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Found definition; long; prepare for much scrolling
The Emo-Experience
1) The Music
The first question on everybody's mind is: What is Emo?
Emo is really just one type of punk. This little subdividsion can be blamed
on the 80's D.C. hardcore scene, and most of that blame can be placed directly
on the shoulders of Ian McKaye. After Minor Threat and before Fugazi, McKaye
was in a band named Embrace. Almost all Emo sounds something like that band,
or its contemporary, Rights of Spring (Guy Picciotto's band before he too was
in Fugazi).
What is that sound? The generic Emo sound is a guitar or two, a bass, and a
drum set. The riffs and beats are a lot like your standard pop-punk or even
hardcore band, but with melodic sequences carried by erther the bass or one of
the guitars. Of course, there's a wider variety than just that (some have more
acoustic sounding guitars, and it's not unusual to find a piano or strings
thrown in somewhere) but probably eight out of ten have the ssame line up and
much the same sound. The real difference comes in the style of vocals and
lyrics. A lot of pink is screamed or just a step away from spoken, Emo is
almost always sung. Usually it's a tenor voice, very melodic, singing lyrics
about either A) their woman problems or B) about how much life sucks. Those
are the topics for most Emo tunes. If you want to start an Emo band, stick to
those basic guidelines and you're set.
2) The Lifestyle:
Now that you've got a vague idea of the music, it's time to focus on changing
your lifestyle to fit the tunes. Your first step into the Emo transformation
has got to be the clothes. Take all of your name brand clothes from the 90's
and put them in the attic. This is an important step. Next, take all your
bright colors EXCEPT hunter orange and put them with the name brands. To be an
Emo-Kid, you've got to stick to earth tones.
Now that the basics are out of the way, into more detail. There are 2
acceptable types of shirts. There's the 70's cut, button down collared shirt
and the witticim T-shirt. Both should be tight and well-worn. The t-shirt
should have something vague on it, like the name of an unknown high school
track team, or some sort of esoteric symbol, or maybe an Indie brand name. The
only exception to the brand-name rule is Star Wars. Anything with Star Wars on
it, preferably original 70's goods, is a bonus. The same rules apply to
jackets. No big puffy jackets or anything that looks expensive. The cardigan
and jean jacket are definite favorites, but the old obscure sports sweatshirt
or hunter orange vest are acceptable. Moving on down the list, pants are the
next obvious choice. Slacks are preferable, for both sexes. Nothing baggy or
flashy. Shorts are okay, but only with knee-high athletic socks with colored
stripes around the top. Shoes are something along the same lines. Simple,
canvas shoes. Converse, Airwalk and Vans are the usual, but the best would be
some completely unheard of brand bought 3rd or 5th hand from Goodwill.
Fine, you've got yourself lookin' Emo, but there's a few more touches. The
lunchbox is always a good addition. Something with the Muppets or maybe the
Wizard of Oz (or, of course, Star Wars) is good, but only if it's the old
school tin kind, not plastic. Oh yeah, and you have to have a bag. This is
important. You can't be Emo if you don't have a bag. This is a important.
You can't be Emo if you don't have a bag. The courier bags (a.k.a. shoulder
bag, Man-purse, etc.) is the norm, but a beat up Jansport is just as common.
You've got to have to bag to carry all of your intellectual literature and
records.
And, with that,we segue smoothly into the next fisture of Emo lifestyle.
Attitude. The most striking part of an Emo-kiddie's attitude is the humor.
Dry, incisive wit is required, and you must master the "sneer of contempt."
These have got to be used with perfect timing and grace, or you await the
ridicule of your new-found peers. owever, used correctly, a snide comment on
how much life sucks will cause those around you to grimace in agreement and
laugh ironically. A true Emo-kid is above the mainstream, in a world of
his/her own and completely untouchable. You have to be very, very definite on
your likes and dislikes, and make both very well known to those around you.
Most important of all, NEVER ADMIT TO LIKING SOMETHING THAT "EVERYBODY ELSE
LIKES". This is a cardinal sin. Keep that distance, and you'll be able to
hold your won amongst any Emo crowd.
3) The Show
You understand the music, you've got the clothes, you've got your sneer on
auto, you're ready to go to an Emo show. Pack yourselves into your Datsun and
try and find the smalles, most out of theway club possible. Make sure before
you leave that you have plenty of cigarrettes and coffee money. Both of these
are necessary. An Emo show without cigarettes is like a Gwar concert without
fake blood and violence.
Great, now you're at the show (in a venue in the middle of nowhere), seeing a
band (that nobody's heard of), and, completely unexpectedly, this band ROCKS.
They make the Vaselines look like a bunch of whiners. How do you react? DO
NOT DANCE. Don't break out into the funku chicken, do not start spinning
around on the floor, and don't do the little "it's your birthday" dance. As an
Emo-kid, that's all below you. If the band really rocks, you bob your head to
the music. This is the extent of your emotional output. You do this for the
whole show if necessary, but don't lose your dignity.
AFter the show, if the band impressed you that much, you guy their record
(only on vinyl. The true Emo-Kiddie owns only vinyl and a record player that
looks like it's been through WWIII), their T0shirt and sticker. You put the
sticker on your Datsun, and every time you wear your shirt you make sure to
tell people how you discovered the band first. Now THAT is a truly Emo
experience. |
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