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Bush vs Pretzel

10:05 / 14.01.02

Bush chokes on Pretzel and faints.

Apparently the CIA are investigating the pretzel's possible terrorist connections...
Oh c'mon! It's not any sillier than the CIA's plan to take Castro out with an exploding cigar...

[ 14-01-2002: Message edited by: BizCo ]

12:34 / 14.01.02

Why? What do they gain in releasing this information? Why portray Bush this way? Surely they could have come up w/ a better story to explain abrasions on his face? Something more heroic, maybe. And who watches football alone? Unless this was the made-up story...

Our Lady of The Two Towers

15:31 / 14.01.02

Which begs the question, what was he REALLY doing?

16:00 / 14.01.02

They released the information to explain the bruise marks on Bush's face. Ofcourse the story doesn't make much sense. Bush chokes on a pretzel and almost instanteneously he passes out and falls to the floorcausnig bruisemarks on his face. My question is why wasn't anybody around?

And...

If they claim that Bush faints due to a small lowering of heart-rate (it's a small change and not a big change of a heart-rate because how fast can the heart-rate change in a couple of seconds?) then either they're covering something up or Bush has a very serious medical condition (which he probably inherited as the bastard clone of Cheney.)

16:15 / 14.01.02

Speaking of whom, has ANYONE seen Cheney since, I don't know, Christmas? For the last 3 months he has been the invisible man, as opposed to his high profile for the first 9 months of the bush presidency.

Smart money is on serious medical condition.

Either that or he's stuck in lizard form...

16:57 / 14.01.02

Word around the watercooler is that Cheney's been holed up in Houston the past couple of months shredding Enron documents.

17:30 / 14.01.02

Maybe this is the calculated first strike of an Anti-Bavarian PR campaign... 'Look how dangerous their snack foods are!'

Edited because for some fucking reason I thought pretzels were Jewish.

Obviously not.

[ 15-01-2002: Message edited by: BizCo ]

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

17:32 / 14.01.02

I still think he passed out drunk.

It's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

18:00 / 14.01.02

OK, I saw Bush give the same joke about this three times today...and he had a huge bruise on his face...the front of his face.

Now, it's my understanding that when you "pass out" you fall backwards. Is that accurate? And if so, how DID he get that bruise.

18:07 / 14.01.02

Besides that, if you were watching football and eating pretzels, would you be standing? Or is it more likely you'd be sitting?

You can fall forward fainting. I fainted once (really hot day, hadn't eaten since the night before, had gone running and was in a hot church, kneeling )and I fell backward.

Apparently there is some rare condition related to low blood pressure which could cause this reaction, but I still don't buy it.

Nobody explained anything when Clinton had that bulbous red thing on his nose, why do they go out of the way on this one?

18:08 / 14.01.02

quote:Originally posted by Lionheart:
My question is why wasn't anybody around?

If a president falls when no one's there to see it...

My money's he tried chewing & walking at the same time.

[ 14-01-2002: Message edited by: Wheaty-G ]

pointless and uncalled for

18:12 / 14.01.02

Limp wristed little shite. You wouldn't catch the likes of Lincoln or Washington chocking on a pretzel.

I think you'll find the reason for falling forwards while fainting was he was doing for the DP as well as the DT

18:16 / 14.01.02

Fuck me if the press haven't hit a serious low on this one. I mean, A PRETZEL???

*sigh* I'm with Solitaire Rose – I think Bush is back on the booze (that is, if he ever really stopped...)

As for Cheney – With the Enron pressure cooker ready to blow, I doubt we'll be seeing too much of him. A heart attack might actually save him a lot of explaining...

18:49 / 14.01.02

quote:Originally posted by Ierne:
Fuck me if the press haven't hit a serious low on this one. I mean, A PRETZEL???

I know. I wonder if they just decided "pretzel" because it added to some sort of "folksy" image they want Bush to have.

Do you think Cheney may actually now be DEAD?

19:00 / 14.01.02

If Cheney were dead, the panic in DC would be beyond palpable – don't think they'd be able to keep it down for this long. Could be wrong, though...

19:05 / 14.01.02

I choose to believe that Powell coldcocked him

20:02 / 14.01.02

Once again, MJ-12 raises the bar....

20:41 / 14.01.02

either that or the abrasion was caused by an intern slaping his face when he asked her to do a 'monica'

A

23:18 / 14.01.02

I think that Bush has done pretty well by trading off his "goofy" image. It makes him appear to be down-to-earth, harmless and loveable.

So, if the whole pretzel thing was fake (and that's a pretty big if) then perhaps it could have been done to humanise Bush.

He may be an unelected world leader who's been dismantling civil rights and dropping bombs all over the world's poorest country, but this shows that, just like any of us, he could lose his life through something tiny and trivial.

The "watching" football thing also shows that, most powerful man in the world or not, he's still just a normal guy who like what other normal guys like.

But maybe he did actually choke on a pretzel, I don't know.

(Maybe the real Bush choked on a pretzel and this one's a phony, and the bruising is from the face transplant.)

I wonder if Bush had actually choked on a pretzel and died, would we have been told the truth, or told he was assassinated by Arabs, or died heroically somehow. Just a thought.

Molly Shortcake

23:47 / 14.01.02

quote: Smart money is on serious medical condition.

Either that or he's stuck in lizard form...

My moneys on lizard form.

08:21 / 15.01.02

If I worked at The Onion I'd be worried about my job by now...

autopilot disengaged

08:30 / 15.01.02

this just in:

BUSH DECLARES WAR ON PRETZELVANIA
Green Berets, B-52s deployed; told to expect 'long, crunchy, salty campaign.'

this will not stand.

nah - scratch that - my best theory is that his brain was trying to escape - "this bruise... was made - from inside!"

or his speechwriter finally snapped.

pointless and uncalled for

10:38 / 15.01.02

If I worked for The Onion, I would be rejoicing. There is so much to take the piss out of right now, it'd probably cause a heamorrage in the upper management as they rub their hands with glee.

11:13 / 15.01.02

i assumed he was pissed. i nearly got killed by a toffee once, so i know this kind of stuff can happen, but as he's a world leader he's supposed to be smarter than the likes of me.

and it pales in comparison with bush snr's barfing over the japanese prime minister incident, which was captured on camera. margaret thatcher slumped during a speech once. had me ready to fling my hat in the air and rejoice, but it was down to a 'dodgy curry' apparently, and she made a full recovery.

autopilot disengaged

14:46 / 15.01.02

In an embarrassing U-Turn for US Foreign policy, President Bush was forced, earlier today, to call off the carpet bombing of Pretzelvania when it emerged that the location the offending snack was manufactured was more generally known as Pennsylvania - and under further investigation, was revealed to be one of the US' own states.

An abashed-looking Bush emerged from a long meeting with Secretary of State Colin Powell, to announce the news with a very visible bruise on the other, previously undamaged side of his face.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

02:03 / 16.01.02

I believe he likes football...he is a well known baseball nut and bilked the city of Houston into paying for a new stadium.

Unlike his dad, I think his down-home image is true. He strikes me as the rich kid who drank a lot, didn't bother with very much and got a good job because of his dad's friends. As for people saying he's grown in the job...fuck it, he has good script writers and can read. It's his handlers that are doing everything for good or ill.

02:54 / 16.01.02

In college, George W. Bush was on the football team... as a cheerleader.

No joke.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:00 / 16.01.02

I've choked on stuff before, occasionally, and not passed out.
I've drunk booze before, frequently, and HAVE passed out.
Speaking purely empirically, therefore, my guess is the guy was hammered. (And- and this is the only time I will use this phrase for as long as the fucker lives) in his defence (oooh... that felt BAD), lots of people (well, yes, especially alcoholics) get pissed watching TV. There's nothing wrong with that. Making up some dumb excuse, however, is just fucking stupid. (I always thought I'd have respected Clinton more if, when they produced the dress with his semen on, he'd said "oh, yeah, that's actually MY dress". That would have chilled their shit pretty good. Probably wouldn't have done his political career so well, though.)

11:43 / 16.01.02

check out this, is from today's O Globo (brazilian newspaper):