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Twartsreunited

13:48 / 11.05.02

I was trying to aviod it, i really was, but some kind of morbid curiosity gripped me, not to find out what the morons and scumsags where actully doing with there empty little lives, but to see how many of the luddites worked out how to use a keyboerd.

So with a trembling hand i visted freindsreunited.com and was underwhelmed with the results, according to the biogs of the people i went to school with all the men work in insurance and all the women have kids (the most intresting being a person who now does florestry)

to fill out my biog i decied to lie and lie i did

"Shortly after leaving the school i discorverd i was heir to a gypsy throne and have spent the resulting years surrounded by debourchery, gold and tamberines, often i would wish some of you could see me now, only because the sight of my depraved excesses would probley make your fraglie eyes bleed"

what have you put or would put? please be as untrue as i know your sick little minds can be.

Should this be in creation?

13:57 / 11.05.02

What would I put? Hmmm....good question

"After graduation, I went on to college. I spent a year there, since I figured it was the only way to make any sort of decent living. Finding both school and the subject matter not to my liking, I "acquired" a boat. Taking to the high seas, I now rape and plunder under the name of Captain Treehouse"

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

14:30 / 11.05.02

"After finishing college, I drove all over for 6 months with nothing but notebooks and CDs in the back seat. When my car finally broke down for good, I ended up in a small Canadian town where I set up a used book store and worte while waiting for customers to come in. I use about three different pen names, one for novels, one for mysteries and one for screenplays and am currently writing an adaptation of one of my novels as a screenplay.

And I never think about any of you.

Ever."

14:37 / 11.05.02

about two years ago, i posted to classmates.com that i had won a few film fest awards right after high school for movies i never made. then i dropped out of college and borrowed some money from my peoples to travel to thailand (which i said is now my "spiritual home"). after returning from asia, i set up shop in new york city, and ended up meeting some people who worked for national geographic. i said i was now a cameraman for NG explorer, and that my travels had taken me back to asia, africa, australia, europe and the northern atlantic, and that i was a second unit director on a baja mexico episode about to air. i wish i had waited about 10 years or so, cuz i'm sure no one believed me. my friend, on the other hand, has our graduating class convinced he lives in burbank and guest starred on "Strangers With Candy" and some WB shows.

ONLY NICE THINGS

16:48 / 11.05.02

Well, I understand that the best revenge is to pretend to be living well...

17:05 / 11.05.02

"well after i left school i travelled around europe and scandinavia, i released a record with the band i was in, began writing fiction and am doing rather well in both that and journalism. i have a bunch of loyal and amazing friends and i realised you lot were right about one thing - i *am* one of those wierdo sexual deviants that looks like a boy and likes to fuck women. thank goodness! what do i think of you lot? i don't."

oh sorry, these are supposed to be false biogs.....

17:39 / 11.05.02

I said that I had a fantastic sex life. At the time it seemed funny, now it seems strangely tragic.

15:47 / 12.05.02

"Convinced that life was hopeless and that nobody loved him, he dropped out of college and became fixated with the idea of being a pirate. He'd watch video's of the Disney adaption of Treasure Island obsessively and began constructing his own galleon out of plastic bags, oatmeal and cardboard. He drowned, aged 18, somewhere off the South Coast, during the maiden voyage of his vessel."

That should make them all feel guilty and faintly scared.

15:54 / 12.05.02

I checked my school, and someone I knew was on Iain Duncan Smith's new policy planning group.

I couldn't stop laughing about that one.

pointless and uncalled for

12:34 / 13.05.02

This is what I put in mine a couple of months ago, I may update it soon.

After school I was made apprentice teaboy to god. I served under the current teaboy for three years when it became blindlingly obvious that I would never develop the capacity to make divine tea.

I moved on to the interplanetary Aires Rock commision which was set up by the UN Council for Pan-Xeno Political Affairs. We were given the hearty task of creating an Aires Rock on as many planets. We managed to accomplish fifteen, including Rigel 5 before funding was cut in favour of providing free hotdogs to the Luxumbourg Privy Council.

At this time I was inspired to go into my own business and made my fortune by selling Sock Puppets to Japanese visitors to Germany. After this venture bottomed out I moved into the international arms trade and sold water pistols to the Swiss Liberation Front. This venture was less successful when some leaked the fact that Switzerland was already an independant country just before the deal went down.

After that I decided to take a break from international trade and currently reside at the the North Pole where small little people with pointy ears keep trying to get me to wear an oversized red suit.

I'm thinking that I might try and buy China tomorrow.

14:18 / 13.05.02

How about:

'I know everyone's looking at this biog to see how they come out by comparison.

Trust me. I'm better than you in every single conceivable way. Even if you have more money, a bigger house, a nicer car, you know you're still not as great as I am.'

It might come over as not v modest, but modesty is a much overrated virtue.