly needy of support sometimes and would like to establish a long-term heterosexual relationship, so... I dunno, how do you do it and still be so self-directed, compact and often self-absorbed at the same time?

17:04 / 07.06.02

Crowley was gay?? I think it would be fair for gays and uncle Al to say that he occasionally practiced homosexuality, or that he had sex with men, either because he liked them or for magickal purposes. I doubt the word gay applies as to Crowley in a broad sense, but I am just speculating. You know, I am thinking of a gay in terms of Wilde, Tchaikovsky (regardless of their artistic pursuits), and actually any joyful and well demeanored chap that likes to be called so.

23:05 / 07.06.02

do you seek out stable relationships with other magicians?

No, but somehow I'm with one anyway. A person is a person and though I know what i like, I'm not sure its the be all and end all.

Use yer evil sorcery to have lots of one-offs and short relationships?

How strange are the assumptions that lie behind this question. Why wouldn't one use "evil sorcery" to find a wonderful partner? To share with, to laugh with, to love? I actually did a "spell" to find my current partner. She fits the bill soooo well and is absolutely wonderful - everything I imagined. But I have no magick to speak of. I was just sure about the sort of person I wanted to meet and she was so clearly amazing. Luckily, blokes tend to be very shallow so I had the drop on them

Seek out your "soul mate"?

Soul mates. You work at what you have. Being able to have conversations through the night is all for the good, but relationships are also a lot of effort. Everything worthwhile is.

And how do you generally cope with the sexual effects (good and bad) of being a lot stranger and more inscrutable than the general populace...?

Again, I'm not magick but I am considered strange by many. I take no pride in being different - its much less cool when it has substance. Unlike Ierne, I do pay it attention but I think she is a lot stronger than me. You cannot pander to stereotypes, but you can't help but be aware of them.

But sexual effects? I only have one chat up technique that also doubles as a sex aid. Treat women as people. I am shocked at how many women find this novel.

BTW - inscrutable is fairly easy, if you are talking about the general populace. Hell, if you look at the board its clear that communication is the difficulty. Deceit is easy - no matter that it is well intentioned or unconscious.