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So my pal Danforth is a walker, yes? That's how we got to know one another. We both enjoyed walking for hours at a time (and we were also both ritually robbing Kroger, a local supermarket chain, for food). We had both learned the value of listening to the homeless in our journeys, but I had never had an experience like the one he told me about. Listen closely, kids...
So he's walking around Clarksville, TN, where I think our pal Trijhaos is near, when he comes across a homeless man sitting down near a phone by a gas station. "Hey kid, c'mere. Wanna see something neat?" Danforth, like myself, did what anyone would have done if a dirty homeless man had beckoned him in the middle of the night. He approached with caution.
"I'm gonna dial a number, and you're gonna listen. Okay?" So the bum dials an 800 number, waits a bit, says "blackjack" into the phone, and hands it to Danforth. Danforth takes the phone, careful not to actually let it touch his mouth, and listens. And before he knows it, he's playing Blackjack with Sean Connery. No, it wasn't actually a live Sean Connery, just a recording of his voice (or more likely a superb impersonator) controlled by a blackjack program. It was still pretty damn weird, though (by the way, if you're interested, the number is 1-800-555-TALK. I promise I'm not making this up. I've used the number myself, although it won't work on a public phone anymore. Get yourself to a residential line and try it. Fun!).
The homeless have given me jewels of information. I've learned a lot about the Russian and Japanese mafia from homeless people before, and I've trusted them ever since. You can learn a lot from the homeless insane, people. Just give 'em a chance. But I wouldn't let them make skin-to-skin contact, if you don't want to feel creepy for at least 36 hours afterwards. |
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