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I awoke to find myself in an alley, and as alleys go it was quite nice.
I perused my surroundings and something caught my eye; after a quick visit to the opthologist I was back in business.
There were several doors leading off the alley, obviously taking you into some pretty seedy joints.
I had arrived in Barbelith a few days ago after being sought out by a strange character called Kosh, he was immature, inexperienced and wet around the gills.
He was a fish.
He wanted me to track down, as he called hir, 'The suit thief!'
The drizzle was beginning to annoy me. "Strange" I said to no-one in particular. You see in Barbelith it never rains.
It began to pour.
I decided to seek shelter, so I opened one of the doors.
I paused.
The smell of the place hit me like a baseball bat.
"I think you'll find that was a cricket bat chief"
"Don't get smart, Barry" I replied, nursing a bloody nose; it was clear someone had something against me. I pushed them away and took it off.
"You could have warned me about that, Barry, you are supposed to be my
Holy Guardian Sprout."
"Laz, you're a twat."
"What's that Barry?"
"I said 'Laz you've dropped your hat' ". I picked up my hat and put it on at the angle known as rakish and strolled cooly to the bar. Fat bar boy Fangio was doing a dance with the taps. "Like the shoes Fang", he CLICKED onto what i was saying.
Oh how we laughed.
I sat and Fang poured me a bourbon.
"It's raining cats and dogs out there." I engaged Fang in conversation.
"What type of dogs?" he engaged back.
"Well, you've got you spaniels, cocker spaniels, alsations, boxers, bull dogs, labradors, rottwielers, corgies..."
"You sure know your dogs, Laz" interrupted the over sized, blimp like rolliepollie, jelly gutted-
"Turn it in Laz"
"Buddy," I said,"in my business knowing your dogs can mean the difference between taking a stroll in the park and hopping round on one leg"
"Anyway, Laz, enough toot, this lady would like a word with you." I turned on my stool to come face to face with a dame, so I moved back a stool.
Something told me this dame was Shortfatdyke, whom I had unintentionally attacked the other night,
"Could be the name tag floating above her head chief "
"Yes, Barry it could be, but it's more likely to be my superior powers of deductive reasoning."
"That's a load of bull."
"What did you say, Barry?"
"I said 'you're no fool' chief". I decided to ask sfd if she had any ideas as to whom this 'The suit thief may be'.
"So" I enquired "any ideas as to whom this 'The suit thief' may be?", she parted those luscious lips that dames always have in a story like this and said......
[ 15-03-2002: Message edited by: Lazlo Woodbine [call me Laz] ] |
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