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Getting out on the inside

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Murray Hamhandler

01:00 / 19.04.02

Hiya.
Ummm...not exactly sure how to put what I want to say, but I'm gonna try for a close fit. I've realized lately that, although I visit and post regularly on the board, I'm kinda on the outside of the Barbe-social world. I admit that I haven't exactly tried very hard to be overly-social w/many people here (or tried very hard to maintain the social relationships that I have had here), but I'm going to try to come out of my shell a little bit. It's a problem I face in the "outside world" and that I'm coming to terms w/a little at a time, this safe and somewhat cold distance that I can sometimes put between myself and other people who make up my "circle", so I thought that I might make some attempt to rectify the matter somewhat here. I'm not sure of what the general concensus towards me is here (or if anyone even has an opinion one way or the other), but I like most of you folks most of the time and...well, I guess I'm saying that I'd like to be something more than the guy who stands in the far corner w/his arms crossed and occasionally throws his two cents across the room. I'm coming over and I've got mingling on my mind. Is, um...is that cool?
Arthur Sudnam, II

01:13 / 19.04.02

I have the exact same sentiments, Arthur. Heres to steppin' into the spotlight.

By the way, that was one funky dream you had. Cheers.

Eh!

Disco is My Class War

01:21 / 19.04.02

Rather, I think you'll find that rather a lot of people round here who you might think were in the thick of the Barbesocial whirl actually reckon they're on the outer. Like me, sometimes. It's kinda Zen, but the only way you'll feel yourself being sociable is if you post lots, I reckon... And please don't stand in the corner -- not unless it turns you on!

01:24 / 19.04.02

Im in the center of the room. over here! although Im not sure Id call it "mingling"

Murray Hamhandler

01:32 / 19.04.02

Hiya, bitchie... Long time no "see". Sorry that I've kinda "disappeared" on you, after a fashion. Yer a class act, kid.
Arthur Sudnam, II

Murray Hamhandler

01:33 / 19.04.02

Thanks for noticing, nightguard. I hoped that at least one person would reap the benefits of my fever dreams.
Arthur Sudnam, II

01:37 / 19.04.02

Hey, look, you just hit the nail on the head. I'm just the kind of person you talk about, a wallpaper, always looking a picture of boredom. But you know what, I'm gonna change from now on. I'll be a social animal so much so that I'll turn into a Casnova after that! And that's what worries me. You see, I don't want to be the object of envy of my mother and sister when I turn into a Casanova.......

09:46 / 19.04.02

Well, I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Its nice to know I'm not the only one.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:50 / 19.04.02

Enough of this banter! Let's get with the minglage!

16:39 / 19.04.02

This room must have alot of corners...

16:49 / 19.04.02

It does. This room is completly made out of corners.

16:56 / 19.04.02

Like Mister Disco, I've been here a fair amount of time and still feel like I'm on the outside, but seeing as I am unable to post tons, I've come to grips with it. In fact, being invisible (sorry) is kind of fun. By now it's almost an honour to have someone refer to one of your previous posts by saying "Someone on the last page said something about..." You may not get lots of attention, but you still get to learn lots, and more often than not you can creep around all the odd corners of the place that never get involved in flames or other nonsense.

The thing that freaks me out the most is when a long time lurker comes out. "Hey, I've been reading everything you've been saying for years now without you knowing it..."

17:00 / 19.04.02

What's wrong with long time lurkers? I figure lurking for a long time would help one get a better feel for the place.

17:01 / 19.04.02

Don't sell yourself short Arthur.
And hey, come back. I don't want to be the only one chucking change from the corner.

Zoom.

17:07 / 19.04.02

Apologies to long-time lurkers. I tried to find a better way to say how I feel than "freaks me out." To be honest, I like it. When long-time lurkers expose themselves, it shakes me out of the idea that we're only typing for those who are involved in the board. It's a nice kind of paradigm shift that I experience every so often.

17:10 / 19.04.02

I used to be a long-time lurker, I think I lurked for about a year. I think its better to lurk on a message board for awhile, then to register without understanding the..."vibe" of the board, you know?

17:18 / 19.04.02

Oh, certainly. I would never suggest that people shouldn't lurk. I just think it's interesting when they delurk. Suddenly you realize just how public these forums are. When someone delurks and starts discussing things you brought up long ago in a now forgotten thread it brings it all home. Again, nothing wrong with that. Just interesting.

17:20 / 19.04.02

I would just like to take this opportunity to mention how much I love the word/concept 'delurk'. It is like de-cloaking or something. Very SF and cool.

17:45 / 19.04.02

Well Christ, I've posted about 90 topics on Barbelith and I still feel like a lone gunman here, so don't worry about it.

I still get shocked when someone quotes what I've said, mainly because I'm amazed I've said something worth quoting, and I still have this feeling there is a whole Barbe-world of private messages and off-board correspondence which I'm not involved in.

I've only ever met one person on here in real life, and he popped up for about twelve posts and buggered off, and I knew him in the days Before Barbelith rather than meeting him here.

So I wouldn't feel like you're the only outsider or anything. Really, I would recommend doing what I do and not really giving a fuck either way.

And hell, you got a big "hello!" when you turned up here from Kooky, if I recall correctly.

Anyway, if this is a party, I'm going to go and find somewhere quiet to get my papers out...

Matthew Fluxington

17:53 / 19.04.02

I find it strange that you would not consider yourself on the "inside" of Barbelith, Moriarty.

18:27 / 19.04.02

Mr. Disco sed:

I think you'll find that rather a lot of people round here who you might think were in the thick of the Barbesocial whirl actually reckon they're on the outer.

Or egomaniacs like myself who think they're on the inner but are likely on the outer.

Um, Arthur I think it's really all about visibility. More posting = more visibility= more "inner circle" -ness. And of course, I personally remember you from the invissylist days as a likeable individual.

Now then, any more of this Barbelith "inner circle/outer circle" talk and I will make good on my threat to settle this popularity contest once and for all with a Barbelith Prom. And nobody wants pig's blood spilled on anyone...

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

18:55 / 19.04.02

Speak for yourself.

"Barbelith Prom". That sounds really scary.

18:57 / 19.04.02

On the subject of pigs

18:58 / 19.04.02

Look, linking your play, story, whatever 3 times isn't going to get more people to read it. Anyway, there isn't a single damn pig in that story.

19:40 / 19.04.02

I wish I had lurked a little longer then I did. I think I'm only now starting to get the "vibe" ...

19:46 / 19.04.02

Perhaps that feeling of being on the "inside" comes more from PM-ing then actual posting. (Something I've only started doing recently.) It feels far more personal finding a respone in your message box then it does on any of threads ... but then, maybe it's just me. Eh?

22:02 / 19.04.02

Welcome Arthur from a new member. Although I would never have classed myself as a lurker. (You know if you say it enough times, it will make me laugh, lurker, lurker, lurker!) But just feel so inclined to post when I am so inclined, and when I actually have the time to come here and read.
Regardless, Kudos to doing something you wish to.

Reason

Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:08 / 20.04.02

It's a problem I face in the "outside world" and that I'm coming to terms w/a little at a time, this safe and somewhat cold distance that I can sometimes put between myself and other people who make up my "circle"

This kind of struck a chord with me. Any kind of social connection can be hard work, and somethimes it's easier just to leave that protective gap in place. The thing to realise is that social contacts are living things, and need constant maintenance.

And this, from Mister Disco: a lot of people round here who you might think were in the thick of the Barbesocial whirl actually reckon they're on the outer.

Seconded, big time. Don't get me wrong, I've probably had a bigger dose of acceptance from the 'Lith than I have in my entire life, but I'm still frequenty blown away by some completely erroneous assumption that someone's made about me. Which makes me feel more "outer" than "inner."

Murray Hamhandler

02:45 / 21.04.02

Thanks for stroking my Barbe-ego, folks. I'll try to return the favor. You're all fine, fine people, really.

Any kind of social connection can be hard work, and somethimes it's easier just to leave that protective gap in place. The thing to realise is that social contacts are living things, and need constant maintenance.

Yeah, Mordant, that really is the crux of my problem. I tend to maintain for long stretches and then pull back for reasons still unknown to me. Or not even pull back, necessarily. I disconnect. Or fail to maintain. Or basically just not really put forth the effort necessary. I'm aware of the events in my life that have made me this way and I recognize the problem and I'm desperate to fix the problem, so hopefully I'm on my way towards fixing it.
Arthur Sudnam, II

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

03:11 / 21.04.02

Geez, Arthur, I thought you were far better known than I was.

I ALWAYS feel like an outsider in internet forums. Back in the old days of GEnie's comics board, I felt like the newbie, even after about 5 years...because I wasn't there in the beginning. About a month before they shut the place down, I was shocked to find out that I was one of the "so-called" elder statesmen.

I think that's how it happens here. You are around long enough and you become part of the wallpaper.

For now, tho, I'll be hiding at the bar, listening to everyone around me and hoping no one thinks anything I said was as stupid as I feel it is.

Murray Hamhandler

03:43 / 21.04.02

Yeah, I know what you mean, Solitaire. Like Cherry pointed out, between Barbelith and the older Invisibles list, I've been around and fairly active (in spurts, at least) for almost 4 years now. The only people I can think of off the top of my head that have been around in this little community for that long and that I still see around here regularly are Cherry Bomb and kookymojo (although it's hard to tell, what w/the changing of the ficsuits and whatnot). But I still feel like a newbie sittin' on the sidelines a lot of the time, for some reason. It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. And I don't think you've said anything stupid, to my knowledge. Don't you worry 'bout a thing.
Arthur Sudnam, II

Murray Hamhandler

03:54 / 21.04.02

Oh, and old Tom has been around since the beginning too, how could I forget...
I'm sure lots of other old timers will come forth as well, berating me for having forgotten their old-timer status.
Alec Holland/Deric Holloway/Cider Yawhollow/Arthur Sudnam, II

14:22 / 21.04.02

It's a problem I face in the "outside world" and that I'm coming to terms w/a little at a time, this safe and somewhat cold distance that I can sometimes put between myself and other people who make up my "circle", so I thought that I might make some attempt to rectify the matter somewhat here.

That post struck a chord with me too. I've never really been able to get on in large groups. No problems one to one, or in small groups with people I know well...but large groups, brrr... and that does translate over to Barbelith.

15:10 / 21.04.02

Susan has dumped me and is already living with a man and now May is also dumping me for New York Chinatown to work as a masseur with 3 others, following a Malaysian boss. She said she will call me from there. Just keep my fingers cross. She said she will return on Chinese New Year but I thought chinese new year is not a holiday in US. Anyway guess I just need to be dumped a few more times to get used to it. Some things just need getting used to. The song by CHicago.....living without you, takes a lot of getting used to........

16:19 / 21.04.02

I feel your pain, brother.

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