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School sports

Tryphena Absent

10:50 / 21.05.02

I was wondering if any of you have any memories about sport at school? I get the idea that you were all as shit as I was. After reading Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons I used to pretend I was Flora. I'd stand on the hockey field with my stick and everyone would scream at me to do something. Naturally when I actually moved they told me to stand still again. It was the worst two hours of the week. By the fifth year I'd manage to work myself in to the drama department to the extent where I never went to sport anymore because I always had to organise something for a show and the rest of the time I was just ill.
Someone out there must have been your sports slacking idol? Who was it? Were any of you actually sport enthusiasts?

10:59 / 21.05.02

I hated P.E., but then I'm the least sporty person ever. Although in primary school me and my mate won the wheelbarrow race every year,every year!

11:07 / 21.05.02

I despised P.E. with a burning passion. It's not that I wasn't any good at it. I was. I just didn't like being forced into physical activity. I'm really surprised I got through P.E. in high school. I never really did anything. Most of the time I'd sit around. When the teacher came by, he saw me exercising or doing whatever we were supposed to be doing, but the minute his back was turned, the barbells, ball, or jump rope were dropped. The only P.E. activity I was no good at was volleyball and that's really because I didn't put forth the effort required. All that moving around right after lunch, running, jumping, and cheering. Ick.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

11:08 / 21.05.02

You're talking to an ex-London Schools U16/U19 badminton champion.

Badminton rocks.

And it beats the shit out of rugby, hockey, football, swimming (in subzero water) and other activities in line with the traditional British abuse of young children through PE, which were the alternatives.

11:20 / 21.05.02

PE Teacher: "Right, line up in front of me and throw a shot putt as far as you can."

Me (about 5th down the line): *hoik*

PE Teacher: "Is that the best you can do?"

Me: "Erm, yes."

PE Teacher: "PA-THETIC".

Real dog-shit contempt in his voice, too. What a f***ing c***, eh?

Erm, anyway, badminton does indeed rock, especially if you pay no mind to the rules. Pisses on tennis. Tennis is just apes flinging dung at each other as hard as they can across a ravine. Badminton is angels wafting kittens onto plumptious cushions using the power of love.

11:25 / 21.05.02

My P.E. teachers were v. disturbing. One had a Shi-Tzu, which is a ve-e-ry bad sign in the first place, but an even worse one when she brings it to school with her. I was shit at sports, but not as shit as they thought I was - they had no idea how to encourage me, I was much better out of school and exercising alone. The accident record at my school was atrocious though - one girl got hit in the head with one of those over-sized ball-bearings shot-putters hurl about, and one of my friends nearly took out the other P.E. teacher with a javelin. ot sure if it was exactly accidental, seeing as that teacher used to refer to my friend as 'Yankee', and hit her on the arse with a hockey stick at least once. Fond, fond memories of my purple and orange goosefleshy thighs, in the dead of winter in a stupid red P.E. skirt, press ups in the mud, general humiliation, mossy (!!!) public swimming pools, etc. etc. etc. And nearly getting my finger broken *by one of the P.E. teachers*, during basketball... It swelled to several times its normal size, went fascinating colours - she made me carry on P.E., wouldn't send me to the medical room, just said, put some ice on it when you get home. My mum took me to the hospital, where they x-rayed me and put the arm in a sling... next P.E. lesson, the teacher goes "Who put that arm in a sling?" in a really "you're making such a fuss about nothing" type way. Niiice.

The Apple-Picker

16:47 / 21.05.02

I played field hockey. And I loved it.

I was pretty good--but unfortunately too much of a glory-phobe. I assisted aplenty, but had only one game goal in my entire career. Though, granted, if I could choose any time for that one goal, that would have been it. State semi-finals after seven-a-side overtime we went into a flick off. The first two girls couldn't put it in the box. I was exhausted, but under stress, I refer to myself as CCIC Jenny (Calm, Cool, In Control Jenny). I went up to the hash mark, put my stick on the line, and stared hard at the right lower corner. It's a pretty easy trick, but very effective. The whistle blew and I flicked the ball hard into the lower left corner. Ahh. That kerrack of hard plastic on wood is just beautiful. After that, the girls who followed me scored on their own flicks, and we won semi-finals.

I love that game. And who needs collagen injections when you've got a hard plastic ball flying into your face?

17:01 / 21.05.02

I loathed P.E., and - probably because I'm slim - always seemed to fulfil the ubiquitous role of 'last bloke to be picked for the team'. Ho hum...

17:12 / 21.05.02

Yep, skinny, glasses, shit hand-eye coordination, utter lack of Team Spirit - c'est moi.

I remember one particularly sadistic PE teacher in my second year of secondary school. He seemed to exert a particularly strong spell over the boys and was adept at directing the group dynamic, particularly the singling out of specific individuals for scorn or derision. He was big on humiliation and did what were, in restrospect, really dodgy things like making kids lie face down with their lips 'kissing the tiles' (a favourite punishment for being caught talking during his register) or forcing them to do press-ups wearing only their y-fronts. Sicko.

17:27 / 21.05.02

Saveloy: Yeah, that's a fucker of a PE teacher, but at least he didn't say: "If you want to know how not to play football, look at him (ie: Me)

19:04 / 21.05.02

5'8, 120lbs.- now
5'6, 98 lbs. - then
I was the 2nd last kid picked in jr. high, next to Catherine Galgoatzie the not skinny kid.
My knees were the widest part of my stick legs. And I had glasses and braces. Funnily enough, I was fantastick on my own. I could do brilliant jumps in figure skating (not much to throw around I guess) and could swim and run forever. It was just the team thing, or maybe the competitive thing. Or maybe the sport thing. Gods, I sucked.

Reason