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Revolting neighbours

 
  

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Ariadne
17:29 / 20.04.02
I got up on Friday morning, opened my door, and there on my doorstep was a big pile of poo and tissue paper. The only possible place it could have come from (unless I'm sleep walking) is my neighbours' bathroom which is directly above my door.

I was in a rush so just kicked the doormat-plus-present to one side and zoomed off to work. Then last night I was too drunk to remember about it. So it wasn't till I got up this morning and went out that I remembered, and there it was, a-buzz with big brown flies.

The neighbours were out and so I had the charming task of getting rid of it, wearing rubber gloves and old clothes. When they came home I went round and mentioned this. The woman looked horrified, so I hope that's the last of it - but I'm pretty nervous going out the door now, waiting for flying parcels and a call of "Gardy loo!".

So please tell me neighbour stories to cheer me up.
 
 
Ellis says:
17:31 / 20.04.02
One of the people I share a flat block with stole one of my Amazon packages, opened it, stole the CDs out of it, and left the box on the stairwell. Where i found it. That depressed me for over a week.

Bastards!
 
 
Ariadne
17:33 / 20.04.02
Did they take all the CDs, or just the ones they fancied? That's crap. Especially leaving the box for you to find!
 
 
Sax
17:34 / 20.04.02
That's disgusting! You really think they just slung it out the window of their bathroom? Who the hell are you living next to, Wayne and Waynetta Slob? This isn't the new place, is it?

I've been pretty lucky with neighbours, really. At the last place I had a massive party when I was leaving, and the uptight bigots next door got a bit shirty. The odd thing was, there wasn't even any loud music on - it had got to the time of night when a 50-odd year old bloke I used to work with had done his habitual trick of whipping out his guitar and singing American Pie. It was quite funny to be standing on the doorstep while he was crooning "...took my chevy to the levy and the levy was dry..." while this bloke was shouting at me: "I'm writing to the Noise Abatement Society first thing in the morning!"

Other than that, no real problems. I'm with Gnossos Pappadopoulis from Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me when he was moving into a new flat:

"I must warn you, I have a thing about noise."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I make it."
 
 
Ellis says:
17:35 / 20.04.02
I had ordered two Cds,a Chopin opne and a Classical Chillout one.

My flatmates thought it was funny that anyone would actually want them. But i never found them in the trash or anything, so they must've enjoyed them.
 
 
Ariadne
17:37 / 20.04.02
Haha! Maybe I'll do that when I move. Cause, no, thankfully, this is still the old place.

And I have no idea how it happened. They seem like a pleasant enough couple (and his brother is the landlord) so it's very weird. But there's a high, locked gate and it would be pretty hard for anyone else to get in and just, you know, leave me a surprise. I've run through all possible enemies, but can't think of any.
 
 
Ariadne
17:38 / 20.04.02
And do you have to pay for them Ellis? cause surely Amazon shouldn't have left them where they could get nicked?
 
 
Sax
17:39 / 20.04.02
Perhaps it's the first actual recorded instance where the shit really did hit the fan.
 
 
Ellis says:
17:40 / 20.04.02
The postman leaves them on the windowsil at the bottom of the stairs.

I rang Amazon and they sent replacements, which was nice because they didnt have to.

In the future I am having all orders sent to my work address.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
17:41 / 20.04.02
Guess I'm probably usually the bad neighbour myself. Which is why (having some sense of social responsibility) I now have no walls adjoining anyone's residence. I live above a bar and work nights. That seems sensible to me.
Worst neighbours I ever had were a) generally unpleasant, b) mates with our landlord (which meant we got evicted when the cops AND fire brigade turned up at a Halloween party we had once), and c) very, very paranoid. They accused us of breaking into their house and stealing the guy's wine collection. Their two pieces of evidence for this were that 1) we had a low fence in the back garden between ours and theirs, and 2) we had a shopping trolley in the front yard. Despite much explanation on my part as to why we wouldn't have bothered taking a shopping trolley through the house and over the fence, only to carry it back full of stuff when (had we been cunty enough to actually have NICKED their stuff) it would just have been easier to chuck it over the fence, these two self-contradictory pieces of evidence meant our landlord hated us. Hence the party incident.
Although, poo would be worse.
 
 
Ariadne
17:42 / 20.04.02
Sax - LOL! Thank you for that.

And Ellis, sounds ike the postman's a bit of a twit. Or naive.

Anyway, off out now. Wish me luck getting out the door safely.
 
 
w1rebaby
17:43 / 20.04.02
I was woken this morning to the sound of my neighbour playing and singing along to the intro to a Radiohead song. Which he continued to do for the next two hours. The same song. He does this quite a lot, and sometimes he has his friend round who plays the drums (badly) along to the intros of Radiohead songs.

Occasionally he's known to do Nirvana.
 
 
Shortfatdyke
17:44 / 20.04.02
ariadne - that's gross, really gross. not that you needed me to tell you that.

my downstairs neighbours a couple of years back were drug dealers. it was fabulous - exciting people ringing our doorbell at all hours, people having the living daylights beaten out of them with me, to my eternal shame, too terrified to move let alone call the cops, and one of them at least attempting to gain access to my flat to 'spend some time with me'.

one day there was a ring on the bell. i opened the front door and suddenly there were zillions of policemen there, one with a rather tasty looking battering ram. i practically rolled out the red carpet for them.
 
 
Ariadne
17:44 / 20.04.02
I've had suspicious neighbours, moany neighbours, but never neighbours with nickable wine collections. Otherwise I would probably be guilty of having raided it in moments of desperation.

Ok, have fun. Don't go throwing anything out your bathroom windows, please.
 
 
Sax
17:44 / 20.04.02
Catch you later. I'm having a complete internet night all night tonight cause I'm feeling slobby. That's unless I get arrested in the Habbo Hotel.
 
 
Ariadne
17:45 / 20.04.02
And thanks everyone! I look forward to a huge thread by the time I get home, drunk.
 
 
Shortfatdyke
17:48 / 20.04.02
i should add my own confession: after a night at the pub, marking the anniversary of elvis' 'death', i decided to play the drums. i had my sister's full kit set up in my bedroom to show to a prospective buyer. the neighbours - not the drug dealers, a different house - were amazingly polite. polite, but assertive.
 
 
Sax
17:48 / 20.04.02
<<>>
 
 
The Apple-Picker
17:49 / 20.04.02
I grew up in a pretty typical lower-to-middle middle class neighborhood. It's cute enough, nice old silver maples, and most of the houses are smallish or of average size, and cubic. Right next to my parents' house, though, is a 2-unit apartment building, the tennants of which are rarely friendly or tidy. A few years ago on one fateful night, the slovenly married couple, who was Springer-bait, had a row in the early morning hours. Apparently, Jackie kicked Jimmie out of the apartment because he was drunk and disorderly. He voiced is objections--loudly--screaming his manshee screem and pounding on the roof of his own car with his fists, making dents. Occasionally, his wife would open the door to insult him. And when he hurled his body at her, she'd slam the door and lock it. My dad got his rifle out of the closet and peaked out the window after calling the police. When they arrived, the Jimmie ran away from them, down the street, his wail trailing off in the distance--just like in the movies.

They almost brought the property value down.
 
 
Sax
17:49 / 20.04.02
(not sure what the fuck happened to that last post, but it wasn't important. Carry on)
 
 
Not Here Still
18:02 / 20.04.02
Fairly alright where I live now, but when I was in my first year at Leicester I suffered from a masterpiece of planning in my student halls.

They were a self-catering block, and I thought they would be full of the cool sort of people who couldn't be arsed being told when to eat and did their own thing. But (a) my age and (b) not mad.

Ah, well. They weren't.

I lived with two other first years, who seemed to live in each other's pockets; another first year who said nothing and a second year who only left his room ONCE in the daytime the whole year I was there; the head of the Christian society, who was not the best advert for Christianity; and four very, very hardcore Muslims, who used to put leaflets under my door advocating murdering homosexuals.

They also used to talk about how they hated Christians - often to the head of the Christian society, who said nothing back to them and backed away in fear.

Needless to say, when the quiet first year had a nervous breakdown, the heads of accomodation planning decided that the best person to replace him with was the head of the Gay and Lesbian Society - who was a lovely chap, but who didn't fit in very well with certain other house members. I stopped spending any time in the house if I could avoid it.

Probably not the most fun house I have ever lived in. Someone else on Barbelith lives in the same complex now, IIRC. Hope he's having a better time of it than I am.
 
 
that
18:04 / 20.04.02
That is...er...shitty, Ariadne. I'm sorry. We had our porch used as a loo once or twice, but I don't think that was the neighbours.

Me and my ex made atrocious neighbours - screaming, violent rows, which amazingly our neighbours blamed me for...but, to be fair, the bloke next door had a penchant for tap dancing at seven in the morning to loud music, and their horrible little Stepford child that did not change at all in the two years I lived there would run up and down being generally loud and bratty at a similarly unearthly hour.
 
 
w1rebaby
19:09 / 20.04.02
I lived opposite some dealers at university. Apart from the 3am "ring all the doorbells" clients, they were actually quite nice. The only real contact we had with them was when they popped round to borrow some chairs for a dinner party, and once someone actually asked to borrow a cup of sugar.

The bad-tempered doctor below us complained, though, and they left and were replaced by a bunch of students, several of whom were bouncers. They were nice polite people as well but once... I'd locked myself out and I was dying for the loo, and asked to use theirs. When I went into the bathroom, every single wall was covered from top to bottom with FHM/Loaded posters, and the bath was full to the top with hardcore porn mags. "Er, no girls living here then?" I commented when I emerged.

That was in Edinburgh though, people in London are all scum.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
21:29 / 20.04.02
Hmmm. I've never really had bad neighbors. Well, I suppose there was my old landlord, who was lacking in social skills and had a penchant for writing letters to Sci Fi magazines (and reading them aloud to you once they got published), painting nudes of women he'd dated in the early 1970s(and inviting you in to tell him what you thought), and covering every available surface in the goddamned garden with blue tiling. But he was actually a pretty good guy, even if he was mildly creepy.

Then I guess there were also the coke-addicted/coke-dealing neighbors downstairs once, but they pretty much kept to themselves. In fact they were so paranoid they put a piece of black felt over their window which they would lift up when someone knocked. They scared me a little sometimes, but they never complained or called the cops when the music was too loud - and they did move out finally.
 
 
Ariadne
22:17 / 20.04.02
Hello - back, and a bit tiddly. But there were no surprises on the doorstep, so I'm happy. Fridgemagnet, I'm impressed you had someone ask for sugar, that seems very old fashioned and quite cool. Did they bring you cake later?

Before this, I've had some grotty and horrible flats but the worst was one we rented from these posh folk from Shetland. These people apparently had Charles and Di round for tea on their honeymoon. Makes me feel very sorry for Di, is all I'd say. They were hell. They would turn up unexpectedly, eat all (our!) food in the fridge, and then complain that the flat was dirty.

Urgh. But they never crapped on the doormat, to the best of my knowledge.

Oh dear, bed time for me I think... typing is very hard.
 
 
Red Cross Iodized Salt
01:37 / 21.04.02
I used to live with a large group of people in a converted garage in a slightly dodgy part of Brussels (the building to one side of us was a brothel). We threw quite a lot of parties when we first moved in which I guess annoyed some of our neighbours. Over the course of the next three or four months we had shit (human) put through our letterbox, grafitti sprayed on our front door and our TV and video were stolen. I didn't go back to visit too often after I moved out...
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
03:27 / 21.04.02
My neighbors left a note on my door a couple of years ago saying that if I didn't mow my lawn by 6 PM Saturday night "they would be forced to take action."

Now, this was on a Thursday night when I got home from my job at around 11 PM, and was workign two jobs. I looked at the lawn, and while parts of it were a bit ratty, it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, I could still see where their dog had shat and my son's toy truck, so that isn't "actionably" long.

Now I worked both jobs on Friday (away from home from 6 AM to midnight) and had to work 8-8 on Saturday, so I resolved to make sure I follwed their instructions...and got up at 5 AM Saturday. I got my shower, got ready for work and at 6 AM fired up my lawn mower. When Tubby Housecoat boy came out to ask what the hell I was doing...I told him that I had to be at work until 8 PM, and it was the only way to meet his deadline with a huge, perky smile.

And I got no further notes on my door.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
06:16 / 21.04.02
Forced lawncare? This is a cruel cruel world.
 
 
bio k9
06:36 / 21.04.02
My dad used to take a shovel and throw the neighbors dog shit back on to their lawn.

Last month a meth house was busted four blocks down from where I am now. The guy lived there with chickens. He was eating their eggs.
 
 
Shortfatdyke
08:57 / 21.04.02
in my first flat, my landlord lived upstairs. i had to go up every week and give him the rent. it was a cheap flat, (the fungus on the walls being thrown in for free), i was skint and i really couldn't afford to tell the landlord to fuck off when he came out with his weekly rant, which began thus: "there's decent blacks, and there's niggers. i *detest* niggers." i always assumed that 'niggers' were the ones who didn't pull their forelocks in his prescence, and 'decent blacks' were the ones who took the crummy jobs he didn't want, but i never got to find out.
 
 
Ganesh
11:44 / 21.04.02
Not yet met my new neighbour but I'm told she's a pleasant elderly lady who's the right sort of mad: wears a floaty nightie all the time and makes mild complaints about your music - it isn't loud enough for her to hear...
 
 
Mourne Kransky
18:48 / 21.04.02
We have a mad Turkish woman downstairs who puts Whitney Houston on repeat till you want to scream. She had the cheek to complain about the chanting up here too.

Worst neighbours were the accountancy students who got pissed and broke the trunk of the twenty foot yucca at our front door at 2 in the morning. When we spoke to them the next day, she asked if it could be repaired... Yeah, bit of superglue'll do it every time. Ganesh had to deal with her, I wanted to kill.

Best neighbour is the obsessive compulsive one we never hear a peep out of. There may be bodies buried under his floorboards but he's excellent at organising communal repairs and shit like that.

Fortunately, in Edinburgh, it is very bad form to interact with your neighbours. Suits me fine. Guess we're lucky not to have jobby-throwers, Ariadne.
 
 
Ariadne
19:50 / 21.04.02
Well, it looks like I may have been falsely accusing my neighbours but, if so, the truth is even worse. My neighbour spent all of today checking out drains and stuff, tidying up all the plumbing - so unless it's an elaborate ploy, I don't think they're guilty.

Which means that someone climbed over a seven foot high gate/fence, came round and did a dump outside my door. Urgh.
 
 
Margin Walker
22:24 / 23.04.02
This guy hated his neighbors so much that he created an entire webpage about them. Excerpt:

"After a long hiatus, JD8 comes back strong.  One early morning (around 5:15am), I wake up to the sound of voices.  My wife is wide awake - peeking out of our bedroom miniblinds.  She tells me there are a few fire department trucks outside.   Apparently, a neighbor (from the apartment buildings behind our subdivision) was on his way to work (he's a soldier) and noticed a fire behind JD8’s house.  He jumped over the privacy fence, woke JD8 up, and called the fire department.

I proceeded to go out there to get the scoop on what had happened.  It turns out that JD8 had left a Hibachi grill on top of his wooden picnic table.   Unfortunately, the picnic table was sitting on top of his wooden deck.  To make a long story short, the table and a big part of the deck went up in flames."
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
23:09 / 23.04.02
When I was a student I lived in a fairly shitty little bedsit in Southampton. The flat above was occupied by some form of primate masquerading as a man, whilst the flat below was occupied by his 'mate'. They used to play music to each other. Very loudly. Through my flat. ARGGGH!
 
  

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