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do yourself a favor and DON'T see

 
 
Ronald Thomas Clontle
16:52 / 08.09.01
Rock Star. Despite a few humorous moments, I feel dirty for having spent money to have seen this in a theatre, it doesn't matter HOW bored I was last night...
 
 
bio k9
08:45 / 09.09.01
Planet of the Apes. I know its probably already too late but if you haven't seen it you've saved seven bucks (not to mention two hours of your life). I wasn't expecting anything more than a big dumb summer action movie and I was still disapointed...
 
 
Johnny Mother
12:02 / 09.09.01
The Thirteenth Floor.
 
 
YNH
15:00 / 09.09.01
Spawn. I saw it for free with free popcorn and soda and still felt ripped off.
 
 
Cop Killer
04:23 / 10.09.01
Journey's Behind the Music, the music sucks and the groupies are hellaciously ugly...maybe they were beautiful on the inside or whatever, but man, even Def Leppard had good looking groupies...
 
 
Catboy
00:48 / 17.09.01
AI.

Spielberg: I wonder how much I can prolong the ending before people start to leave?
 
 
Saint Keggers
01:21 / 17.09.01
Dr. T and The Women.

I cant say how bad it is. Language is not equiped to communicate its horridness.
(it may even be responsible for disco)
I didnt want to see it.
 
 
Higher than the sun :)
16:30 / 17.09.01
Planet of the Apes again.

Final Fantasy. If there wasn't such a hoo haa about the computer generated characters then it would have gone straight to video.
 
 
MJ-12
16:43 / 17.09.01
quote:Originally posted by kegboy:
Dr. T and The Women.


Now, Mister T and the Women -- that would be cool.
 
 
Tom Coates
20:39 / 17.09.01
A.I. seconded. Pain in the arse movie.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:50 / 17.09.01
Listen to the man. AI is dull. & long.
Odd seeing the untouched Twin Towers though.
Gigolo Joe was good fun, as far as he went.
Could have seen Moulin Rouge instead.
 
 
rizla mission
11:33 / 18.09.01
Planet of the Apes was so bad it makes me want to attend a wake for the art of cinema.

why, Tim, WHY?
 
 
sleazenation
13:10 / 18.09.01
Umm.... aside from Crouching Tiger... and possibly the dish have there been *any* worthwhile films this year?
 
 
Lothar Tuppan
14:30 / 18.09.01
quote:Originally posted by Rizla Year Zero:
Planet of the Apes was so bad it makes me want to attend a wake for the art of cinema.

why, Tim, WHY?


It truly was bad wasn't it. It makes 'Yor: Hunter from the Future' look like an innovative independent hopeful.
 
 
rizla mission
12:53 / 19.09.01
quote:Originally posted by sleazenation:
Umm.... aside from Crouching Tiger... and possibly the dish have there been *any* worthwhile films this year?


Add Requiem for a Dream to the list and ..er.. I think that's about it.

A truly rubbish year for cinema.
 
 
rizla mission
12:54 / 19.09.01
Oh yeah, and State & Main, that was pretty good.
 
 
Jamieon
13:13 / 19.09.01
I enjoyed Ring 1 and 2, but I'm not sure whether or not they were released this year. That 'Legends Of The Black Tiger' film was good and so was 'O Brother Where Art Thou'..... I'm sure more will come to me. I'm looking forward to 'LOTR'....

I don't think you've mulled this one over enough.

And 'Requiem For A Dream'? Well, by the time it got to the intercutting between lobotomy, amputation, police brutality and "double assing", I just turned off (I don't mean the telly). It was childishly voyeuristic and gratuitous - by the end I'd become so aclimatised to the deluge of urgent music, "insanity" and misery that, for all it's 'oh so disturbing' surface gloss, the horror it was intended to invoke began to disintegrate - it became invisible. And I no longer gave a shit.

Utter crap. Not even justifiable as a 'mood'/'atmosphere' flick.

And I wish Connolly would pluck her brows.

[ 19-09-2001: Message edited by: runt ]
 
 
Opalfruit
13:16 / 19.09.01
quote:Originally posted by MJ-12:


Now, Mister T and the Women -- that would be cool.


How about MR T and a lot of stuff?

Mr T Versus What you got sucker!
 
 
The One Eyed King
19:39 / 19.09.01
Originally by MJ-12:
Now, Mister T and the Women -- that would be cool.

heh.

[ 19-09-2001: Message edited by: C.A.S ]
 
 
Ronald Thomas Clontle
20:27 / 19.09.01
quote:Originally posted by runt:



And 'Requiem For A Dream'? Well, by the time it got to the intercutting between lobotomy, amputation, police brutality and "double assing", ]


I've never seen the movie, but I've got to ask... what exactly is 'double assing'?
 
 
DrDee
20:36 / 23.09.01
The others
Pretentious (and sloppy) treatment of an oft-seen (normally better done) script.
 
 
Ganesh
20:46 / 23.09.01
'AI's not that bad, not initially. Problem is, it starts off Kubrick and ends up (the worst of) Spielberg, with at least three schmaltzy 'false endings' before the ludicrously contrived real ending. Has its moments, but generally not worth it. Still better than 'Planet of the Apes' though, I reckon.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
09:37 / 24.09.01
quote:Originally posted by sleazenation:
Umm.... aside from Crouching Tiger... and possibly the dish have there been *any* worthwhile films this year?


Amores Perros.
 
 
Clavis
09:37 / 24.09.01
quote:Originally posted by runt:
Well, by the time it got to the intercutting between lobotomy, amputation, police brutality and "double assing", I just turned off (I don't mean the telly).


Wow. That would explain why I was so creeped out by it. I didn't want to watch the film, so I left my friend watching it about 10 minutes in (so I knew who all the characters were). I came back to see the last 10 minutes, so there was no "by the time". I just got it all without any warning. I still get creeeped out thinking about the old woman who couldn't eat because of all the appetite supressants she'd had.

EEEEEUUUURRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

And Jennifer Connolley is perfect just the way she is. How dare you?

And "double assing" is when two women get on their hands and knees, facing in opposite directions, and have a double-headed dildo inserted in each of their rectums. Then they proceed to do what comes unnaturally. I think the chanting of the clients was "ASS TO ASS! ASS TO ASS!"

But it was really funny when Jay and Silent Bob made a cameo.


Clavis
 
 
The Sinister Haiku Bureau
09:37 / 24.09.01
final fantasy. I only went to see cuz my mate likes his rendering a little too much, and even that was crap...

woulda been fun if it'd been done with sock puppets instead. sock puppets can act way better than those fucking cybermuppets or whatever they're calling them...

or RENDERED sock puppets... now theres an idea waiting to happen....
sorry. 3am. caffiene. SHUT UP HAIKU!!!
 
 
nul
09:37 / 24.09.01
Lothar sez: It makes 'Yor: Hunter from the Future' look like an innovative independent hopeful.

You mean it wasn't?

Aww craps. I bet masterpieces of cinema the likes of The Stuff or the Cars That Eat People aren't liable to be appreciated by the masses either. Alas.
 
 
Jamieon
09:37 / 24.09.01
AI? What Nesh said. The beginning is fab, but, after that, the film becomes stylisticaly, philosophicaly, and thematicaly jarring. It just doesn't know what it is or where it's going....so Spielberg steers it somewhere in the vicinity of schmultzland, and hopes for the best.

But super robots with reassuring, Disney style American accents going on about "Art, Love, the quest for meaning....these are the things that define humanity....." do not sophisticated sci-fi make.
 
 
Johnny Mother
21:07 / 24.09.01
The Stuff truly is one of civilizations greatest cinematic achievements. It is THE best film ever made about a brain-decayingly addictive living killer ice-cream. It just looks so....tasty
 
 
Lothar Tuppan
13:31 / 25.09.01
quote:Originally posted by Brenden Simpson:

You mean it wasn't?

Aww craps. I bet masterpieces of cinema the likes of The Stuff or the Cars That Eat People aren't liable to be appreciated by the masses either. Alas.


I'm still partial to "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" myself.
 
 
rizla mission
14:01 / 25.09.01
Or 'Surf Nazis Must Die'..

How can a film with such a great name be so bad?
 
 
nul
03:51 / 26.09.01
The Stuff truly is one of civilizations greatest cinematic achievements. It is THE best film ever made about a brain-decayingly addictive living killer ice-cream. It just looks so....tasty.

It was more akin to yogurt, methinks. One question, though - Who eats goo they find bubbling up from the earth?

I'm still partial to "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" myself.

If you weren't taken I'd eat your brain and spine myself.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
10:11 / 26.09.01
quote:Originally posted by Teela Tomnoddy:
Spawn. I saw it for free with free popcorn and soda and still felt ripped off.
I'll top you. I saw it for free, with nibbles and a free gig by silverchair. And still, it sucked. Even more, possibly, because of the Daniel Johns influence. Grr. The cape's acting was better than anyone else's, you know.

And yes, The Thirteenth Floor is fucking dire. Avoid it, avoid it, avoid it! I saw it on a plane trip once, and kept falling asleep during it. Whenever I work up, it was still on - seemed like the fucking thing went for five hours - and I grew more offended, each time I woke up and discovered it was still on.

Runt: wanna maybe put in a "spoilers" alert for those who haven't seen Requiem...? Given that you give away the -uh- climax of the thing, that is...

Another thing: Slumber Party Massacre 2: The Driller Killer, Cannibal Hookers and Quigley (or, Quigley Down Under, depending on where you're from) are all pieces of shit. The first two because they're low-budget, and don't ever come good on the promise of their names, and the third because it's Tom Selleck post-Magnum and pre-Friends. Say no more.

Oh, and The End Of The Affair is possibly the longest movie I've ever had the misfortune to sit through. Despite my once-local tube station (Maida Vale) being in it, and occasional glimpses of Ralph Fiennes' arse and bollocks abound to give it some kinda of erotic charge, it's about as satisfying as being hit with a mackerel. No, less so, in fact.
 
 
sleazenation
11:11 / 26.09.01
Definitely do not see anything on the shelves at blockbusters that didn't even get a cinema release.

A 'friend' of mine would keep trying to get me to sit through crap like 'lethal tender' until i was forced to beat him to death with the VCR.
 
 
Verbal Kint
01:18 / 27.09.01
quote:Originally posted by Brenden Simpson:

I'm still partial to "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" myself.



And Billy Bob Thornton is in it. Really.

Consult thou the Bible of Bad Film: The Psychotronic Video Guide.

[ 27-09-2001: Message edited by: Verbal Kint ]
 
  
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