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Warning:
The following piece deals with a disturbing theme. Please don't read this if you think you might be distressed by violent imagery. And no, that's not a joke.
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Clip
I saw a video on the net awhile back
(Forget where; I don't think I vistied the site much.)
It was in black and white and looked old
Old film stock, perhaps from the late 50's.
A man shot himself in the mouth in front of a mixed gathering.
I'm not sure why. He pulled the gun out of a brown paper bag
The sort that greengrocers have, and he shouted at the crowd
"Get back!"
A man cries out: "Don't do it!"
He is louder than the rest. Mostly, they gasp and shriek
Something like a power cut, something like Guy Fawkes' Night-
They don't know what sounds to make.
"Don't do it!" louder than the rest;
Does he care more? Is he shouting
So the microphone will pick up his voice,
So that someone listening later Will think him more concerned?
Or is he just one of those people
Always a little louder than the rest.
I don't know
Just like I don't know why the other man-
(Bald, jowly, afraid and wild, locked in a suit and tie)
Has taken a gun from a brown paper bag.
He puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Slumps.
Eyes wide. The blood running from his nose looks black in monochrome.
I replay the film.
How do I know it's real? I don't.
Except for how stupid he looks, dead. Slack-faced and gormless
Actors never look stupid on purpose
Not that kind of stupid.
I watch the first part once more, but I stop it.
Later I turn the lights out. My lips move in the dark
Saying "Don't do it", silently, because I can't be loud enough.
When I fall asleep I look stupid, but I don't bleed. |
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