Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

Morality of the ex

02:11 / 05.04.02

so... here's a quandry. I live in Atlanta, and monday night, whilst reading the AJC newpaper a day late, I see a story about Blogging. You know, keeping an online diary of sorts. So, my ex-husband's new fiancee is mentioned, and they quoted her. (now is the time I take to mention that he seemed to have been engaged to her before we got divorced, and she also wrote up the initial divorce papers, all w/o him telling me this, until, right before we go before the judge to get it finialized, like 2 minutes before)
So, anyway, at the end of the article the URL is listed for all people in the article that were quoted. So, OF COURSE when I get home I go there. I read some of her LiveJournal entries. I see that they've decided that they want to, in their wedding ceremony want to be on hallucingens and have a blood feast. Now, I am all for whatever you want, honest... But he still owes me $800 from unpaid bills, as well as going into my bank account THREE FUCKING TIMES after he's moved out, and we'd been apart like 4 months. A part of me wants to just forward the info to his REALLY uptight mom and grandparents (super catholics) and just sit back and watch the fur fly.
So, since he's owed me this money for over a year, and to boot, took the antique calvary sword my older brother wore when he walked me down the aisle (he's ex-beret) I sorta feel okay with doing this, but I am not a malicious person in general. I've sent him emails w/ itemized listings of whe he owes me, with no response. I have seen him socially a few times, (we run in similar circles in the theater community) he's made no effort to either A: pay me, or 2: talk about paying me. At this point, I guess I'd just like to get the sword back, as it is super sharp, and was my home-defense weapon. I mean, it's got our names and the wedding date engraved on it.
Was this bad, to peek?
I didn't search for it, and my theory is that if it's in a paper w/ a print run of like 2 million sunday editions, it's not like it's a secret.
Let me know what you think, and also, if you've done anything like this, spying on your ex, or his/her new flame...etc.

~keepin' it real, yo, since 1983~

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

02:14 / 05.04.02

Miss Grendix, I believe you know that if I could possibly do it, I would spy on the current boyfriend.

Damn my untrusting nature....

02:21 / 05.04.02

ah.. the call of the wild has happened, if you've home posting at 11 pm... so much for the HOT ENGLISH GUY you rattle on about with your gayboy.

really? you'd spy on him? I never worried about it with HIM (you know, HIM, like from Powerpuff Girls). I just got annoyed with all night playstation marathons and not getting up for work because DOOM II or DARK FORCES called to him til the wee hours.

I am not a jealous person, in general.
oh.. and P.S... HER NIBS completly ignored me yet again. we're going for a 3 week record here! Maybe you should call the job tomorrow, and invite her for lunch, like it's your idea?
*giggle evily*

02:23 / 05.04.02

hoo-boy! let me just say that i am terribly unqualified to give advice in this department, but i shall anyway...

on one hand, you've already set into effect this chain of events by reading the online diary. not acting on your "cruel intentions", of course, will eat at you because the wound is still fresh, and you feel somewhat helpless in your current situation...

on the other hand, what good will fowarding these messages do? the ex could explain to his family it was all a joke, or maybe this will force his new relationship to end; how does getting your sword and money back fit into either of these outcomes?

personally...i wouldn't do what you are proposing to do. perhaps legal action would solve the monetary problem (i know, very "divorce court" but that's life...). this e-mail scheme doesn't seem to have any positive solution.

so chill, have a cold drink, focus on yourself in the present, free of this louse.

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

02:39 / 05.04.02

*thread rot briefly*

I think Her Nibs would think you and I are too close and she might catch on to something. I do want to talk to her to see what's up, and just because you're getting some, doesn't mean you have to be a bee-yotch.

As for HEG, hey...Mr. Jones' lady told me today that I just should not have opened that door and didn't I learn from the last time? What can I say? I am incorrigible and there is no guarantee HEG will call. If he doesn't, no harm, no foul. He's probably a better fantasy anyway.

So yeah, you guessed where I is. Over at Spike's and petting the dog. And abusing his internet connection. Might cruise over to his spank bank in a minute just for hell of it. Did I tell you the other day that he says I have no idea what kind of porn he likes? Ha. You know those links are still outlined when you look at them. How naive he is.

*end of thread rot*

Grendix might have a date tomorrow....nyah-nyah-nyah....

17:09 / 06.04.02

I can understand the desire to do something like this, but I don't recommend it. I definitely don't recommend spying on someone. Especially an ex. Most likely it's only going to cause you pain. Besides that I think once you've broken up with someone, especially someone you were very into, it's in your best interest and theirs to avoid as much contact as possible. At least at first; it's just has the potential to be too painful otherwise.

As far as spying on someone you're dating, well I'm big on the trust thing, and I would feel either very creeped out or very angry (or probably both!) if I found out someone was spying on me. Checking out porn sites though I think is a bit different.

Still, Grendix, I certainly understand your motivation. I just think in the end you're ultimately hurting yourself most with such behavior.

-$.02