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Questions That Drive You Up The Wall

01:56 / 20.04.02

Okay. Here you go.

My top three at the moment :

1. SPARE ANY CHANGE?
Like most other big cities, Vancouver has a problem with junkies and panhandlers (a couple of years ago, I read that we were the drug capital of North America) which means you can't walk ten feet without hearing this one. I hear it at least thirty or forty times a day, day in and day out for eight years - I just can't take it anymore. I like to give when I can but if I threw a quarter to every Moe that asked I'd be broke in a flash. I want to help but I'm a starving artist for christsakes, not Mother Theresa. The heartbreaking thing is, I'm not too far from the street myself which means I get to know alot of these people - almost like family - and it hurts not being able to give or worse, when you've heard the demand so often that you tune it out and they become part of the landscape. You just don't see them any more. Sucks, man.

2.SPARE A SMOKE?
Avoid the change question and nine times out of ten, this is the next thing you hear. Sit on a cafe patio in this beautiful city (you can't smoke indoors here)and you'll get this question every five minutes. I know, I've timed it. And with the goverment taxing us up the ass on cigs (two hikes in the last two months) it's not a cheap habit. Yeah, I know, I'd be a rich man if I quit - but I can't. I'm an addict in a city of addicts, at least it's not H, right?

3. YOU GOT A LIGHT?
Gawd I hate smokers that don't carry their own fire.

So my fellow 'lithers, you got a question that puts you on edge? Then let 'er rip ...

The Apple-Picker

03:06 / 20.04.02

Well, these are the kind of questions that normally drive me up the wall, but sometimes... not.

At the grocery store about a week or so ago, a cute elderly gentleman asked me, "Excuse me, miss--do you know where the canned spinach is?" And the canned spinach was right in front of him. And in the very next aisle, "Could you tell me where the SPAM is?" I'm not sure if he thought I worked there or not (I was carrying around my own shopping basket).

Does anyone else get that? It seems like I rarely enter a store without other customers seeming to think that I am an employee of said store--no matter how I am dressed. Book stores, department stores, grocery stores, okay, maybe not sex shops, but most places. And so there are always the questions that go along with that: "Where might I find the crock pots?" "Could you direct me to the gardening section?" "Where is the SPAM?" And then when I have no nametag, or look bewildered, they scramble to say, "OH, I'm sorry; I thought you worked here."

These questions don't really drive me up the wall. I just tend to find them peculiar, considering--how the hell should I know?

10:07 / 20.04.02

The gay questions ('how did you know', 'which one of you's the woman', etc.) are always annoying.

The Apple-Picker

13:44 / 20.04.02

Shit. I'm naive. Or ignorant.

"which one of you is the woman" --People actually ASK that?!

16:02 / 20.04.02

"What do you do?"
"What kind of music do you like?"
"Wanna come to a show and see this really kewl band, dude?"
"Can I see your tits?"
"Do you have two forms of ID?"
"Did you sign in yet?"

etc. etc. etc.

The Apple-Picker

16:09 / 20.04.02

This was one of my all-time favorites: "Can I have your phone number?" [followed by a response in the negative, and then immediately following...] "Okay, how about some spare change then?"

wembley can change in 28 days

18:51 / 20.04.02

ROTFL!

19:07 / 20.04.02

i'm a film major, which always provokes the question (usually from the most obtuse, loud, arrogant person within ear shot, natch), "So what, you want to be a DIRECTOR or something?!" "No," i reply, "i want to take over the world and the best way to do that is to control the media and lead fucks like you around with a leash."

and after all that's over: "did you see Blade 2? best. movie. ever."

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:48 / 20.04.02

"Oi! What are you doing in my garden?"

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

03:37 / 21.04.02

Can I use your cell phone? (No, it's for my job and I hate it)

What are you going to do with your life? (masterbate and play video games, dad)

Is that your real face or did something, you know, happen to you?

16:26 / 21.04.02

"You look really pale... are you okay?" I eat more red meat than the average lion does in a year. I'm not anemic, iron deficient, consumptive or dead.

16:34 / 21.04.02

for the still in school set:

"what did we do in class on monday?"

have you ever heard the term "circle jerk"

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:44 / 21.04.02

It's not so much the "Got a smoke?" or "Got a light?" questions that I have trouble with. My main problem is the fine froth of indignant sputum that accompanies the inevitable "Oh, yeah, YOU'RE a non-smoker. SURRRE!" when I say No.

The Sinister Haiku Bureau

01:24 / 22.04.02

would you like to install bonzai buddy?

02:45 / 22.04.02

Where do you want to go today?
Well as long as im not driving a microsnoft car Ill be sure to get there without crashing.

Have you tried New AOL version 6.0?
Yes..I found it hard to chew and lacking in taste..its nutrituve value was also low.

Do you really want a clone?
Yes. Millions of them. Then we're going to your house.

02:48 / 22.04.02

and :
DO YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME.
It depends on who else is involved. While you dont intrest me in the least and would most likely turn my stomach, if you were to bring along 1000 supermodels (to be named at a later date) then perhaps I would consider it