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The Odd Odds

  
 
Enamon
19:59 / 13.11.01
I wonder what's higher - the odds of me winning the lottery or the odds of the Earth getting hit by a moderately sized asteroid? Imagine, you go out and buy a lotto ticket only to find out that you've won. Grinning, you look up at the sky and see a large chunk of rock and ice hurtling towards the Earth. Meanwhile, at that very same moment, an airliner filled with people all named Bob crashes nose first into the deli where you bought your Lotto ticket. Somehow everyone survives. Well, almost. The first person to get out of the plane is hit by a runaway taxi that has a liscence plate number of 123ABCD. Of course, nobody notices. Everyone's too busy staring at the incoming asteroid whose shape is an exact replica of John F. Kennedy's head. After his assassination. The man who points this fact out, breaks down and admits to being the man who shot and killed John F. Kennedy. Strangely enough he is also a descendant of John Wilkes Booth - the man accused of shooting and killing Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln was the 16th president of the United States who died when he was 56. 16 is the first number on your winning lotto ticket and 56 is the last. Still, none of this matters, as the United States is about to be wiped out by a moderately sized asteroid shaped like JFK's perforated head. Right before the asteroid hits, a thought crosses your mind - "I wonder what's higher - the odds of me winning the lottery or the odds of the Earth getting hit by a moderately sized asteroid?"
 
 
Enamon
06:49 / 14.11.01
Buffalo Wings

You know, now I'm convinced that buffalo must have some sort of vestigial wings. It's true. You can buy them by the bucket. Of course THEY don't want you to know (or even suspect!) any of this. It's quite damaging for the status quo, considering the implications. Think about it. Vestigial wings. Evidence that at one point in history buffalo flew!

Perhaps it was many a millenia ago when buffalo flight was common place. Burly bison would soar up in the clouds then swoop down to the earth to feed on fields of grain. The head buffalo, called the "Alpha Pack" by lower buffalo, were equipped with machine gun horns that shot heavy lead rounds. Dogfights, or "buffalofights" as they were called back then, were quite common and had resulted in the deaths of quite a lot of buffalo.

The top buffalofighter was named Meister Buffalo but everyone called him the Red Baron. It was said that he was the largest buffalo that ever lived, being the size of ten normal buffalo put together. It is said that he emerged from his mother's womb as a full grown adult buffalo. Over the strenuous years of continuos buffalo fighting he grew larger and larger in stature and experience until both reached collossal proportions. However, his immense size and tremendous skill, weren't his only trademarks. He was mainly known for his hide.

It was dark red in color. Some said it resembled a canvas completely painted over with spilled buffalo blood. Others claimed it reminiscent of the dark underbelly of the earth. Hot and hellish like an angry volcano. Still others just said that it looked cool. Never the less, it was because of his hellish hide that Meister Buffalo became known as... the Red Baron!

Many a buffalo had gone up against the Red Baron. Flying bison from all over had challenged him. The Red Baron beat them all. No one could claim to have defeated the Red Baron. He simply never lost! Fight after fight, he made his way up the Alpha Pack until one day he found himself at the top.

Now bored and weary with regular flying buffalo combat, the Red Baron longed for new challenges and new forms of buffalofighting. He raised a call for wise bison from all over to devise something new to interest him. A new challenge. Finally, after years of searching, he came across the 3 Magi buffalo.

The 3 Magi buffalo were the wisest buffalo in existence. Their knowledge of spiritual and earthly matters were extraordinary. They knew all the secrets of Earth, Time, and Space. They even knew the secret KFC recipe. They also knew the answer to the Red Baron's dilemma.

The solution was quite simple in thought. Quite difficult in operation. The 3 wise Magi buffalo knew that the days of the buffalo were numbered. No matter how many new buffalo would be birthed, none would be able to stand up to the Red Baron. The 3 Magi buffalo had only one place to look to for new challenges. The future! The 3 Magi buffalo would send the Red Baron forward in time!

Now as I stated before, the solution was quite simple in thought but quite difficult in operation. To send the Red Baron forward in time would require an opening of a portal. This took all of the Magi buffalo magickal knowledge and skill. Sacrifices were made, chants were chanted, incense was burned, the proper sex magick rites performed, until finally... the portal opened. The Red Baron stepped through....

In the meanwhile, some of the Alpha Pack began to realize that their superior social status would quickly deteriorate once the flying buffalo kind would begin to diminish. Assembling together in secret rooms hidden beneath the floors of holy buffalo temples, they conspired to follow the Red Baron through the time portal. Once in the future they would gang up on Meister Buffalo and kill him thus making them the top buffalo of the future. They had their plan, now they had to carry it out.

The rest of the Alpha Pack soon caught wind of this plot. Angered by this heinous plot to kill the Red Baron, they decided to join up in the face of justice and prevent any criminal doings. They would police the magickal ceremony of the 3 Magi buffalo and disrupt any conspiracy that dares show itself at the time of the opening of the time portal. They had their plan, now they too had to carry it out.

As I said before, the ceremony was complete and the Red Baron stepped through the portal. Suddenly a horde of renegade Alpha Pack buffalo rushed towards the portal, horns bared, and leaped through. They were followed by the rest of the Alpha Pack which sought to eliminate the renegades. This way the entire Alpha Pack of flying buffalo ended up in the future. Or as we like to call it - the Present!

The mob of flying buffalo, that being the Alpha Pack, the renegades from the Alpha Pack, and the Red Baron himself, appeared somewhere near Roswell, New Mexico in the year 1947. As soon as all the flying buffalo materialized a tremendous buffalofight ensued. The renegade Alpha Pack began firing at the Red Baron. The Red Baron, caught by surprise, sustained quite a lot of injury in the initial attack. However, within moments, he was being aided by the rest of the Alpha Pack as they began pulling buffalo runs on the renegade buffalo. The buffalofight lasted for half an hour with both sides sustaining great injury. The climax of the fight came when the Red Baron, greatly weakened by his wounds, crashed into the ground. The resulting explosion sent the rest of the flying buffalo hurtling towards parts unseen. The only thing that remained was a large cloud of dark reddish dust and the remains of the, now dead, Meister Buffalo. This came to be known as the Roswell UFO Crash.

So what happened to the other buffalo, you ask? The two sides continue fighting to this day. Occasionally, people catch a glimpse of flying buffalo duking it out in the sky. They mistake these creatures for UFOs and flying saucers. Alas, they are not that at all. These things men call "saucers" and "UFOs" are non other than flying buffalo. Flying buffalo fighting, not only because of the Red Baron, no, they fight for their legacy. The legacy of the flying buffalo!

[ 14-11-2001: Message edited by: Enamon ]
 
 
Enamon
19:52 / 14.11.01
In reply to my first story.... HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!?!?!?!?
http://www.rense.com/general16/lot.htm

quoteoomed Plane's Number
Is Lottery Winner
11-14-1

TRENTON, N.J. (Reuters) - The New Jersey Lottery will pay out more than $1 million to thousands of lottery winners who bet on the flight number of the jetliner that crashed in New York this week, lottery officials said on Tuesday.

American Airlines Flight 587 plunged into a quiet Queens neighborhood on Monday morning, killing all 260 people aboard the Airbus A300 in a fiery air disaster that shook New Yorkers with fears of a deadly new attack almost exactly two months after Sept. 11.

Hours later, not only did ``587'' turn out to be the winning number in the New Jersey Lottery's Pick-3 game, but players wound up buying a whopping 27,829 winning tickets. They each won $16, and the money won by other types of tickets that also contained the flight number pushed the total payout over $1 million.

The macabre twist of fate did not end there, however, because a slight variation on the plane's flight number -- 578 -- had also been the winner in a midday lottery drawing.

Virginia Haines, executive director of the New Jersey Lottery, said the matching numbers were an obvious rarity. ''Since I've been director, for over seven years, it's the first time this has happened with Pick-3,'' she said.

But Haines said numbers involved in disasters, even the numerical date for the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, are often ready fodder for lottery players in search of a winner.

``It's sad to say,'' Haines remarked. ``I don't understand all of their thinking, but numbers like this mean something to people who play. They're not taking away from how they feel about the tragedy. It's just numbers.''

Earlier this months in Colombia, nearly 1,000 people who bet on 311 -- the number on the license plate of a vehicle used as a car bomb by Marxist rebels -- won about $350 each in a state-sponsored lottery. A betting house manager said at least one out of every five winners had bet on the license plate which had been flashed across the evening television news.

The Pick-3 game, which costs 50 cents to play, is one of five New Jersey Lottery games that generate annual revenues of $1.8 billion. Proceeds fund education and institutional housing for the physically and mentally disabled.
 
  
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