For those of you who've been unable to sleep for wondering how things are progressing between my aunt and myself, here's an update of sorts. For those of you who missed the first installment of this little family drama, my maiden aunt's basically a good person but extremely, fundamentally Baptist; she believes literally in the Bible as unquestionable Word of God.
Anyway, she was the one member of my family who wasn't aware of my sexuality (not consciously, anyway) and, for various reasons, I decided to tell her shortly before moving down to London, last October. To say the 'phone call went badly would be something of an understatement. At 'best', she considered me (and ZoCher, who she likes) to have strayed from the Path and was happy because my 'confession' paved the way to my eventual repentance ('going straight'); at worst, she compared what I 'did' (by which I inferred an assumption of anal sex, although this was far from clear) to murder, sin-wise.
I thought we'd reached a deadlock, and didn't give her my telephone number after I moved to London. I did give her my address, though, and sent her one of those 'Why The Bible's Not Really Homophobic' books (by a gay minister). Silence for months, then a Christmas card.
Heard second-hand that my aunt (whose own mother has pretty bad Alzheimer's and recently went into a nursing home) was becoming unhappy and bitter, complaining that she had been 'forgotten' by other family members. Slightly narked myself, I downed half a bottle of Rioja and wrote to her explaining that she hadn't been abandoned at all and that I'd be happy to get back in touch if I could have some sort of assurance that she wouldn't tell me my relationship was 'sinful' and wouldn't push God down my throat. She wrote back promising she wouldn't 'mention' my relationship (which wasn't quite what I meant) and we're now back in telephone contact.
It's a little weird:
Auntie: So it took me a good day or two to adjust to my varifocals...
Me: Yeah, [ZoCher] was sort of the same; he's used to them now, though.
Auntie: Yes, a good day or two to adjust.
Me: He wears them all the time now, he says it's much clearer when we go to the cinema.
Auntie (resolutely): A good day or two to adjust.
Which is probably about the best I can expect - already better than I had expected.
Anyway, it put me in mind of some of the 'racism apologism' discussions we've had here on Barbelith. While on the one hand I completely agree that making allowances for racist/sexist/homophobic behaviour on the grounds that the racist/sexist/homophobe is 'likeable' is dodgy, this is one situation where I think I really had to - have to - compromise. Perhaps, given time, I can alter her underlying belief structure. Even if I can't, she's modified the expression of her beliefs sufficiently to make an ongoing relationship possible - and that makes me happy. |
