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Barbelith Updates - Someone please fill me in!

Chubby P

11:32 / 28.03.02

Okay, I've trawled through the threads and I still can't find out what happened. All I know is that everything is now Orange and Grey, we have moderators and we should all worship Cal the saviour of Barbelith. But who is Cal? What is his great gift to us? Are we still in financial strife? Someone please point me to the thread that reveals all this!

Ethan Hawke

12:04 / 28.03.02

Barbelith has been acquired by the Unification Church. Cal, or Sun Myung Cal, is our new leader and teacher.

You'll soon receive the name of your handpicked spouse-to-be via e-mail, and will be required to attend our mass wedding on May 5, 2002.

Bear

12:16 / 28.03.02

I just got my e-mail, my husband is to be Haus. Hope he doesn't mind watching the WWF?

The Mr E suprise

12:17 / 28.03.02

Thats a lie. Barbelith has ascended into the super-sphere, and allr emianing posters are cast out into the hell the is Earth. Cal is our new domitor, and stands to the right of Tom, who is now an elder god.

Bear

12:18 / 28.03.02

Really, does that mean I don't have to marry Haus? Damn (I mean hooray)

gridley

12:24 / 28.03.02

what? and makes haus waste that beautiful dress? of course not, your eternal marriage begins at noon.

Bear

12:37 / 28.03.02

Can we be married by Robbie Williams?

Chubby P

12:38 / 28.03.02

One minute everythings fine, next thing you know you've missed the bus to the super-sphere and been married off to an unknown in the pits of hell. Now if its all nudity, whiping and chains, then hey, I never wanted to go to the supersphere anyway!

Please someone point me to a sensible answer *sob* otherwise I may embaress myself infront of Sun Myung Cal and Tom the Elder God.

The Return Of Rothkoid

12:42 / 28.03.02

Technically, you could be married by me. I'm a reverend. Answered the ad out of the back of the Weekly World News, I did.

Even if the church involved did send me nasty emails, saying I was remarkably unChristian.

The fucks.

sleazenation

12:42 / 28.03.02

Cal sorted out a lot of the backend code behind the latest redesign and helped facilitate the plans tom had for the site... part of this was a decentralised form of moderation, which required more moderators.

Ethan Hawke

12:47 / 28.03.02

Everything IS fine. One more outburst like that, and I'm afraid you'll be forced to report to Re-Education Thread.

higuita

13:03 / 28.03.02

Ooh - have we got one of those now? Tom has been busy. I think I'll nip off there later to see if they can brainwash me into supporting Aston Villa again next season.

Love the name Cal by the way. Makes me want to sing 'a bicycle made for two' in a distressing voice.

Matthew Fluxington

13:16 / 28.03.02

I think it is important for Chubby P to be aware that all of the Moderators are now minor deities in their own right, part of the Barbelith Pantheon...

The Mr E suprise

13:16 / 28.03.02

Reminds me of the name of the Chief Judge in Judge Dredd. Y'know, the one with the hair and the deputy fish...

The Planet of Sound

13:19 / 28.03.02

...and the transgender/semi-naked guards. With lollipops.

deja_vroom

13:28 / 28.03.02

Re: moderators as minor deities:

Hope we don't get assigned with one of those stupid missions on Earth where you have to disguise yourself as a swan, my ass looks terrible in feathers.

pointless and uncalled for

13:29 / 28.03.02

I think Tom was planning on sending you down as a Wildebeast.

deja_vroom

13:34 / 28.03.02

I'm fine with that.

pointless and uncalled for

13:35 / 28.03.02

When I was young I wanted to be Thaddeus P. Wildebeast. One of my favourite comedian alter-ego's from my childhood days.

Morlock - groupie for hire

15:26 / 28.03.02

I still want to be Thaddeus. Dig that luminous codpiece.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

23:56 / 28.03.02

OK, other things you may have missed...

The TV Forum has been turned into a wrasslin debate club where we have decided that Hulk Hogan does Rule, but Ric Flair only Rocks.

The Comics is being run by Joe Quesada and The Knowledge.

The Magick is now been turned over into a forum that discusses the late David Copperfield. Not that he's dead, he just hasn't shown up yet.

And the rest of us are trying to creative a Godhead manifestation of Charles Nelson Reilley.

Other than that, business as usual.

13:45 / 29.03.02

...you mean I castrated myself and bought brand new Nikes for nothing?

Tom Coates

21:43 / 29.03.02

There's always a good reason to castrate yourself and buy good shoes...

Gek

20:45 / 30.03.02

JUST DID IT!

(...snip...)

Logos

23:41 / 30.03.02

According to my message, I'm supposed to marry myself.

It's true we've been dating for a while, but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm cheating on myself.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

23:41 / 30.03.02

When do I get a head like a big squid?

Gek

00:25 / 31.03.02

<: This haz got to be (((THE))) funniest thread in a long time.:>

alas

15:08 / 31.03.02

When do I get a head like a big squid?

yes I first read that as "when do I give head like a big squid?"

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:11 / 31.03.02

Exactly how do squids give head?

Tom Coates

07:44 / 01.04.02

Carefully.

gridley

11:50 / 01.04.02

"I just don't know, Debbie. This is the third time this month Bob has come home with his genitalia covered in black squid ink. Do you think something could be going on?"

Sax

12:01 / 01.04.02

If you're really on the edge you do it with a cuttlefish.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

01:02 / 02.04.02

Chairman Solitaire Rose says tonight's theme ingrediant is.....

Cuddlefish!

You have one hour to make a number of threads with the theme ingrediant, and then we will decided which threads are the best. Who's Cuisine Reigns Supreme?

Lothar Tuppan

02:14 / 02.04.02

Is Haus the Hugglefish?

ONLY NICE THINGS

05:50 / 02.04.02

Believe it, slow-moving target.

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