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No, sir Mathew. You're wrong.
He:
- has the most awkward scene with a lady-cop ever.
- enters into a class of little girls, flashes his badge to them and says "I'm a cop, see my badge?" in the most hilarious patronizing way.
- right after that, freaks the fuck out screaming and calling them all dirty little liars (his delivery kills, a grown man suddenly becomes six -- why couldn't he have improved and add "whores" as well I'll never know).
- requests a bike from a amish-ish girl under the threat of a gun, "step away from the bike!"
- acts with perfection with the finest script ever, "how did get burned?" (4x)
- freaks the fuck out again storming into strangers' houses screaming he "can do whatever the fuck he wants", yelling at every woman and little girl present, ruining the fun for all the kids, punching off the masks out of the face of every little girl while going ape-shit.
- suffers the most idiotic chase scene, bee VS man, while falling and rolling down the hill.
- walks veeeeery slowly, pissed off entirely, into a smiling-lady's direction AND PUNCHES HER IN THE FUCKING FACE OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE!!!
- kicks Leelee Sobieski into a wall and glass (wtf!), gives out another flying kick, becomes Bruce Lee for half a second and beats her into a pulp in one of the most unbelievable scenes ever (Cage: "you think that was subtle?"; director: "yeah yeah, after they see the ending, people'll go 'maybe the women had a point in their own morbid way', like they did in the original film you know, and then they'll remember this scene of you kicking her face and think 'hmm, maybe he wasn't right' and they'll see that's where we were going for all along, the ambiguity. It's all about the subtlety, man").
- walks around in a bear suit (opening the bear's mouth with both hands so he can discreetly -- because he can't draw attention to himself -- have a dialogue with his ex-wife)
- RUNNING BEAR PUNCH!!!!! You know God invented the universe just for this, right?
- goes into the woods with little girl in bear suit.
- falls into every anti-feminist's delusional nightmare while is hilariously tortured by a bunch of women leaded by Ellen Burstyin -- playing a "feminist" William Wallace.
- yells "killing me won't bring back your goddamn honey!" (that line alone deserves a special award)
- and gives the most perfect, the most awesome CGI acting in the face of this cosmos ("No, not the bees! No, I'm allergic! Ahhh, aaahh! My eyaaahs! They're all over my eyes! My eeeyyyeaaahs! I can't haz biz! Aaaah, aaahh!" -- it's perfect, it's like when you're a kid playing with a friend and you describe something that isn't actually there, so kiddie-lame, so awesome ("aaargh! My guts are falling off! aaargh! I shoot you before I die BANG!").
- various other moments not mentioned.
Without mentioning all the subtlety of the script, of the acting and the entire "holy shit!" factor. I'm totally torrenting this.
C'mon, if people here really feels that much for "ruining" a favorite film (that wasn't that perfect to begin with; a religious virgin square copper?) to the point of not being able to see how amazingly awesome this film is, then... your soul was burned and lost inside that fire with the cop.
For realz. |
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