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What would you fuck

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09:43 / 06.04.02

Let's face it, most celebrities wouldn't piss on our worthless ugly forms if they were ignited by our own shame, in the land of hyperthetical where all animals can and do give consensual sex, which animal would you fuck?

i'd fuck an owl, permission or not...

Our Lady of The Two Towers

12:42 / 06.04.02

I'd fuck a bus stop.

Up the arse.

13:23 / 06.04.02

Tell you what I wouldn't fuck, those fucking horses in the national...I did put a bet on for my flatmate and he won £100, bastard

14:15 / 06.04.02

Who won?

14:41 / 06.04.02

Bindaree at 20/1, this all feels far too low brow for Barbelith....I'm going to the Daily Sport website...

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

21:53 / 06.04.02

All right, it's bad enough I get e-mail about sex with animals...this needs to stop and stop right now!

Except that llama over there is making eyes at me. Hey baby....

00:49 / 07.04.02

It would have to be a great dane. Just so I could scream out "You want your scoobie-snacks! Dammit all you're gonna earn them!!!"
or
a humming bird...Id just like to see it explode!

Tryphena Absent

01:05 / 07.04.02

nonononononono - it's so worm (wrong) worm

09:15 / 07.04.02

"I won't fuck a dog
Hiding in fog
I won't fuck a cat
And neither a rat.

I won't fuck a duck
Nor will I a buck.

I'll run from a moose
But I'd fuck a platypus."

-Dr. Seuss
"Beastiality Song"

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

10:52 / 07.04.02

I noticed recently that a gentleman from Hull got sent down for shagging goats.

Anybody in from Hull?

10:56 / 07.04.02

Has anyone ever spoken to someone, that actually does this sort of thing, I have and it was very strange.

13:28 / 07.04.02

I used to see a cat fucking another cat.....hmmmmm, I wonder I should fuck both of them. But first, I'll test them by probing their behind with a rounded stick. If they respond, then I'll unzip and shaft it in. I don't think I wanna ejaculate inside them. Cloning have already created a messy business of bastards freaks. I don't wanna add to that. Besides I don't think ejaculation will make the cats feel any difference as I intend to wear a condom with no leaks......

13:43 / 07.04.02

Goldbear, I once talked to a guy whose wife had left him when it transpired he'd been shagging a goat. He was extremely penitent. I'd imagine that talking to an unashamed bestialist would be truly strange...

18:39 / 07.04.02

anyone ever hear the story about the guy whose cat got stuck on the end of his manhood? supposedly, he had to drive hiself to the hospital with the cat freaking out and scratching away...walks into the emergency room, he had a garbage bag tied around his waist, and demands to see a doctor immediately...

an urban myth, i know, but a funny one...

19:28 / 07.04.02

That's not an urban legend though you did get some of the facts wrong.

He didn't fuck a cat. He was fucking the tailpipe of his car and then he got.. "stuck". Thereby he couldn't drive to the hopsital so he carried the car, enclosed in a black garbage bag (it was a small sports car) to the hospital where he demanded to see the resident car mechanic immediattly.

19:50 / 07.04.02

geez, you'd think he would just remove the tailpipe.

05:35 / 08.04.02

no, no, it was president bush, he was fucking the planet earth in the ass and it got stuck on his cock, so he wrapped it up in a giant t-shirt that said "im with stupid" and took it to the cosmic tribunal where he asked to have it removed immediately.

08:19 / 08.04.02

Which animal? Hmmm? Robbie Williams? Ariel Sharon? Margaret Thatcher? Dubbya?

I feel quite ill now. I wish to lie down - fetch me my pleasure monkey.

15:14 / 05.10.08

Ah, the old days. The things you find when you go through your googles, eh?

Kirin? Who the heck?

11:40 / 06.10.08

'I noticed recently that a gentleman from Hull got sent down for shagging goats.

'Anybody in from Hull?'

I, erm, missed that story when it was current. I'm from Hull (well, near Hull). I have never inappropriately touched an animal. I think. Though my uni has a lot of waterfowl and many drunken nights out, so who really knows?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:26 / 06.10.08

Ah, the old days. The things you find when you go through your googles, eh?

It's true, the quality of discussion DID used to be higher.

13:46 / 06.10.08

I'd fuck a stoat...oh hai dint c u there stoatie

Hallo, Paper Spaceboy

13:46 / 06.10.08

Whenever one of these threads gets resurrected, I sometimes fail to notice the timestamps at first, and wonder how the hell it's got this many posts and nobody's pulled out the pitchforks and torches, only then I notice Ganesh's posts and achieve enlightenment.

14:13 / 06.10.08

I notice Ganesh's posts and achieve enlightenment.

Ah, the old days, when Nirvana was easy.

14:48 / 06.10.08

Nowadays we have to settle for Foo Fighters.

02:12 / 07.10.08

I wonder how the hell it's got this many posts and nobody's pulled out the pitchforks and torches

It's funny, isn't it? It's a good thing we're such a better board now.

02:44 / 07.10.08

I have no idea what you're talking about.

ONLY NICE THINGS

05:06 / 07.10.08

It's very easy just to write people off as being stultified beyond salvage, but it may not always be the right thing to do. So, Tsuga, Life Critic, why don't you identify the weaknesses in that argument?

09:17 / 07.10.08

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Damn, I fell into your SNARE. I was posting that link because I had just happened to stumble across it in a search and thought it was another silly thread from the past, not that there's anything particularly wrong with it. Not that there's anything particularly right about it, either. I'm not tacitly agreeing with any "pitchfork" comment about the current board, and I wasn't here when these threads started, so I don't know how different things are now; but I would guess that a thread like that, if started now, might at least get a couple of eye rolls. But— it could be more about context within the time they rose in the forum.
How's that?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:04 / 07.10.08

Personally, I loved the penis thread. It was a response to a thread called (I think) "I have a really great coat", which seemed to degenerate into a cock-waving exercise. Which was also pretty funny.

11:12 / 07.10.08

Halfway down page 2, Ganesh recoils in horror like Dr. Frankenstein.

Ah, the salad days.

And now look - you got me to post in *this* thread. Hmph.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:46 / 07.10.08

Aww, reading that thread's bringing back some great memories. I may start crying manly tears in a minute.

14:21 / 07.10.08

It's very easy just to write people off as being stultified beyond salvage, but it may not always be the right thing to do.

Writing people off only really works if they act in a soap opera you write, I find. Is there something we don't know? Is some Barbelith stalwart about to crash their private jet, never to grace our screens again?

ONLY NICE THINGS

14:37 / 07.10.08

The phrase you are thinking of is write out, I think. I suppose you could try something involving tax accountancy or goodwill losses?

ONLY NICE THINGS

22:08 / 07.10.08

Actually, on reflection, that would be a terrible idea. A mad, half-naked caper across slippery stones. Best never to speak of it again. Whereof we cannot speak, and all that.

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