Fucksake. Ok, I've been putting this off, because it is not a pretty story, and I will not tell it well. The presentation, as you know, was on Saturday, and I dragged poor sfd with me, and another non-Barbelith participant came along just in time to miss my bit. Which was no major loss. Unfortunately, I went first, and no one bothered to mention to me that I was allowed to ramble on for a lot longer than the film-makers...so I kept it short, sweet, and respectful, unlike pretty much every other photographer, who othered their participants left right and centre, and rambled on for decades. Basically, it was worse than I thought it'd be, and this is not going to make anyone feel any better than it makes me feel, but all my fears about the audience reaction were pretty much justified. Many anthropology students and their SO's and friends are such arses. A couple of the women behind me were laughing at the participants *in their own films* - that is pretty much the height of intellectual sophistication and ethical rectitude in that college. Chrissake, even the lecturer was made nervous by my topic. If it had been a bunch of photos of plasticky women in white tassled boots with bunches and goosepimples from the nipple-hardening cold, people would have been able to deal. But, as it was photos of a bunch of brave women in control of their own sexualities and sexual destinies...well, suffice it to say, that I am even surer than ever that honest female sexuality freaks people out. I am sooooooo pissed off at the narrow-mindedness and arseholittude of these fucking people. Most people were kind of nonplussed. Giggling though - there was giggling in the room, from women, of all fucking people. Jesus shagging Christ. I don't know whether to to comforted or terrified by the fact that these people did not seem to understand anthropology or ethical fieldwork in general any more than they understood my project. The fact that many anth. students are still stuck in Malinowski-era anthropology with a pop soundtrack is really utterly sickening.
Ok...rant over... basically, I feel like I did not present my project nearly as well as I could have, partially because I did not realise that I was allowed to talk at length, and partially because I was nervous. I passed the photos round on laminated A4 sheets. I feel like it *was* wrong of me to present this project in that environment, although I have to admit I did think the audience would be less fucking narrow-minded about it... I also thought the audience would be smaller, I have to admit.
Basically, I'd just like to say sorry to everyone, and to say again that I really really really appreciate your participation. I am really sorry... I feel like I have let you all down, and that I never should've presented in the first place. Sorry, everyone, and thank you... if anyone wants me to extract their photos before I hand in my project to be assessed, I completely understand. But that is the bad bit over with, really... really sorry, again... |
