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Pt 2 an announcement from the anti-tourist board of n.ireland

21:14 / 04.05.02

how can you learn to love yourself if you're flawed?

Everyone's flawed. It's personal perception that makes people think they're worse than others.

You can't do anything to challenge that sort of belief, because it's irrational. All you can do is be nice to someone, and build their self-confidence up.

21:27 / 04.05.02

you can't. having friends who have confronted me with similar stuff, there's no answer you can give. and the shitty thing is you usually understand what they are going through, either because you've ben there yerself or just out of empathy. can't say "look at me/them, i'm/they're ok, just get thru it." that just sucks. this is why scapegoats are so socially functional ("aw, it's not u, it's them fuckin' proddies!")

23:16 / 04.05.02

The cutting is indicative of long-standing problems rather than just what's going on with him at present. He does need to see someone but if he's not prepared to engage with a counsellor/psychotherapist, there's not much you can do to force the issue. I'd be interested to hear more about the "ugly/imperfect" thing, where that stems from.

00:15 / 05.05.02

i semi-disagree with ya there ganesh. i don't think that everybody with issues needs a therapist. hell, mine fucked me up more than helped me. i'm not saying anything against mental help professionals(thought about pursuing that as a career, actually), but never underestimate the ability to work things out for yourself when you have a good support system. once again mcglinchey, wish there was more i could say...

06:24 / 05.05.02

Okay, Utopia, but I'm making the (possibly erroneous) assumptions that a) in order for things to get to the stage where he's cutting himself, his support systems must be less than perfect, and b) local counselling resources are of a certain minimal professional standard. I didn't say that "everyone with issues" needs some sort of professional therapist: from SeanMcGlinchey's description of his friend's problems, however, (and the self-harming in particular, if it wasn't just a one-off occurrence - which it isn't, usually - is ominous) he does.

SeanMcGlinchey, if I were you I'd ask him a little more about the cutting. Is it the first time he's done that? Was there alcohol involved? If that really is a one-off thing then okay, the chance to 'ventilate' might've been all that was needed. If it's a more frequent way of coping with his perceived ugliness/imperfection, then things may be more problematic.