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worst comic ever

12:56 / 16.10.01

yesterday, i picked up a copy of the comic "Primate", the first issue of "Image Presents...".

I picked it up because i've got a thing for apes in comics.

i can not remember ever reading a worse comic. it was just plain awful from start to finish. the art was atrocious, not to mention demeaning to women. there was no story to speak of- it was just an ape that had become super-intelligent through some ludicrous means stabbing people with a "cool" looking knife for 20-odd pages. it embodied every negative stereotype about comics that has ever been invented. i shudder to think that this could have been the first comic that someone ever read.

i really can't begin to describe how bad this comic was. and it cost me 7 bucks Australian. good lord.

so- 1) please do NOT buy a copy of this comic, and 2) what is the worst comic that you've ever read?

moriarty

13:12 / 16.10.01

While it will take me some time to decide on the worst comic I have ever read, let me go on record in saying that I commend you for your admiration of the Monkey in Comics sub-genre. Though many miles may separate us, know that I now consider myself your brother in apeness.

sleazenation

13:48 / 16.10.01

A toss up between US Warmachine 1-3 (that i was given for review purposes) and youngblood 1 (which i still maintain has more than a little in common with authority 13...)

BobGod

23:27 / 16.10.01

Everything that came out frome Tekno Comix.
Neil Gaiman's This, Leonard Niemoy's That, a blatantly obvious marketing scheme, which I unfortunately completely fell for.
Awfull stuff all of it.

Chubby P

08:10 / 17.10.01

Nick Fury Vs Shield! Its a wannabe radio play written by Bob Harras! "Aaarg my arms are burning!" Yes, Bob, the artist has done a very good job of drawing this. Do we need the character to tell us what is happening? On and on it goes. Every picture has a character describing what is going on. "I'll absail down this hole." Aaarrg! "Well done Fury you shot those three guards!" aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhh!!!! "My God, He's been buried alive" Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggghhhh!

ChubbyP takes deep breaths, downs a beer and calmly leaves the building.

Disclaimer: All quotes are made up since I don't have the comic handy and are used for example purposes only.

[ 17-10-2001: Message edited by: Chubby P ]

Our Lady of The Two Towers

08:53 / 17.10.01

Well, I could nominate Marvels entire output for several years starting in 94, but I'll specifically nominate FF 400 (I think, it was a big number like that) by Tom DeFalco for the line, delivered on seeing the FF fly away from their base, "Gosh! It's the Fantastic Four! They make me proud to be American!"
Why Tom didn't just stop the story for the FF to salute the flag I don't know. Mind you, his Thor storyline (with Loki striking a deal with Mephisto to steal Odin's soul while Thor was banished only to be double-crossed) was admirably silly.

Chuckling Duck

17:54 / 17.10.01

My Fighting Technique is Unstoppable, made by a bad cartoonist pretending to be a good cartoonist pretending to be a bad cartoonist.

Johnny Mother

11:58 / 19.10.01

The Gear Station is the not only the shittiest comic book I have ever had the misfortune to read, it is also a shit Star Wars rip-off.

Hooray!!

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

17:37 / 19.10.01

i think it was called NiteHawk or something.
back before Amalgam (shudder) marvel had this char thats concept was he had a helmet that looked like a Cylon, little cape wing things like the Silverhawks cartoon, and a little 3 claw wolverine prostetic.

Best line: "the fire! I can feel the heat on my back!"

Warewullf

09:50 / 20.10.01

The L.A.W #1

Worst. comic. Ever.
3 times I tried to read this. THREE FUCKING TIMES!!

Utter, utter shite.

The Damned Yankee

09:50 / 20.10.01

I came in second place in a writing contest (50 words or less about what you'd do with super powers) from Wizard to promote the first issue of the most recent (and hopefully last) Nova ongoing series. Among my prizes were a New Warriors TPB (the pain, the pain . . .), and a signed first issue of Nova.

I'm opposed to censorship, but right now I say that the phrase "blue blazes" be struck from the minds of all who write comics. It never works.

Wizard musta felt bad about sticking me with the comic, too. A few months later (after Nova did its crash-and-burn) they sent me an issue of the Ennis/Dillon Punisher mini-series with a variant cover.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

12:39 / 20.10.01

Man, i like New Warriors
Speedball--the human ricochet
the other less memorable members......

Ok, i digress

Our Lady of The Two Towers

15:38 / 22.10.01

The 'arc' of the first 25 issues was okay, it really needed to be cancelled at that point because from then on it just got really REALLY bad.

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

19:28 / 28.10.01

OK...there are FAR worse comics out there hiding in back issue bins...

Reagan's Raiders - by Rich Buckler and his son...genetically enhanced clones of the White House staff at the time fighting Central American commies.

Those Crazy Peckers - You got it. Super-powered chickens.

Samurai Santa - Another one by Rich Buckler, which actually has Proto Jim Lee art, and was actually "published" in photocopy form about 5 years ago and advertised with "Early Jim Lee art".

Ellis

19:37 / 28.10.01

Rob Liefields "Captain America"- its like the Dark KNight Returns, only shit!

the Fool

20:30 / 28.10.01

Alpha Flight - just after/during the dreamqueen saga. It went from art by Jim Lee to utter crap in the space of two issues.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

17:51 / 29.10.01

The Bushido Blad of Zatochi Walrus
Mean Green Dirty Gene Kung Fu Kanga Roos
anything else to come out of the post ninja turtles era

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

00:21 / 30.10.01

quote:Originally posted by Elijah Non Grata:
The Bushido Blad of Zatochi Walrus

*shudders* I had almost forgotten that one. Thanks for ruining years of therapy.

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