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Underground > Creation >

Play - notes

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We're The Great Old Ones Now

12:07 / 11.02.02

I realise this is less than spontaneous, but that was just the way it happened initially.

I love scene (i).

Let me suggest that we juxtapose celebrity, named characters in an urban setting which is fairly surreal and devoid of moral markers with a 'heartland' setting where life is harder and options less muddy.

In American writing and especially film-making, a journey to the heartland would restore the soul, where a journey to Washington refreshes a sence of intellectual and political dedication, a re-affirmation of the US project (Mr. Smith Goes To Washington contrasted with 'Pelican Brief', where Julia Roberts visits the Washington house and finds it full of costumed idiots).

If I'm wrong, burn me off and we'll start scene (ii) again!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:04 / 11.02.02

Out of date before I posted, as ever...[sigh]...I'm getting old.

14:47 / 12.02.02

How're we going to handle the, err, "Cut to -" stage direction?

Shouldn't that be edited to something more... play-like?

"Lights up to reveal..." or something?

as if the stage is divided now between a camera area and the tableau with the prairie racists...

[ 12-02-2002: Message edited by: grant ]

04:57 / 13.02.02

I'm imagining that the egg the woman left is rather large, the size of a persons head, and has a slight blue tint to it. Anyone else?

Just for the record: I'm bothered by TK-1s second "contribution" to the play. Congratulations on the discovery of the word "nigger", young man. Now fuck off. This is the shit that kills projects in the creation. Someone shows up and throws some crazy shit into the story and for the next four or five posts people try to steer the thread back on track. And the fact that you chose to add racist elements to your hijacking of the play says a lot about you doesn't it. Words have meanings, you little unwanted gypsie bastard, but you understand that, don't you? Knock it off already.

And as for the down home porno star, Rock Hard: why is he supposed to be called that, exactly? No one in the play has called him by name.

Nick, I hope you moderate the hell out of the play, ditching the attempts to derail the thread and tweaking the beginning to set up the camera man as a member of the cast, among other things. Maybe everyone that has contributed to the play can come here and cast a vote about any changes that are going to occur.

[ 13-02-2002: Message edited by: Bio K9 ]

08:22 / 13.02.02

My two cents: leave the prairie sequence as it is - this is a play, right? And a first draft? So you can always cut the hell out of it later. Just don't lose the momentum now!

Liking it. Will try to contribute something later.

14:20 / 13.02.02

If every character was admirable or at least decent in every respect, stories would get boring. I was looking forward to the prairie racists having a reckoning. Once I figure out what the stage looks like.

18:01 / 13.02.02

The next part is even better, with its fast action movie cuts anbd "wierd negro dancing". Enjoy.

<quits due to artistic differences>

19:06 / 13.02.02

Like the mentions of homophobia, lap-dancers, etc., the "niggers" stuff seems to be a calculated (and somewhat heavy-handed) attempt to jar with what's seen as Barbelith's 'political correctness gone maaad' tone. Contrived and rather pathetic in the familiar 'look at me' style. Ignore it and carry on; it can always be cut out if/when you get to that stage.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

09:36 / 14.02.02

Okay, fuckhead, that's it. The Play topic is closed and will remain so until I have resolved the question of whether I should simply be cutting every moronic and offensive piece of drivel your sub-cretinous mind turns out or whether there's a better way of dealing with you. I gave you a shot, you blew it.

I don't know whether it has escaped your notice that most of the topics you've posted to have died or continued in spite of rather than because of your contributions, but as far as I'm concerned you're toxic waste and a shameful misuse of oxygen on this planet.

Feel free to cry 'censoreship' (and incidentally that isn't how you spell it) but understand that I won't be party to this. I'll address the issue seriously in the morning.

Everyone else, I'm sorry he exists and that I haven't yet deleted every sorry, prejudiced, offensive word, but I've been busy and now I'm back and I'm very, very pissed off.

I'm soliciting opinions about appropriate responses, but could we take this to the Policy forum and the appropriate thread therein, because I don't want to clutter up the Creation more than necessary.

Please also feel free to take me to task if this is a late-night over reaction. I will, of course, unlock the topic and refrain from expunging Snoop if I'm being a stuffy old sod - something which does happen from time to time, however much I try to avoid it.

Thank you all for your patience.

09:36 / 14.02.02

No, its more like this:
The first time your dog shits on the rug you clean it up.
When the dog shits on the rug everytime it enters the room, you put the dog outside.

09:36 / 14.02.02

quote: I've got to say, I think closing the play because it's not going the way you want it to and you consider my contributions to be below par is a bit like taking your ball inside and denying everyone else the opportunity to play. But it's not your ball.

Nope - instead it's like having to stop the football match because some idiot starts spitting at the players and frantically masturbating in front of nearby kiddies.

09:36 / 14.02.02

I liked mine better.

13:07 / 14.02.02

In this instance, actually, I'm fine with the, er, contribution. It definitely plumbs some taboos, and sets up heartland villainy. I don't have a problem with characters using racial slurs - it's not like the characters have to be OK, after all. It's not at all out of character for certain otherwise homey, wholesome, old fashioned American households. It's certainly spontaneous, and it sure gets a reaction.

I have more of a problem with naming a character and giving him a bizarre profession (porn star) then killing him in the next line. Just sloppy writing, that.

13:54 / 14.02.02

I'm beginning to get the impression that there was another "racist" post that was... more inflammatory. Not sure, though. Someone illuminate me.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:05 / 14.02.02

Yes, there was one that included "weird negroe dancing" and cannibalism...

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:33 / 14.02.02

Oh, yes. The second post truly put the first in the shade. As you say, number one was almost okay, and certainly it was possible to work with it. Not so the second.

16:20 / 15.02.02

I'd just like to thank Nick & Tom for doing what really needed to be done.

And encourage everyone else to contribute to the play.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

16:11 / 19.02.02

BTW: I'm making the "Cut" direction into a character. Cut from now on should be assumed to indicate a woman wearing white clothes and a blank white mask. Her walking from scene to scene will tell the audience (and the cameraman) where they should be looking, and she'll have a long steel pointer to indicate closeups.

[ 19-02-2002: Message edited by: Mordant C@rnival ]

17:15 / 19.02.02

I just wrote something for act ii. If you think it's lame I can take it out, no problem.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:48 / 20.02.02

I love it all. May I suggest that Cut and Cameraman are due for a romance?

13:23 / 27.02.02

Um, did I kill the "Play" thread? if so, I can delete my entry. I was trying to set up for a scene cut so that new situations/characters to be intro'd, as I thought the Bobcat eating the offsrping omelet was going on a little too long.

Any ideas where this should go next? I've really enjoyed reading it so far, and it would be a shame if it died an ignominous death.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:16 / 27.02.02

I think that's a natural end point though. Don't delete it. If we want more play then we can start on the sequel, no?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:47 / 27.02.02

There yer go- an new pit of play. Don't say I never gives yer nuffink.

[ 27-02-2002: Message edited by: Mordant C@rnival ]

We're The Great Old Ones Now

05:38 / 04.03.02

Any feelings on the arrival of the Indians? It might work, it might not. Let me know what you think.

17:18 / 04.03.02

wow, the play is getting to be like one of those mechanical bull machines. from time to time, I think I to myself, "hey, I could do that," but almost immediately upon getting on, I get knocked across the room, only to wake up three days later, covered in saw dust, and in a completely different time zone....

18:14 / 04.03.02

Honestly, I was a little un-comfy with the Indians bit...it smelled of a previous scene involved African cannibals. And Western-movie Indians are just a tired bit 'o subject matter.
That said, I like the redirect, Nick.

Have just throw in my own two cents, plz go look. I crave all of y'alls attention. I just plain want to mainline it...DO NOT DENY MY VEINS!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

19:44 / 04.03.02

Mr. I, you're a hard man to get hold of. If you had an email address or would switch on the PM, it would make life easier...

Problems:

1) (minor) God turns to three times his size? How? This is not a movie, it's a stage play. Same problem with the frog.

2) (major) For my money, the re-direction of the story here is simply too much. The language changes, the tone changes, the humour changes, the thematic content, such as it is, changes...basically, this action just drops in from elsewhere.

3) I quite like the Indians and I think grant was doing some interesting stuff with 'em.

Comments, anyone?

Mr insensitive

19:58 / 04.03.02

The redirection of the story? Are you tripping?

20:00 / 04.03.02

Oh shit I just pulled my whole bit...sorry, Nick. Will try to recuperate it....

We're The Great Old Ones Now

20:36 / 04.03.02

No, I'm not tripping...This is a communal effort, after all - which means not that no one owns it, but that everyone does to a degree. And there have been whispers of doubt...

You going to address those thar issues, Mr. I?

09:22 / 05.03.02

Reconstituted my last bit of play...tried to integrate the "God gets bigger" thing in a way that's [hopefully] funny, and even a tad symbolic. Plz critique...willing to change/edit as per suggestion.

09:22 / 05.03.02

The whole thing derailed with that gladiator scene.

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: I'm Not Here de Jade ]

Haus about we all give each other a big lovely huggle?

09:22 / 05.03.02

(Edited to provide a clean slate. Can you smear shit over a slate? I can't see why not...)

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: Tannhauser ]

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: Tannhauser ]

We're The Great Old Ones Now

09:22 / 05.03.02

[edited out included: request to Tann to alter previous post]

Policy statement:

I will function on the basis that any poster intends to be a positive addition until and unless that idea becomes untenable.

I see merit in the Mr I. posts, though I believe they require heavy editing, as do almost all creative projects. I'm hoping to keep our major editing until we have something resembling at least a twenty minute playlet, but if a scene has derailed, I will ask that it be altered.

[ 05-03-2002: Message edited by: Nick ]

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:22 / 05.03.02

<bites tongue and steps a-waaaaayyyy from the keyboard.>

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