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Single parenting n' Love

Rev. Wright

13:02 / 31.03.02

Gotta send out some feelers for feedback, people.
I've been single for a while, not really having a relationship since graduating, and now I live in the same town as me twin boys (3yrs old), the differentiation of mid week and weekend is less defined, and this is where my old relationships used to lie. I'm finding it difficult perceiving a relationship in both camps and with interest in me at present, I wouldn't mind some reflections from other single parents.
What experiences have you had in new partner relationships?
How do you find balancing your children and your new partner?
What do you find are the common problems or issues that arise?

Rev. Wright

13:33 / 01.04.02

Any advice or experience of the problems or issues that arise?

Horus lord of force and fire

13:57 / 01.04.02

Well speaking as a single child I can maybe offer some advice - though I was 16 when my parents split up.

Rev. Wright

16:57 / 01.04.02

Cool.
How did you find things with a new partner, and how did your parents seem with relationships?

Horus lord of force and fire

19:30 / 01.04.02

Let's PM each other. Send me a bunch of questions.

grant

20:17 / 01.04.02

Speaking as a de facto stepfather, I think making buddies with my mate's kid was a vital step. He's also pretty cool, I think. We have fun together.
If we didn't get along, I think that would have been a dealbreaker for the lady in question.

Are you custodial parent? Or just visiting on weekends?

Rev. Wright

07:32 / 02.04.02

Its a 50/50 split, whilst I have no freelance work I'm with my boys half the week. Which covers the weekend, as their mother works then.

bitchiekittie

09:51 / 02.04.02

its only fair let the person you are dating know the situation - for example, if mom is around you a lot, if there is/is not potential for the two of you to get back together, your comfort levels in regards to displays of affection, them spending the night, etc.

not everyone is willing to take the package deal, and you really cant blame them....they not only get you but two kids, an ex and her family, too. its a lot to ask of someone - Im not so sure Id date me

you also have to talk to your ex - talk about your/her expectations and lay some ground rules. its easy for things to get really weird really fast if either of you have residual feelings for one another or inappropriate expectations. its really all about you, your ex and how comfortable the two of you are with things

higuita

10:27 / 02.04.02

As someone speaking from the kids point of view (parents split when I was seven), I felt the most important thing was getting to know the partners gently. Finding a stranger in the house first thing in the morning is freaky. Not nice.
One year, we got saddled with a totally new guy for the whole xmas break.

Resentment? Me?

bitchiekittie

10:32 / 02.04.02

thats true, too. I make it a habit not to introduce my daughter to people Im dating until Im fairly sure they are going to be around for a bit.

Rev. Wright

12:54 / 02.04.02

I'm in a good place, where it comes to the mother of my children, we have a happy stable plutonic relationship for 2years. We live seperate lives, not out of each others pockets, so a new partner would not have to get involved in that area.

Yeah, slowly introducing a new partner or interet into my boys lives is very important. Its also an area that I feel overides my relationship department and distances me from having a relationship.

What are others feelings towards the not able to go for a relationship, and why do you feel this way?

bitchiekittie

13:28 / 02.04.02

I think being a good parent in no way negates your personal needs or desires - in fact, I think part of being a good parent is doing your best to keep yourself sane and happy. not to mention the fact that you cant - and shouldnt - completely shelter your children from life. relationships are messy, and while I dont think you should let your kids experience the weight of a fallout, making them think that life is without hardships, disagreements, mistakes, and disappointment is every bit as foolish as giving them detailed accounts of your personal life.

Rev. Wright

13:38 / 02.04.02

I'm thinking more along the lines of how the parental mindstate/responsibility alters ones outlook and focus, and how that effects ones ability to engage in a relationship. Yeah?
Though maybe I'm subconsciously protecting them strongly, dunno.

bitchiekittie

13:51 / 02.04.02

hmm...you mean not being able to separate from "parent mode"?

if so, I dont see how it would be any different from anything else - we all perform different functions in life, present different faces to maintain the appropriateness of your behavior in a given situation

and again, I think you do yourself and your child(ren) a disservice if you neglect yourself (of course, some people are perfectly happy single and/or nookie-free, in which case ignore that bit)

Rev. Wright

06:42 / 03.04.02

Any more experiences with regards being a single parent and finding love, to be shared?

BioDynamo

07:39 / 03.04.02

A friend of mine took his 6-year old kid and his new girlfriend on a vacation to Italy last summer. Genova, more specifically. To demonstrate.

They had a good time.

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