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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Movies that actors would like you to forget

gentleman loser

00:01 / 29.12.01

Everybody's got to pay their dues and there are a tremendous number of horrible movies that the stars of today would like everyone to forget. I'm talking here about good actors/actresses, not the talentless pretty boy/girl kind (you know who they are).

My nominees?

Harvey Keitel - Saturn 3 (1980)

More wooden performance? Keitel as Captain James or killer robot run berzerk Hector? At least Hector gets to terrorize Farrah Fawcett. (Fun fact: the screenplay for this disaster was written by Martin Amis. The horror! The horror!)

Forrest Whitaker - Battlefield Earth (2000)

WTF? Is he a Scientologist? I mean, how else could he have possibly have agreed to be cast in this, one of the worst movies in decades? To be fair, he was the best thing about this movie, but that's like saying the best thing about a colonoscopy is when they finish up and remove the scope.

Jeremy Irons - Dungeons and Dragons (2000)

Hi Jeremy! Here's a dump truck full of money! Will you please flail around like a zombie and spout gibberish in one of the worst fantasy movies ever? Thanks!

C'mon! Add your own! It's easy and fun!

(I know I'll be able to think of some more later.)

[ 29-12-2001: Message edited by: gentleman loser ]

01:03 / 29.12.01

quote:Originally posted by gentleman loser:
Everybody's got to pay their dues and there are a tremendous number of horrible movies that the stars of today would like everyone to forget.

Y'know, The Onion used to do something like this. Everytime they reviewed a movie, they listed the worst film the actor, director, etc. was involved with inbetween their names (e.g.: Dustin "Ishtar" Hoffman, Dennis "Space Truckers" Hoffman, Bruce "Hudson Hawk" WIllis, etc. etc.). Yer right, it does sound like fun!

01:10 / 29.12.01

And by the way, "Battlefield Earth" wasn't the worst film he was involved in. In my book, the guy's name is Forrest "Hope Floats" Whittaker.

08:00 / 29.12.01

Nigel Hawthorne's stint in Demolition Man. You can see the pain in his face.

In the Telegraph article by Nick Hytner on him, he refers to "some Stallone vehicle". He can't even bring himself to say the name!

Art Malik's turn in True Lies? Hardly Jewel in the Crown, is it?

William H Macy in Jurassic Park III. Again, he clearly needed the money.

12:54 / 29.12.01

I believe Rene Zellweger and Matthew McConnahey would both like us all to forget Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. Though really, I think it was their finest work.

00:13 / 30.12.01

Billy Bob Thornton: Chopper Chicks in ZombieTown...

16:45 / 30.12.01

Chopper Chicks In ZombieTown is fucking cool man, much better than 'Bandits.' If I was an actor I would feel honoured to be in a Troma movie. Saying that though, I don't think Kevin Costner is too proud of his role in the highbrow epic 'Sizzle Beach USA.'

20:48 / 30.12.01

Everyone in Deep Blue Sea, but especially Saffron Burrows and Stellan Skarsgard. And maybe Sam Jackson. At least Saffron got paid a lot.

What was Stellan thinking?

02:20 / 31.12.01

I think Michelle Pfeiffer was ashamed that her first movie was "Grease 2". At least she should be.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

02:20 / 31.12.01

"I need a coo-oo-ool rider,
I need a coo-oo-ool rider,
And if he's cool enough then he can ride it through and through."

Surely her finest moment? I just want to know what "it" is.

12:39 / 31.12.01

quote:Originally posted by Johnny Mother:
Chopper Chicks In ZombieTown is fucking cool man, much better than 'Bandits.'

I agree. It's one of my favorite crap films of all time - everything about it is pure, unadulterated cheese and proud of it. Totally enjoyable.

The same cannot be said for some of this actors later "serious" films.

Troma is fabulous. Just see Teenage Catgirls in Heat or Monster in My Closet...They are so bad bad bad it makes you glad glad glad.

12:41 / 31.12.01

Just about everyone in "Red Planet". That is a "please don't shoot the director" film if I ever saw one. Not one actor had a chance of coming out of that looking even competent.

13:17 / 31.12.01

William Hurt and Andie McDowell in "Michael."
Just to keep up with the John Travolta theme.
Although, I have to give props to the screenwriters - the story ain't all bad, and one of 'em used to work with my dad, so I recognized a lot of the tabloid in-jokes.
Pity the movie came out so awful.

And I've just discovered, thanks to my young lady's fondness for the late night cable, a movie made about the Village People starring Steve Gutenberg, Bruce Jenner and, of all people, Valerie Perrine.

Two key things: 1. the Village People are in costume the whole time. Even the Indian. People on the street just walk on by, as if Greenwich Village is filled with equally lovable eccentrics on every corner.
2. Bruce Jenner runs, twice - once during the "YMCA" scene, and once after Valerie Perrine when he realizes that he really loves her and shouldn't have broken up with her. He plays an uptight lawyer. Perrine is a promoter, and Gutenberg is, you guessed it, a songwriter.

The Leatherman, on the other hand, is a toll collector from the Bronx.

The Damned Yankee

02:50 / 01.01.02

Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, and Jim Carrey in Earth Girls Are Easy. And the white Julie Brown. The pain . . .

Donald Pleasance in The Puma Man, a movie that I would have remained blissfully ignorant of were it not for the dilligent efforts of MST3K.

Everyone from Rocky Horror who participated in Shock Treatment. Bad Trannies. No spankings.

12:57 / 01.01.02

quote:Originally posted by grant:
...
And I've just discovered, thanks to my young lady's fondness for the late night cable, a movie made about the Village People starring Steve Gutenberg, Bruce Jenner ....

Was this pre or post the massive Jenner plastic surgery (I think he has had more than Michael Jackson)? It looks as if they took more nose off than they should have.

quote:...
The Leatherman, on the other hand, is a toll collector from the Bronx.

Well, according to Behind the music that is what he did for a living before the Village people. How original that they incorporated that into the script.

I just saw a really bad movie with Polly Walker and Alan Rickman. It was filmed in Canada somewhere and was a very Deathtrap like story without the humor. Anyone got any ideas of what the hell it was?

It was EXTRA-CHEEZ-Y. And it is driving me nuts trying to figure out the name.

Robot Man Reformed

14:59 / 01.01.02

Marlon Wayans! Went from the utterly brilliant brilliant brilliant Scary Movie franchise to an utterly lame Requiem for a Dream.

19:40 / 01.01.02

Heh, Richard E. "Warlock" Grant. Just saw this on the Sci-Fi channel and you have to applaude the man for trying to be serious.

Classic bits include the 'Remember the blessed hammer!" and where he takes his warlock hurting steeple onto a plane and is asked to put it in the overhead locker.

"Penkife? Nope just this 2 meter long steeple. Fine go ahead sir"

Utter tosh of course :-)

19:52 / 01.01.02

quote:Originally posted by cHrOMeO:
Marlon Wayans! Went from the utterly brilliant brilliant brilliant Scary Movie franchise to an utterly lame Requiem for a Dream.

Obviously

<cough>

19:55 / 01.01.02

quote:Originally posted by RadioEdit:
I just saw a really bad movie with Polly Walker and Alan Rickman. It was filmed in Canada somewhere and was a very Deathtrap like story without the humor. Anyone got any ideas of what the hell it was?Sure it was Polly Walker? The mighty IMDb has no record of any Rickman/Walker joint ventures...

Sounds like it might have been Closet Land, with Rickman and Madeleine Stowe: two-person show about a writer and a government interrogator...
http://us.imdb.com/Details?0101597

11:49 / 02.01.02

Grant, is that ‘Can’t Stop The Music’ ? Mmm, that IS nice.

Tim “Cadillac Man” Robbins
Woody “Scenes from a Mall” Allen
Orson “Transformers the Movie” Welles
Lenny “Electric Dreams” Von “Home Alone 3” Dohlen*
Sam “The Omen 3” Neill

DBC

*All right, this is quibbleable, sure, but I’m including him because I thought he was good as Harold Smith in Twin Peaks.

13:32 / 02.01.02

quote:Originally posted by RadioEdit:

Was this pre or post the massive Jenner plastic surgery (I think he has had more than Michael Jackson)? It looks as if they took more nose off than they should have.

I think so, possibly.

There's a scene with him walking down the street in a half-shirt and daisy-duke-short cutoffs. It's utterly bizarre. Was this fashionable??

quote:
quote:
---------------------------
The Leatherman, on the other hand, is a toll collector from the Bronx.
---------------------------

Well, according to Behind the music that is what he did for a living before the Village people. How original that they incorporated that into the script.

He just wanders into the audition room because he had some legal business elsewhere in the lawyer's (Jenner's) office.
Dialogue:
And what do you for a living?

I'm a toll collector from the Bronx.

Do all their toll collectors dress that way?

Only the hot ones, lady.

Then he climbs onto the piano and sings "Danny Boy". It's sort of beautiful.

[ 03-01-2002: Message edited by: grant ]

18:32 / 02.01.02

Speaking of "some Stallone vehicle", there really was no good reason for Alan Cumming to have anything to do with that Get Carter re-make. Or Michael Caine, for that matter.

Another waste of a free Blockbuster rental...

20:28 / 02.01.02

I saw the trailers for it here, but can barely remember it coming it.

The trailers sucked bumcake.

19:24 / 05.01.02

quote:Originally posted by Jack Fear:
Sure it was Polly Walker? The mighty IMDb has no record of any Rickman/Walker joint ventures...

Sounds like it might have been Closet Land, with Rickman and Madeleine Stowe: two-person show about a writer and a government interrogator...
http://us.imdb.com/Details?0101597

FOUND IT!

Dark Harbor!!!

Awful. What a waste of Rickmanship. They actually misuse the phrase "writing credit". Credit ain't the word.

[ 05-01-2002: Message edited by: RadioEdit ]

19:32 / 05.01.02

[ 05-01-2002: Message edited by: RadioEdit ]

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

20:45 / 05.01.02

Oh I've completely forgotten his name now, relly cool actor, PWEi did a song about him, in Repo Man and Alien, friend of Hunter S Thompson, what the fuck was his name.

Hold on Harry Dean Stanton. Did a voice over in the Care Bear Movie. Never mind would like us to forget, I think he actually did due to drink and drugs.