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Look, I stare blankly very frequently. If that happens, then I'll see but do not see, can't even close my eyes to sleep. I suspect that my mother have spike my food or drinks to make me become like this. That is, when I see a car coming towards me, I can't even tell it's a car coming towards me. When I walk around the house, I can only stare at the floor. When I take a bus home, looking at the thing outside the bus will make me faint. Please help me.
The reason I can think of for my mother spiking my food is because that she don't want me to become too powerful. Because I have not always been her favourite child since young. She has been abusing me both physically and verbally even up to this day. Everything I close my eyes and try to recall nice things about her, her abusive face always comes into the picture.
That's the first reason which causes my schziprenic depression.
The other reasons are caused by the fact that I take a long time to land myself a job. After my university education, I applied for close to 1 year before I can myself a job although I obtained a honours degree.
The other reasons are caused by my ex-bosses. My fisrt ex-boss, Ihwan Limasi, a commercial manager with Philips Singapore at Toa Payoh a few years back, started shouting at me for a lond period of time before I finally decided to call it quits. Then I was a Development Engineer. Within 9 months there, I'm already solving production problems. So his shoutings of me is more of a political move (not because I'm imcompetance), maybe cause by my mom. Because he scolded the same thing that I argued with my mom the previous day.
When I quit, I takes another long period of time (6 months) to land me a 2nd job. The boss, Richard Lim at the now defunct Conion Electronics expect me to lead technicians (with more than 5 years experience) within 3 months of my employment. That's why I quit again.
When I quit, it takes me another long spell (about 6 months) to land myslef a job again. THis time I landed myslef as a Process engineer at Avi-tech. The boss, a hong konger, Franky Tang, abuses me too even during the period of Chinese New Year.
When I quit, it takes me another long spell (about 6 months) to land myself in Speedy-Tech. The boss can't really look for a good reason to terminate me so he ask my Senior engineer to tell me why do I look confused. Even the HR manager Jennifer says she dunno what happen when she ask me to sign the termination letter.
Not that I didn't land myself in any good job with good managers. Seagate and GES treated me very well but my sickness was gradually destabilising me so that's why I quit after I find that I'm pushing myself too hard. When I push myslef hard, I work for nearly 24 hrs for a few days on end without sleep. And this lasted for a couple of months.
And this has made me into a person that hides my true feelings of hurt by always talking humourously. For example, I would start off in a chat room by asking "May I know who lets the dogz out?" And I always say that a lot of people are doing bull-shit jobs.
So all you great Magickcians out there, please help me........should I join a union, if yes how do I do it? |
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