Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Radio & Music >

Love and Musical Taste

23:43 / 03.01.02

Do you and your SO have really different tastes in music? Do you ever wish you could share the feeling you get from certain songs with that SO but they just don't get it?

My chap and I have quite divergent tastes in music. He's American and I'm British so I'm sure that accounts for some of the difference.

I certainly don't think that people in a relationship should necessarily share the same tastes/interests etc., but sometimes, when there's a piece of music that just hits me there and makes me turn to jelly and stuff, I'd really like to share that feeling with my SO. And it leaves him totally cold. Hates - actually hates - some of the stuff I love. (e.g. "Aretha's voice is like nails scraping on a blackboard", "Massive Attack are mindless" etc. etc.)

And I know he feels the same way too, sometimes, playing me stuff that I find dull dull dull MOR AOR american rock radio wallpaper stuff while telling me how meaningful it is to him.

Has anyone else felt this way?

[ 04-01-2002: Message edited by: angharad ]

05:11 / 04.01.02

music is a very personal thing to me. i think i have astoundingly good taste but have not expected partners to feel the same way - the breeders, yes, but embrace, oh dear - though my last g/f's love for old punk records helped us connect on some levels.

yeah, music, like films, are very important to me. would hope to relate with a partner on this in some way, at least.

and it goes without saying that anyone who doesn't adore jeff buckley has no chance with me......

No star here laces

05:11 / 04.01.02

I love it - it's a fun, harmless source of amusing friction and lighthearted bickering.

My partner is into typical trendy cunt pretentious guitar music - moldy peaches, PJ Harvey, strokes etc.

I far prefer my music to be as brainless as possible - I bombard her endlessly with Mobb Deep, MOP, early Nas, EPMD etc. to be told that 'it all sounds the same'.

I basically think that music is the best thing to disagree on - you'll always have some commonality (usually reggae) and a disagreement isn't hurtful. I contrast this with the time that I tried to discuss the Israeli occupation - disagree on stuff like that and you're really in difficulties.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

05:11 / 04.01.02

This is always a tricky one... it should be trivial, but if you realise that they're one of these people who don't actually CARE about music (buy whatever's current, then DON'T EVER LISTEN TO IT AGAIN... don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people liking whatever kind of music they want to, it's just... people who buy stuff 'cos it's familiar, 'cos it reminds them of what's on the radio when they're at work, who don't ever actually LISTEN to it rather than just HEAR it and find it inoffensive... I have nothing against them, either, I just think me/them=problems.) I absolutely ADORE arguing about music with people, therefore some discrepancy in music with your SO should be a GOOD thing. As long as they actually give a shit about what they're arguing about, but aren't too fanatical.
(If this explains anything- I gave up doing SOs compilation tapes a long time ago. You piur your fucking heart out through the medium of a combination of tracks, and then find yourself put on the spot, having to explain "why this one? it's shit".)

10:49 / 04.01.02

one of the best things about the guy Ive been hanging out with is that he loves everything, particularly if it makes him laugh. Im pretty much impressed with anyone who is willing to get dragged to see random local nobodies and who is willing to listen to the types of music theyve never liked or heard before. thats all I need, is the opportunity. agreeing is a whole other matter!

10:55 / 04.01.02

Hah. I always argue with my ladyfriend about music. Which is probably why we only listen to CDs together when we're in the car. She's into bad British 80s music and better British 90s music, with detours into the realms of 70s Elton John (good god no!) and the increasingly Celine Dion-like Peter Gabriel. This love of Peter Gabriel has unfortunately tainted her sanity, as she's now professed a liking for the last two Dave Matthews Band singles, which do sound like Mr. Gabriel at his most adult contemporary. We saw Dave Matthews play two songs at the Philip Glass Tibet House Concert last year, and I have to admit he wasn't all that bad. He did a duet with Emmylou Harris (whose Red Dirt Girl makes me cry for some reason) which also was good.
I'm getting off track here, so let me say that my CD collection mostly consists of early 90s indie rock and attendent "adventurous" musical affectations. So I can't understand why she think Superchunk sounds like Green Day and why she thinks Pavement are appealing only to boys (though she does like the new Stephen Malkmus album)

Where are tastes converge is Brit Pop of the Pulp, Blur, Suede, New Order, Echo and the Bunnymen variety (I realize I'm misusing the term Brit Pop), so consequently we listen to that almost exclusively when we're together, unless I'm feeling mean and want to inflict Dinosaur Jr. or something on her. Oh, and we both like the Strokes

So, we make peace by attending concerts with each other: She has to go to see Pavement with my and I had to go to see the Pet Shop Boys (which I actually enjoyed. it was a spectacular spectacular). But I'll never go see Simple Minds with her. That's way too much to ask.

Matthew Fluxington

14:35 / 04.01.02

I find it weird that anyone would suggest that "Pavement are only appealing to boys" when such a massive chunk of their fanbase are young girls. That just baffles me.

In fact, other bands have made fun of Pavement for being akin to a 'boy band' in the indie rock world.

Pin

09:08 / 05.01.02

The Girl refuses to dance to anything but trance, and only likes that and '80's pop crap, Travis and Toploader.

I hate all of them, and the Stereophonics.

We just don't agree. On anything msuical.

Oddly, though, T.V. comedy isn't contentious, I wonder why that is...

06:08 / 06.01.02

I don't have a significant other, seems like a pain in the ass right now, but I did break up with a girl once shortly after she said that I cared too much about music and that music wasn't all that important. Which is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my entire life.

21:53 / 06.01.02

i should've known it was a bad sign right at the start of our relationship, when i made him a mixtape, and he accused me of "trying too hard", and said that it was full of too much twee kitschery. i don't remember what i put on it, except that julie london and jazzanova were the kitschest things on it -- and they're not kitsch.

i stopped listening to a lot of stuff i liked, because it was easier than arguing, especially when i lived with him. he didn't like dancing, either, so i stopped going to as many clubs. on the other hand, i discovered a lot of really good stuff by going through his music collection instead of my own -- and i got to go back to my own when i moved back to my own record collection.

ultimately, i was the one who gained in that situation. but i really should've read the signs at the start, and not got as serious. i won't make that mistake again.

10:12 / 07.01.02

My Girlfriend is the only person I know that has a CD collection as large as mine and just as eclectic as well.... loads of stuff I've never heard and some stuff that I've been trying to get for ages (She has Flyscreen 'Girls Can't Make Gun Noises' which I haven't seen anywhere).

Although she does like her pop - Five, Zig and Zag, Whigfield... but then I like Marillion and a variety of other prog rock bands - it kind of balances out.

Matthew Fluxington

15:53 / 07.01.02

All of the girls I've ever dated have had really deep interests in music (mostly indie rock, one hardcore britpop fan), and I'm not sure if I could really have any strong interest in someone who didn't have one, and it need not be MY taste, but enough interest to understand by deep burning obsessions with music.

[ 07-01-2002: Message edited by: Flux = A Brain In Psychic Peril ]