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Underground > Books, Criticism & Writing >

A quick and pointless query

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

00:45 / 21.04.02

In an episode of the simpsons I watched recently, there's the following snippet of dialogue, in which edna and seymour are discussing the schools underfunding:

Edna: How do you expect us to teach with these supplies? Well, this pointer's so old, it's worn down to a nub.
Skinner: [takes it] It still points, doesn't it?
Edna: Stop that! And look at this: the only books we have are ones that were banned by other schools.
Skinner: Well, the kids have to learn about "Tek War" sooner or later. [walks off]

So, why was the book 'Tek Wars', by William Shatner, banned (by various American schools)? I've not read it, and probably don't intend to, what's it about? I googled for info on this, but didn't find anything relevant. If I don't find out, it's going to keep me awake all night...
And I apologise for the sheer triviality of this topic, but it was starting to bug me.

Utopia

00:56 / 21.04.02

i don't think tek war was banned, at least not to my knowledge. a sincere thank you for reminding me of this exchange!

Trijhaos

00:59 / 21.04.02

It was a joke. Some of the others were the satanic verses and the theory of evolution.

I read Tek Wars awhile ago, but can't remember what it was about. Basically you're puply sci-fi adventure thingy.

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

01:26 / 21.04.02

I'm sure I read somewhere, a while back, that is was banned- probably just by a single state or school board (or something, I don't entirely know how the american school/book banning thing works). Heres a list of similar stuff- but which painfully, and crucially does not include tek wars!
http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/banned-books.html

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

01:36 / 21.04.02

Oh, a couple of other things: In the link I posted, a couple of the links in it to the ALA don't work for me. And I'm sure that was where I read this stuff before. (the banned books of 2000, etc). Is is one of those only-some-people-can't-access-that-site things, or is it down, or what?

And Utopia, heres where I got that chunk of dialogue: http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F19.html ,and where you could find much other similar gubbins for your reading pleasure.

Trijhaos

01:38 / 21.04.02

I can't find a single thing, and I've tried every search I can that involves Shatner, Tek War, and banned books. There's nothing out there.

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

01:44 / 21.04.02

Hmmm. Weird. Maybe I just imagined it, and the simpsons people just made it up. I hate it when TV scriptwriters steal my hallucinations. I'm still not entirely convinced, but thanks for looking trijhaos. (and indeed anybody else who looked but hasn't said anything).

Utopia

05:09 / 21.04.02

oh tek war existed, all right. its disappearence is just the world doing penance for its sins (namely, letting capt kirk write a book that wasn't about star trek memories).

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:48 / 21.04.02

Hate to report this, but to the best of my knowledge the Tek War books never disappeared (though even a champion of free speech such as myself could see the merit in banning the fuckers)- at least up until two years ago, when I was working in a sci-fi shop, he was still churning them out.

Interesting fact- according to a guy I used to know (who was a major Shatner fan... guess someone has to be) the main character's name changes its spelling halfway through the series. Not that's quality writing.

Cat Chant

11:35 / 21.04.02

I bet you anything it's not as bad as Paul Darrow's novel Avon: A Terrible Aspect, by page 8 of which we're getting a description from the POV of a young female virgin of what it's like to shag Avon. Very nice, she claims, although from this paragraph, which apparently describes the entire shag, it's hard to see why:

"His mouth sought mine. He carassed [sic] my eyes, my face, my breasts, and his bitter perspiration mingled with mine. He entered me. Pain and pleasure commingled. Even as he burst within me and I cried out, I knew he had planted his seed."

She "would never again be loved so well", apparently.

Sorry for threadrot, I just couldn't help it. AFAIK this book has never been banned, although I wouldn't be the first on the protest line if it were.

Baz Auckland

07:38 / 22.04.02

Thank you for the thread rot. That was awful and made my morning.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:19 / 22.04.02

OK, we need to guttenberg "Avon: a Terrible Aspect" Right Now.

Tek War is also notable for spinning off a truly shit TV series (I assume - have never watched it. Under even my crap radar) which featured the twin talents of the Shat and Greg Fucking Evigan. It is to wonder.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:32 / 22.04.02

Greg Evigan? From TV's "My Two Dads"? Cool.

rizla mission

09:07 / 22.04.02

[insert 'When Insects Attack' joke here]

I'm still endlessly amused by the knwoledge that the heroes of the Tek-War books were 'cop duo Jake Cardigan and Dick Gomez'.

I think the Simpsons joke just rises from Tek-War's legendary shit-ness.

DaveBCooper

15:21 / 22.04.02

IIRC, wasn’t the REAL author of the Tek War series Ron Goulart ?
The man’s name always appears on the acknowledgments pages of the few copies I’ve checked with something like ‘without whom this would have been a bundle of blank pages’ or somesuch.

Then again, I seem to recall seeing some SF book about a spaceship engineer written or co-written by James ‘Scotty’ Doohan which said something like “From the man who’s lived it” or similar…

DBC

Trijhaos

16:37 / 22.04.02

Oh you're talking about the Flight Engineer by James Doohan and S.M. Stirling. They're actually pretty decent sci-fi books. Their quality is lightyears beyond that of the Tek War books.

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