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The Jews are stalking me!

 
  

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Ethan Hawke
19:18 / 21.03.02
I'm serious! Sort of!
There's been an inescapable platoon of Hasidic Jews in Camper/RV vehicles following me around the city today, asking me if I'm a Jew (full disclosure: I'm not). These "Mitzvah Tanks," as they proclaim themselves loudly, were stationed outside my office, my eye doctor's appointment, and then I saw not one but two of them on the 5 minute walk from the subway to my house. Yaramulke'd (sp?)little boys yelled out the back window "Are you a Jew?" at me, and Klezmer music was being broadcast from loudspeakers on top of each vehicle. It's the stuff that Pat Buchanan's nightmares are made of.

Anyone have any idea what this is all about? (please, no one send me the protocols of the elders of zion.)
 
 
the Fool
19:23 / 21.03.02
Carry a cheeseburger at all times, that should keep them at bay...
 
 
Shortfatdyke
19:24 / 21.03.02
sounds like a recruitment drive going on! really, can't imagine what was happening there....

i saw a jewish bloke get hit in the face today, by a young black man, who just turned around and giggled before being joined by his two mates. big man, huh?
 
 
Mystery Gypt
19:48 / 21.03.02
yeah that happens a lot, not exactly recruitment, i think they're probably form the lubatavich (sp?) society, an outwardly friendly qabalistic hasidic offshoot quasi-cult. in high school myself and some friends took them up on the offer, it's great - -you go into the van and they give tefilim (sp?) which is ultracool -- you go into their van and it's like having biblical cyborg parts strapped on you and everyone is excited and happy and apparently god is happy and it's all good. then you leave and it's obligation free.

i doubt, todd that they were actually singling you out, they were probably just out in full force today is all.
 
 
Captain Zoom
20:35 / 21.03.02
I have never heard of anything like this in my life. That is quite strange.

Zoom.
 
 
w1rebaby
20:52 / 21.03.02
very strange - but you won't be forgetting today in a hurry, will you? I'd be using that story for years if it happened to me.
 
 
kid coagulant
09:02 / 22.03.02
Happens to me in my neighborhood (park slope) on Jewish holidays, this same guy out on the sidewalk asking people if they're Jewish. I just tell him I can't do anything religious or I'll burst into flames.

And I was down in Union Square today and saw those RV's. Figured it was some sort of goodwill campaign. There was also a protest of sorts there a couple of weeks ago, w/ a bunch of Hasidic Jews chanting 'Arabs out of Israel!'. That's the last thing you want to see walking out of the Virgin Megastore, let me tell you...
 
 
the Fool
09:05 / 22.03.02
quote:Originally posted by Mystery Gypt:
yeah that happens a lot, not exactly recruitment, i think they're probably form the lubatavich (sp?) society, an outwardly friendly qabalistic hasidic offshoot quasi-cult. in high school myself and some friends took them up on the offer, it's great - -you go into the van and they give tefilim (sp?) which is ultracool -- you go into their van and it's like having biblical cyborg parts strapped on you and everyone is excited and happy and apparently god is happy and it's all good. then you leave and it's obligation free.


Sounds like the dudes from Pi who kidnap the mathematician to find out the secret 216 digit number of god!

And what is tefilim? A non stick spray for dogma perhaps?
 
 
Mystery Gypt
09:05 / 22.03.02
no, no they are these crazy little boxes that look like alien technology and they contain miniaturized torahs (bibles) in them and they are on leather straps, and they take the leather straps and wrap them around yr head and your arm, it's totally the cyborg, im telling you.

puts qabala into interesting perspective.
 
 
The Monkey
09:05 / 22.03.02
[convulses on floor imagining the fusion of Arnie as The Terminator with a Lebovitcher rebbi, complete with tefilim/phylacteries at strategic points and glowing red eyes...
Hava Nagillah, baby.]
 
 
cusm
09:05 / 22.03.02
Techno quabalist cyborgs!

Cool!!!

I want a Torah implant

"We are JHVH. You will be assimilated"
 
 
Mourne Kransky
09:05 / 22.03.02
I thought Judaism was almost impossible to join. How could they be recruiting? Maybe you are just a lust icon to repressed Hassidim, Todd. You been wearing phylacteries and ringlets as a fashion thang?
 
 
Bear
09:05 / 22.03.02
Wow this thread is like some kind of bizarre comedy sketch - made me smile anyway
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
09:05 / 22.03.02
I'm not exactly being stalked by them, but I did almost get run over by a Hassidic guy tear-assing around the streets near my home on a ten-speed bike. Just the other day. Coincidence? I think not.
 
 
Ganesh
10:32 / 22.03.02
Are these reptilian or mammalian Jews?
 
 
bitchiekittie
10:35 / 22.03.02
ok, this one gets my vote as "thread so strange you arent sure if everyones joking or not"
 
 
Ethan Hawke
10:54 / 22.03.02
quote:Originally posted by Mystery Gypt:
yeah that happens a lot, not exactly recruitment, i think they're probably form the lubatavich (sp?) society, an outwardly friendly qabalistic hasidic offshoot quasi-cult. in high school myself and some friends took them up on the offer, it's great - -you go into the van and they give tefilim (sp?) which is ultracool -- you go into their van and it's like having biblical cyborg parts strapped on you and everyone is excited and happy and apparently god is happy and it's all good. then you leave and it's obligation free.

i doubt, todd that they were actually singling you out, they were probably just out in full force today is all.


I don't think they were singling me out at all. They were just EVERYWHERE I went yesterday. If it happens again today, then I'll be worried.

Mystery Gypt, would I have to misrepresent myself as a Jew to get aboard the Mitzah Tank? I don't know if I'm comfortable doing that, but it sounds like a good time.

(The Mitzvah tanks have yellow stickers on the back that say "Tefillim on Board" and something else I don't remember)

I'd be interested in hearing what they have to say, unless these are the Meir Kahane people.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
10:58 / 22.03.02
quote:Originally posted by invix:
Happens to me in my neighborhood (park slope) on Jewish holidays, this same guy out on the sidewalk asking people if they're Jewish. I just tell him I can't do anything religious or I'll burst into flames.


Hey, this is where it happened to me (or one of the places, anyway.) I got off the Q at 7th Ave and Flatbush, was cruised by a Mitzvah Tank, and then while walking down 8th Ave to my apartment another Tank passed me and the little boys yelled out the window at me, asking if I was a Jew.

Q: Do they ask females if they are Jewish as well, or is this a male-only thing? All the "recruiters" (I don't think they are actually trying to "recruit" people, for reasons zoCher indicates, but trying to steer strayign Jews back into the fold) are male. My girlfriend is Jewish, but she's never been approached by these people. Either they're only after males, or I'm the messiah.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
11:11 / 22.03.02
The same thing happened to me a few times yesterday when I was out with my friend in the East Village... we didn't run into anyone in Park Slope, but that may just have been luck of the draw.

Didn't think much of it. I wonder what they would have told us if we said "Yes! We're Jewish!" Or if only one of us was...would they take one of us aside and make the other person wait around?

Note to Todd: my friend that I was with is a girl. They asked her too.

[ 22-03-2002: Message edited by: Flux = Not Ready For This Jelly ]
 
 
Mystery Gypt
11:11 / 22.03.02
quote:Originally posted by bitchiekittie:
ok, this one gets my vote as "thread so strange you arent sure if everyones joking or not"


that's what's so great about esoteric judaism!

todd -- you are supposed to say yr jewish, but what makes you uncomfortable? this whole board is about questioning dogma and creating new religio/spiritual synchretism, no? anyway, jesus was jewish, and the whole golden dawn studied hebrew, and for fucks sake ashkenazic jews all mass converted with the khazars in th1 1200s, so none of them are REALLY jewish anyway.

and yeah, i think it is a boy's club. extremely conservative, these folks. but that doesn't mean you're not the messiah.

[ 22-03-2002: Message edited by: Mystery Gypt ]
 
 
grant
14:51 / 22.03.02
These aren't just Hasidim - they're Lubavitchers. The only prosyletizing Jewish sect I know of.

Look for photos of a very old rabbi on the side of vans, RVs or billboards in the area. That's Rabbi Schneerson, who was supposed to be the Moshiach, but died a couple years ago.

They're the ones who maintain a piece of string around Miami Beach at about 10-12 feet up. The string is an imaginary wall, making the city a single house, so they can walk around on the Sabbath without "leaving home."
During Hurricane Andrew, there was a hotline so they would know if the string was up or down. Don't ask me how they dialed a phone on Shabbas - I don't know.

One site: http://www.chabad.org/

Another: http://www.lubavitch.com/

And here's a good overview (non-Lubavitch).

quote:In 1940 the head of the movement Rabbi Joseph Isaac Schneerson moved to America from Russia. From the outset he expressed his determination to make the Lubavitch movement into an American religious movement (e.g., by abandoning the traditional European long frocks in favour of American-style dress).

The aggressive posture was especially encouraged by his successor Rabbi Menahem Mendel Schneerson.Under his leadership the movement established a complex of religious and educational institutions (including publishing houses, billboards, telethons, as well as children's clubs and summer camps) whose principal objective was to reach out to the vast numbers of American Jews who had grown up without any real exposure to "authentic" religious Judaism.

In pursuing its objectives the Lubavitch movement made efficient use of the full range of American advertising and public relations media. Chabad was particularly influential during the 1960's and early 1970's when the youth culture of the day was rebelling against the materialistic institutions of the large religious movements in favour of spiritual alternatives. Through its campus "Chabad Houses," the Lubavitch movement was able to present itself as a credible alternative to Eastern religions, drug culture, radical politics and other foreign paths that were attracting Jewish youth.

along with a letter from a Lubavitch believer:
quote:As to what transpired on Gimmel Tammuz, there is some debate. But note that many sources state clearly that Moshiach can come from among the dead. Of course, in my opinion and in the educated opinion of many Lubavitchers, the Rebbe did not die. In the sefer Arba Meos Shekel Kessef, by R. Chaim Vital, he states that Moshiach will disappear briefly, while he receives the soul of Moshiach, and will then reappear, at which point everyone will flock to him.

Also note that the Rebbe himself said that this generation is different than the previous generation in that there will be no histalkus, and that the Nasi haDor is not subject to geniza. There are many other things the Rebbe stated, telling us that he is Moshiach, and to one who is intellectuallly honest with himself, there is no doubt.

There's plenty more on that site.

It's also worth mentioning that there some big scandals involving Chabad charities down here - mishandling funds in some way.

[ 22-03-2002: Message edited by: grant ]
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
17:38 / 22.03.02
Am I alone in loving Klezmer here? Klezmer fucking rules.
 
 
Margin Walker
17:41 / 22.03.02
quote:Originally posted by grant:

During Hurricane Andrew, there was a hotline so they would know if the string was up or down. Don't ask me how they dialed a phone on Shabbas - I don't know.
[ 22-03-2002: Message edited by: grant ]


LOL!!

"Oy, I was wanting to know if the string was still holding the wall up. If only there was a way to dial the telephone on the Sabbath!!"

<immediatly, with a gust of wind, a mysterious, caped man appears>

"Don't worry!" (picks up telephone and triumphantly raises it towards the sky)

<pregnant pause>

"Shabbas Goy is here!!"
 
 
Ethan Hawke
17:43 / 22.03.02
Dude, I am totally putting Shabbas Goy in my Jenny Everywhere story. Consider him stolen!
 
 
Margin Walker
22:48 / 24.03.02
quote:Originally posted by todd:
Dude, I am totally putting Shabbas Goy in my Jenny Everywhere story. Consider him stolen!


The impetus for "Shabbas Goy" was from an article in the great zine Plotz titled "Elvis was a Shabbos Goy!". Basically, it's about dropping hints the size of boulders in order to get goyim to do the things you can't do because it's the Sabbath. Sample: "I've got this book I've been wanting to read, if only there was more light in this room, what with all of the darkness & lack of light. If only there was a way, my good gentile friend, for this horrible darkness to go away, I'd be ever so grateful...."

The zine has so many other great articles, too. Who can resist titles like "Jews Who Drink!", "15 Greatest Jewish Country-Western Songs", & (my favorite--a spoof on Goofus & Gallant from Highlights) "Goofus & Moishe"

Goofus: "I'm gonna get me a big-ass tattoo!!"

Moishe: "We're Jewish. We don't desecrate our bodies!"
 
 
Naked Flame
00:08 / 25.03.02
You're not alone, stoatie. 'nother hand up for klezmer here =)
 
 
Tucker Tripp
23:49 / 25.03.02
Just thought I could maybe clear this convert issue. As far as I understand the intention is to "convert" non-observant Jews into good halachic law abiding jews. So its conversion, but only of people who are "already" jewish. I think this is the deal. Hence they ask "are you jewish?" This is my understanding. Although I certainly have never witnessed it on the scale you seem to be talking about. It all seems to be about strengthening ranks. I'm sure they think they are doing a mitzvah by showing heathen jews the light.
 
 
Krut
01:27 / 04.04.04
Ive seen the "Mitzvah Tanks" as well. it seems as though most people let their imaginations run wild as soon as they see a Mitzvah Tank or for that matter any religious guy.

I got to knnow the Lubavitch after meeting them on so many occasions. They seem to believe that everyperson must be the best he can be. a christian the- the best cristian and a Jew- the best Jew, therefore they take it upon themselves to go out of their way to help out other Jews.

This is more common during the holiday seasons. I personnaly am not religious but I think the holidays are cool. These guys are always around during the holiday time to help people such as myself celebrate. I did not go to Jewish school and if not for them I'd never know how to celebrate.

I met these guys on thursday as well, they said it was the Rebbe's birthday and this was their gift to the Rebbe to help other Jews celebrate and prepare for passover. They even gave me some matzo for my family. I think it was great.

I really think they are doing a great job. Some people just tend to blame, any thing any religious guy ever did, on them. I think thats wrong. If you go over to them you'll see that they are normal people like you and me and actually very inteligent.

p.s. about the non-Jews, back when I first met them I was with my non-Jewish girl friend and they welcomed her in as well. I remeember that like yesterday they were telling us how we have to make this world a better place by increasing in kindness.
 
 
Seth
11:57 / 04.04.04
I wanna be a Lova-bitch!
 
 
Mystery Gypt
21:53 / 04.04.04
If you go over to them you'll see that they are normal people like you and me and actually very inteligent.

you'll also have a similar experience if you head over to your local scientology outlet.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
23:57 / 04.04.04
OH man, who wrote that abstract?

*kiss* manifique!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
14:59 / 05.04.04
Now, I'm not blaming anyone, but for some reason I'm disturbed by the "Those Crazy Jews!" vibe this thread. I was raised in New York, which makes me almost like a Jew, by an anti-Semite. I have issues.

I thought Judaism was almost impossible to join. How could they be recruiting?

They're looking for lost Jews, not recruiting.
 
 
grant
15:48 / 05.04.04
Are y'all sure they're "Mitzvah Tanks" and not "Mikvah Tanks"? Because in Miami Beach, they'd put the ceremonial baths on wheels... for the women in their monthly time of uncleanness, you know. So they didn't have to go far to get clean.
At least I think that's what the deal was.
 
 
Krut
04:16 / 09.04.04
Do you guys speak this way of cristians everytime you hear some idiot preaching about Jesus in the subway?
 
 
Krut
04:18 / 09.04.04
I've asked my Rabbi about the Mikvah Tanks. He sais hes never heard of it. and there was such a thing it gotto be some hokes because it aint good according to Jewish law.
 
  

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