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New Internet quiz thing that tells you which character you are from a cartoon or comic or something!

14:09 / 10.04.02

Just joking.

pointless and uncalled for

14:12 / 10.04.02

Damn you to hell.

I was really excited about filling out another form of inane questions about my sex life and favourite colour/way to die.

Just a big disappointment all round.

14:13 / 10.04.02

I was going to say something unpleasant, but I've just read the abstract. Have a better one. Just don't do it again {waves fist melodramatically}

14:13 / 10.04.02

Okay, you're... The Thing! Behind that rock-hard exterior and that deprived upbringing, beats the heart of an honest soul who just went into space by mistake.

pointless and uncalled for

14:14 / 10.04.02

Phew, I thought my internet test lust would never be sated.

14:47 / 10.04.02

Um. How do you read the abstract? Oh! It dawns on me as my eyes glance upwards.
Hope things get better up there.

14:51 / 10.04.02

You're forgiven, Sax...

I wish all web quizzes *did* have a section for 'favourite way to die' though... Anyone? Bags me *not* drowning or any illness... just something quick and clean. Or, failing that, quick and messy. Where's that firing squad when you need 'em?

15:02 / 10.04.02

We should construct our own...

Someone posts something which is badly-thought-out and absurd. Do you...

a Point out the inherent flaw in their position as stated and ask them politely to clarify
b Pull the post apart sentence by sentence, using your personal erudition and knowledge of Latin tags
c Pull the post apart sentence by sentence, using Google and some half-remembered and incorrect Latin tags
d Post a picture of a penis accompanied by gratuitous abuse
e Call the poster a crypto-fascist
f Quote Deleuze and/or Guattari
g Go and do a silly quiz someone posted in the Conversation

pointless and uncalled for

15:10 / 10.04.02

You are invited to a meet, do you:

a Attend, get incredibly drunk and then post, while still drunk, about the evenings madness.

b Attend get incredibly drunk and post on the evenings madness when sober and try to engage a little spin control.

c Swear up and down that you'll attend but then develop an illness, alternative obligation.

d Post that you would love to attend but cannot due to money/prior obligations/distance/an interfering ocean between you and the meeting place.

e Pull the post apart sentence by sentence, using your personal erudition and knowledge of Latin tags.

ONLY NICE THINGS

15:31 / 10.04.02

You find yourself, by kismet or happenstance you know not, sexually involved with somebody else on Barbelith. Do you:

a) Make no mention of it whatsoever on the board, while necking like rabid ocelots at meets, thus creating a wierd double-vision among your fellow barbeloids.

b) Make no mention of it whatsoever on the board, nor indeed in real life, and deny it point-blank when confronted.

c) Mention your fellow poster, often with hyperlinks, whenever relevant or not screamingly irrelevant. Follow up their lengthy disquisitions with little footnotes like "He does snore, you know - it's really cute".

d) Break it off because you cannot deal with the mind-share involved in hir graceful fielding of multiple requests for ear-penis interfaces on the Interwebnet.

e) Attempt with maniacal fixity of purpose to organise, in principle, a threesome with somebody living in a different state or country.

f) Pull the partner apart sentence by sentence, using your personal erudition and knowledge of Latin tags.

ONLY NICE THINGS

15:59 / 10.04.02

(ahem - just to point out that the above are not based on any particular people, except God help us possibly (f), but rather on personality types, So no more bricks through the window than are absolutely necessary, please)

16:35 / 10.04.02

Everyone on the board seems to hate you and mock your every post. Do you:

a)Leave and join a board more suited to your proclivities, however the fuck that's spelt.

b)Assume that they haven't had their minds blown sufficiently and carry on.

c)'Disappear' and return under another name, carefully constructing an alternate personality and then abandoning it after ten minutes.

d)Harrass all the other posters, using the internet's built in ability to stalk dozens of people simultaneously. That'll get them on your side.

e) Pull the board apart post by post, using your superhuman persistance and subhuman knowledge of Latin tags. That's what they speak in Latin America, right?

pointless and uncalled for

16:37 / 10.04.02

Latin American Graffiti

Less searchable M0rd4nt

03:39 / 11.04.02

You come across a new personality test. Do you:

a) Complete it, and then post the results on the 'lith with a comment to the effect that you are sooo whatever the test said you were.

b) Complete it, and then post the results on the 'lith with a comment to the effect that you're sooo not whatever the result is.

c) Complete it, and then pretend that personality tests are beneath you.

d) Complete it, and then pretend that personality tests are beneath you because the test said you were a girl.

e) Pull the test apart sentence by sentence, using your personal erudition and knowledge of Latin tags.

f) Push someone against a bulkhead and say "Resistance is futile"?

05:12 / 11.04.02

Have you:

a) Regularly attended barbe-meet piss-ups. Always in That London. Where everything always happens.

b) Occasionally met other barbeloids for theatre/art exhibitions/earnest discussions?

c) Contacted other posters via e-mail or telephone to set up creative projects?

d) Never met anyone else from the Underground and always wondered if it was just a BIG JOKE COMPUTER PROGRAMME MADE UP BY TOM AND YOU'RE THE ONLY "REAL" PERSON ON IT?

Disco is My Class War

06:23 / 11.04.02

What is your favourite way to die?

a) Crouched on the bathroom floor right next to the toilet (into which you have vomited), with the Smiths on really really loud in the next room?

b) Gracefully, of old age, in the comfort of the Freaks Anonymous nursing home in Jamaica, with reruns of 'Buffy' playing while you stop breathing?

c) Over and over and over again. Ohhhhhhhhh, and again. Yeah, please, I wanna die one more time tonight...

d) Of autoerotic asphixiation, just like Michael Hutchence.

e) In a plane crash commandeered by terrorists, thus ensuring you attain a small celebrity, leading to the post-humous publication of your unfinished novel by a small but trendy NYC press.

f) With a laptop hooked up to your hospital bed -- with regular posts on Barbelith and your weblog(s) about how long it's taking you to die, how difficult it is to breathe, the philosophical implications of this situation and whether it makes you truly post-human or just a pathetic Net addict. (Reflections on Plato's cave, and Latin tags, an optional extra.)

g) Against the bulkhead, with the words 'Resistance is futile' echoing hollowly in your ears.