EVERYONE VS. EVERYONE ELSE
In the ordinary so-called World Cup, qualifying teams of 11 men representing their respective countries play against each other on various pitches in a single host nation.
In this truly international version every citizen is a member of their country's team, the pitch is made up of the whole World (or participating nations, at least) and everyone plays everyone else. Here's how it works:
TEAMS: Citizens of any age and gender are elligible for the team. There is no maximum number of players. Players are identified by their hats, which are shaped according to stereotype (eg bowler hats for England, stetsons for North Americans) and painted in the team colours. Dogs and cats may also join, for as long as they can stand to wear a hat.
GOALS: Normal size, one at the centre of each country (where the centre of gravity would be). There must be a mile of clear ground in every direction around it, divided into circular zones in which only limited numbers of home players may stand at a time (this is to prevent impassable human walls). Only one player from the home side may occupy the goalie position at a time.
KICK-OFF (single ball version): Before play, a country is selected at random to be the kick-off nation. This is known only to the referees (whatever the World Cup equivalent of the Olympic Committee is called). Start of play is announced by the simultaneous hooting of giant whistles placed in each of the world's major cities (and over radio stations, telly etc). The ball is then dropped into the capital city of the chosen country by aircraft, and play commences!
KICK-OFF (multi ball version): Start as above, only every country gets a ball.
SCORING: A team's score goes up by one point every time they kick a ball into another nation's goal, and down by one point every time a rule is infringed (see below)
RULES OF PLAY:
1) The ball may not be handled (this does not include paws)
2) The ball must not be placed deliberately out of view, locked up, buried etc. This means that it may be carried across water on the deck of a boat, but not in an aircraft. It may be carried on top of a vehicle (if you can kick or head it there), but not inside.
3) Implemements may only be used to touch the ball to remove it from otherwise inaccessible areas.
4)No fouling (dogs and cats exempt from this rule).
That's it. Developments, criticism etc gratefully recieved.
How might other sports be improved through invigorating embiggeration? |
