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Parties and Politics

10:20 / 02.06.02

Went to a party last night on a kind of a friend of a friend of a friend basis. It was after meeting Wembley and I was with Maominstoat, Barry Auckland, Mordant and a couple of mates.

Now, my conversational and social skills are well below par but its been a while since I've induced terror in those around me. Its an odd feeling to make what you think is a passable witticism and see the other person shrink away with deep discomfort. I've gotta work on those jokes...

We ended up in the kitchen where a variety of people came in, looked at us and quickly left. After a while the alpha male was sent up to deal with us, accompanied by a large, quiet bloke. The beta?

Much was made of the fact that we didn't know anyone at the party - although we sorta did - and that we were drinking all the booze. (At my count we had a beer and a bottle of wine between us.)

I felt sorry for the beta. He was clearly a man selected for his size to intimidate us, but those vibes were just going in the other direction. Its been a long time since people were so vile to me just for the way I looked. As Barry Auckland said, it took me right back to school.

It was interesting from a sociological point of view. We became more loud and difficult because they treated us in that way. Mind you, we were all peaceful types trying to avoid confrontation - I know people who would have been happy to cause property damage in response to such hostility. Politics suddenly makes a lot more sense.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:45 / 02.06.02

Will contribute something meaningful to this thread when I stop feeling like death cooled down.

11:42 / 02.06.02

why were you invited if you were (presumably) so obviously not going to fit in? more details, please!

i once went to a party and was later told that the host had instructed that on no account should i be let through the door. never found out if it was shit stirring or for real, but all i did (as usual) was sit in a corner and look awkward.

12:07 / 02.06.02

To be fair, I'm not sure we were invited as such. We were told there was a party and we were drunk and insistent enough to go along. We took not being told to piss off as an invitation. So we brought it on ourselves, I suppose.

13:47 / 02.06.02

Unless you're trying to hog the CD player, start fights or nick the TV, if they let you in it's a bit much to throw you out. But hey.

Its been a long time since people were so vile to me just for the way I looked.

what do you look like again?

15:24 / 02.06.02

i am drumming my fingers on the desk, waiting for the full story here....

15:58 / 02.06.02

Its been a long time since people were so vile to me just for the way I looked.

I've got loads of mates who wear black and I know plenty of people who are scared of them because of it. People who think they're PC and wouldn't dream of picking on someone for being black still seem to find it perfectly acceptable hate someone for wearing it. That's people for ya.

17:01 / 02.06.02

sorry sfd. not sure there is much more of a story. got drunk, followed someone to a party, got a frosty and hostile reception, left party to drink vodka and play tekken 3 all night.

17:24 / 02.06.02

I hate people

17:10 / 03.06.02

Reminds me of an Anti-Nowhere League tune:
"I hate people
I hate the human race
I hate people
I hate your ugly face
I hate people...
and they hate me"

Basically though if people start getting bitchie like that - fuck them, fuck them right in the ear.
I used to get shit like that here a lot of the time. THese days I just tune out all the dodgy looks and shit. In general most people that I get on with are cool. You still meet wankers absolutely everywhere you go but FUCK 'EM. Anyone who gives me shit because of what I look like is not worth the stain their parents left when
(mis)conceiving them.

17:57 / 03.06.02

Flyboy reluctantly let us come to this party. From what I gathered it was some Cambridge grads with a nice house in Kentish Town. I hung around the place once before after the Islington Bar fundraiser party...

...we did drink a bottle of wine, but that was fair game as a corkscrew had been broken off in the cork, and Lurid was amazingly able to get it open.... and Stotie and I had the dregs of a vodka bottle...

I'm not sure where the hostility came from. We talked to a few friendly people until people entered the kitchen, and left without a word, or turned off the stereo we had turned on. When confronted, the partiers insisted that we had just walked in off the street and were on a 'booze cruise', and that there were stores that had liqour if that was what we were after. After 5min. we were able to drag Flyboy upstairs to vouch for us, that he did, indeed know us and brought us there.

The guys agreed to let us stay, asked us for money for the booze (which we didnt give) and then left us alone. We then left due to the whole not-fitting-in bit... which [i]was[/i] very high school. I thought I was past the point of being looked at funny...

So that's the story as I remember. I think I got it all. Sorry to Flyboy for any social damage caused.

Mr Wolfe

18:02 / 03.06.02

Well obviously you all need to make more of an effort to fit in.

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:32 / 03.06.02

Oh, arse.

General thoughts: house parties are funny things, really - almost inevitably you end up being surrounded by people you've never met before even if it's your own house. This is a bit of a risk, obviously, because if it can be very easily deduced that there is a party going on from the street outside, usually any old Tom, Dick and Gasgoine can wander in, and often do. Having encountered the phenomenon of threatening randoms elsewhere, I can - kind of - understand how a slight paranoia might develop. Add a bunch of drink and drugs and stirr, and you've got plenty of potential for misunderstandings and needless aggro...

BUT - and this is a pretty big but - this is no excuse for hostility, and it's a sad fact that I can quite easily imagine some of the people there making, well, I think "gothophobic" is right, judgments. I'd hope that none of them were my, y'know, actual friends. I'd hope. Truth is, as Bill says, there are a lot of people I know who tend to find litte subcultural differences enough reason to judge people, and it comes in all varieties, whether it's one fried thinking another is too "posh", or another thinking another is too "cool"... It's ridiculous, and almost enough to make me wish everyone I knew was exactly the same... Nah.

More specifically, there's a certain kind of party scene that I myself have often struggled to feel at home with, and I don't think I ever will... Nowadays I tend to go to these things to see a bunch of people I like in one place, and maybe meet a few new people, but for the most part ignore the wankers who always seem to make up at least some proportion of the numbers at parties, one way or the other.

I feel like I ought to clarify my "reluctance" where everyone coming along was concerned - I wasn't exactly reluctant, just aware that if you do bring a bunch of people whom none of your other friends have met before (with the exception of Barry, but with the added extra that I hadn't met yr other friends before myself, Lurid, lovely though they were), it can end up being a bit awkward.

All I can really do is repeat what I said about hoping nobody I otherwise like was giving you hassle... and hope that I was a slightly better diplomat than Donald Rumsfield... unfortunately I was pissed as a Moominstoat.

07:16 / 04.06.02

you gotta think though... if i had a party with a bunch of weirdo stoners dressed in black and we were lying around on the floor listening to cabaret voltaire, drawing skulls on each other's nipples and talking about how great it is to be biexual, when suddenly a lexus suv full of the local college's lacrosse team heard the music and stopped by, i'd probably get a bit reactive myself.

is the reason subcultures have distinctive styles an attempt to infiltrate, convert, or confuse others? or does one stick metal through one's face in order more easily recognize other folks with whom to socialize?

07:58 / 04.06.02

mystery gypt has a point - think of it from the hosts' point of view. a bunch of strangers gatecrash their party. they're pretty drunk and uninvited. now you lot know you weren't there for trouble, but how on earth were the other party goers supposed to know that? as far as they were aware you *were* a bunch of strangers who *did* steal alcohol (you assumed it was there for the taking) - you were there for a while before flyboy told the hosts you were with him. granted, i wasn't there and there probably were plenty of other factors - a bunch of 'posher' looking gatecrashers would've had a much better reception - but in a way you can't really blame them.

08:44 / 04.06.02

well, you can blame them a bit - the proper response would have been to go up the interlopers and say "look, who are you guys, who did you come with?" At which point you find out that it's Flyboy's fault. It's not like (it appears) they were being intimidating, they were trying to talk to people after all, who were blanking them.

08:49 / 04.06.02

well, sure, i wasn't there so i'm just trying to think of it from the other side, is all. i've had to leave a party at a run before, for no reason i could fathom other than being english (it was a new zealanders do) but also been made to feel incredibly welcome at another party i went to as a friend of a friend.... the barbefolk at the party the other night did not go there to be intimidating, but they may have been percieved as such.

09:40 / 04.06.02

take your point, they probably weren't expecting that but it would probably have done them some good to meet somebody new

It sounds like it was a shitty party anyway. Any party you go to and they don't like you is obviously full of wankers and thus not worth staying at. Simple.

09:56 / 04.06.02

Yeah, I can certainly understand that they were a bit uncomfortable with a bunch of strangers. If it was full of cambridge grads then perhaps they also sensed that half of us were oxford grads - that always causes grief. har har har.

As Flyboy says, he didn't know us all and that makes it harder. Sorry Flyboy, if we caused you any trouble.

What I found interesting was that we became more defensive and actually a touch more aggressive ourselves. Thus we kinda started to fit the impression they had of us. Nothing serious mind, but it did get me thinking...

16:26 / 04.06.02

I think you might find an entire theory of history in that!