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The Final Cut

19:46 / 28.02.02

(Last one, I promise--maybe!)

<fingers crossed behind back>

"Goodbye cruel world, I'm leaving you today."

Ever felt like that?

I have, twice.

Once when I was a wee nipper and my parents were having *another* fight late into the night. I had been playing with my chemistry set in the basement and had a head full of noxious fumes. I was diZzy and feeling a trite ill lying in bed listening to my parents abuse one and other and I thought,

"Death, please take me before morning comes. I do not want to be here anymore. I've got a mixture of toxic chemicals streaming through my body: let that be enough."

But of course I woke the next day to still be a member of a decaying home. I think it made me stronger though, the fact that I wanted to die but then didn't.

The second time was about half my life ago, when I was involved in one of those "I love you, I hate you" teen-angst relationships. I was having one of those daily fights with my girl when I grabbed a knife from the kitchen counter and held it against my wrist. I don't think I really had the intention to slice that vein open, but did it more for the dramatic "I need you and I'll die if I can't have you" effect. Needless to say, I didn't and so here I am today.

They say that before Buckminster Fuller did all his groundbreaking work that he was so low in life that he found himself contemplating suicide. But then he realized all the things he had to live for, and went on to try to make the world a better place.

Can contemplating suicide (but not actually doing it, obviously) be a way to tap into that bottomless well of potential that exists in everyone of us?

m3

19:51 / 28.02.02

I contemplate suicide every day.

But there is always something that draws my mind away from it. But every day, even if it's just for a little bit, a couple of seconds, I think of how much easier it would be to just die. To go on, or to have another go 'round, or just to stop. And, cliched as it might sound, the thing that stops my thoughts most times is the intense sadness I feel at leaving behind all the wonderful people I know in this life. I'm not ready to leave them yet. If I'll ever be.

Zoom.

(feeling maudlin)

19:56 / 28.02.02

unfortunately, the only times I've considered suicide have been times when I've actually been prepared to do it. Nothing really life-enhancing there. I wouldn't mind if all the occasions it's ever happened never took place. I wouldn't really be missing anything.

nothing very concrete anyway - just the odd wandering into streets without caring where the traffic was

20:07 / 28.02.02

Probably a good idea not to post that....

[ 28-02-2002: Message edited by: bear ]

11:50 / 04.03.02

Been thinking about this.

So, do you think that the fact that humans can commit suicide is a step forward or not? Does it point to something intrinsically wrong with the human animal that we can overide our self-preservation instinct? Or is it a step forward in that we can separate ourselves from our instinct? And is that really a step forward?

Zoom.

03:56 / 05.03.02

Zoom, these are tough questions! I'm going to think about them before I attempt any kind of response. In the meantime, this sorta' seems more Headshoppy, ya? Why not copy your questions and repost over there? Has the potential for an interesting (and likely heated) discussion!

m3

08:43 / 05.03.02

suicide. Hmmm. Well, speaking from a spiritual POV I don't think it solves much, unless you've fucked up your current manifestation so much that it's reincarnation or nothing. I realise this is a whole different can of worms but my experiences with past-life stuff suggests that suicide (in fact pretty much any form of 'premature' death) just makes the problems even harder to deal with next time around, because everyone has new faces and can't remember the history, yet the feelings are still there.

OTOH, dying well is an artform and an act of profound healing. And contemplating death is a very transformative practice...

19:49 / 19.09.03

I though tthis might be about deforestation but I was wrong.

Nietzsch E. Coyote

20:24 / 19.09.03

m3 if you are seriously, seriously considering suicide.

I am SERIOUSLY going to KICK YOUR ASS!

Stop fucking around you need to drive me to the airport.

23:03 / 20.09.03

'Is it a step forward of backward', could be rephrased as 'Does it have anything positive to add to the human race?'

Well...I hate to say it, but perhaps. You take out a few people who dont have any desire to keep going, who are no longer going to try in life (perhaps it's in their genes); and you stop the chain. Natural un-selection, perhaps.

I dont think, however, it adds anything to the individual to contemplate suicide. You may as well 'nearly' get run over by a bus. Then you can enjoy life thinking 'i could have died'. But cant we all think that, without self-destruction?

23:09 / 20.09.03

"along the street, not across the road"...

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

01:46 / 22.09.03

I think that suicide on a large scale is a genetic way to keep the race from overpopulating, in an odd way. Just like the pervelence of eating disorders and the like, kind of a genetic "panic button" when we get too comfortable.

On an individual basis, I think it represents a person who is having such a massive break with reality that intervention is needed. I have had thoughts along the lines of ending things (pretty much ALL of my 20's), but then when it breaks, I see my thought process at the time as pretty much irrational.

But that's just the view from inside my head.

02:28 / 22.09.03

I think it's good that humans can commit suicide. I wouldn't really want anyone I knew to kill themselves, because I'm selfish and need my people. But I think it's great that humans can say "Fuck you life! I'm not playing anymore!".