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Another alternate you

16:16 / 06.05.02

I can trace most of my sometimes less charming personality traits to various factors in my life. not an excuse - I believe you are ultimately responsible for the things that you do and the way that you behave. but I can find them; they are as plain as day and simple enough to define

how about you? is there anything about you (good or bad) that you can trace to people and events?

and what about the really bad things that happened? would you erase them from your life if you could, knowing how that might utterly change who you are now?

16:25 / 06.05.02

Good or bad, I think it's safe to assume much of the way I am now can be traced to selling millions of copies of my records throughout my twenties, and being idolized by teenagers all over the world for my ability to both rock really hard and touch their hearts with my sentimental baladeering.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

16:30 / 06.05.02

Whenever I come across dodgy behaviour that I can relate to the past, I break out the lump-hammer and start smashing.

17:25 / 06.05.02

two questions here: yes, some fairly dreadful past experiences have shaped me. inevitably - good and bad experiences shape us all.

yes, i would delete a lot of the bad things. i have worked very hard for a very long time to change some negative behaviour patterns, i still have some way to go. there may be some things i've learnt from bad experiences but yes, i would love for many things never to have happened. but at the same time, it's made me aware of why i don't want to behave in certain ways and i am painfully aware of the effect one person's behaviour can have on others.

17:49 / 06.05.02

cholister, not garbled at all.

I sometimes wrestle with this, and often Im left feeling sorry for myself rather than actually solving anything

18:00 / 06.05.02

i agree with what your saying bitchiekittie. i don't know if any of you have ever read any of my few posts on this board but the only time i usually speak out is when i have something relevant (i think anyway) to say. The whole aspect of shit that happens to you shaping your behaviour is something i feel strongly about. i don't really want to go into specifics but i know that some negative shit from my upbringing has filtered into my personality and in the past has fucked up some important relationships i have had. At this stage in my life I think i have a grip on it - and I am living at home for the first time in about 7 years.
I think that one has to understand history to stop it repeating. Basically, I do still have my regrets but on reflection I don't know what else could have broke me out of the destructive and self-destructive patterns i was in. I went through a load of heartbreak but I know myself better now and i will never ever let myself turn into such an irresponsible abusive fucking pisshead again. But like i have said before, thank fuck i don't hate me anymore and now i feel all happy and in love with the world again. i can still be a bit intense but sure if i wasn't i wouldn't be me.
I don't think its worth really considering erasing shit that happens to you - good or bad - you just have to try and take the best from everything.
Good shit = joy, bad shit = testing.
Maybe I'm being a bit naive but everything happens for a reason if you don't get wrapped up in your own bullshit. i.e. it aint too hard to deprogram/reprogram yourself

20:24 / 06.05.02

i wouldn't change anything, only because i'm having multiple revelations lately concerning how things connect, and as someone dear to my heart keeps reminding me, without each of those past events you would not exist as you know yourself. and hell, i'm not all that bad, despite the crappy crap that keeps on happening to me/because of me/for me.

and i just realized i'm the way i am, good or bad, because i let billy corgan touch my heart with his sentimental baladeering. (hey, siamese dream is still one of the best sounding albums of the 90's...)

20:32 / 06.05.02

I am who I am. Would changing the events that led to who I am, change me? Yes, but a far better question is, "Would changing the events that shaped me, make me better or worse?" Whose to say what I'd be doing or who I am if I changed some of those events.

I have to say that I wouldn't change anything. Yes, I screwed up. Yes, people screwed me over. But, all in all, I've turned out pretty damn good. I may not like myself or situation sometimes, but its not all bad.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

22:46 / 06.05.02

Theoretically, if personality traits, or patterns specific to you that are sometimes classified under "personality", come under the influence of (if they are indeed not controlled by) outside forces, then altering or erasing a moment of your life would alter who you would eventually grow into. You would not be yourself as you are now. So my question is "do you like who you are now?". I dig who I am. I sometimes even think I'm "cool". I wouldn't change a bit of my past, even the worst parts of my depression.

Do you suppose this is more of a self-esteem issue?

03:12 / 07.05.02

Once I would have said yes and disposed of huge chunks of my past. But I wouldn't be here, in this place without the good and the bad. I would not be me. I'd be some other chump, probably wanting to delete some other bits.

I have learned a lot from my many mistakes, about myself, about other people. Even though I regret a great many things I have done I don't think I would change anything (though I reserve the right to change my mind, I might really fuckup, then who knows...).

11:17 / 07.05.02

johnny: "Do you suppose this is more of a self-esteem issue?"

not really...for me, anyway, Im generally pretty defensive and will bite if I even think you might try to victimize me or someone I care about. while its obviously a fairly self-defeating trait, it also has gotten me out of some potentially very bad situations that people who arent like that havent escaped. some think that its one of my charms and a definite strength. but it took a hell of a lot of hurt to get this way and it sometimes hinders me.

although Im pretty happy with how I am, most of the time, I wish I could get rid of the accompanying baggage

Tryphena Absent

15:45 / 07.05.02

I've got one regret from when I was at school and it's the only thing I'd change. I was friends with this girl who had a phobia about school (looking back I guess she might have been schizophrenic) and I really didn't do enough to help her because I was going through an identity crisis of the extreme sort at the time. If I'd helped a little bit more maybe she would have been ok as it is I don't know where she went, what happened or whether she's still alive today.
As for everything else - I wouldn't change a second.