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Why does Jesus taunt children with basketballs?

  
 
Matthew Fluxington
11:50 / 13.03.02
Look at this and this.

They are "Inspirational Sports Statues".

[ 13-03-2002: Message edited by: Flux = Avoiding The Conceptual Life ]
 
 
Fengs for the Memory
11:59 / 13.03.02
Thats not Jesus thats Denis Mortimer. For those not familiar - Aston Villa captain when they won the League & European Cup in 81. Our Lord as he is known around our house. For xmas a had a rather lovely t-shirt bearing his likeness. My Better half thiught it was The Yorkshire Ripper what can you do!!
 
 
higuita
12:06 / 13.03.02
Fuck me! He's right you know!

Can you get them supplied with the robes painted claret & blue?

'Our Father, Dennis be thy name,
thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
in Aston as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, a league win, a european cup and a pie at half time...'

Remember that time we played Wolves and he scored from just inside the area? Gray picked him out just outside, he caught the ball on his chest, turned with the ball at his feet and beat off two defenders before smashing it into the top corner?

Now that's a miracle. Never mind water into wine.

...who's Jesus?

[ 13-03-2002: Message edited by: mr y ]
 
 
Fengs for the Memory
12:27 / 13.03.02
That little blonde kid looks strangely like Gary Shaw. Oh no.
Sorry.
 
 
higuita
12:33 / 13.03.02
Is this what they mean when they say that a faith in God is about seeing him (sorry) in the everyday?

Or does he just really look like Dennis Mortimer?

Hang on, I'm going to see if that kid really does look like Gary Shaw.

Edited to include....

Yes! Dear God! And the fat one in the red and white with the stupid blond barnet looks like Jan Molby!

[ 13-03-2002: Message edited by: mr y ]
 
 
Naked Flame
12:38 / 13.03.02
...and the soccer one at the bottom, Oi, Ref!! you blind or what?
 
 
gridley
13:03 / 13.03.02
strangely, in my quest to deconstruct as many film representations of jesus as possible, I actually say a film biography where Jesus did in fact play basketball.

It was still a "historical" film, but in it, the jews played a game that looked very much like basketball. Jesus had a hell of a hook shot. I think they were making en effort to reach out to teens.

The best thing about that film was that they played Jesus as a kind of Lenny Bruce character. Every time he was talking to the authorities and he slammed the Sanhedrin, the apostles would all laugh and high five like they were the Fat Albert gang ("Hee hee! Hoo hoo! You go Jesus!").

It was most fine.
 
 
higuita
13:07 / 13.03.02
And possibly accurate, if you watch some of Dennis Mortimer's goal celebrations. There's a great deal of backslapping and hoo-ha from the rest of the team - although not high-fives, because it was England and the eighties.

I'm still left bereft on this Jesus person though.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
13:11 / 13.03.02
The Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host... sorry, couldn't resist it.
 
 
Sleeperservice
16:11 / 13.03.02
If you scroll down the page on the 2nd link... I wonder if the gender preferences of those bears are checked before they're sent out?

[ 13-03-2002: Message edited by: Sleeperservice ]
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
16:55 / 13.03.02
I wonder what the slogan for those statues should be?

"Not only is He the Redeemer, but he'll kick your ass in any sport you like. So give up now, junior.", perhaps?
 
 
Rev. Jesse
17:11 / 13.03.02
i love how the girl (?) in the football/girdiron picture is sacking Jesus.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
17:16 / 13.03.02
Yes! Conan O'Brien mentioned that when he was showing the statues on his show last night --- the best part of that one is if you look it from the opposite angle, the kid sacking Jesus has this intense wide-eyed stare - it's crazy.

Why are all the kids red-heads?

Oh god, I really wish they had a picture of martial arts Jesus online...

I want the basketball and football statues, badly...
 
 
Rev. Jesse
17:23 / 13.03.02
"Gretzky dogdes Michael, skates around Azrael, Lucifer tries to check and- OH! smashes right into teammate Lightburne. The Great One is all alone, just him and the goalie, Wayne shoots! It doesn't go in! JESUS SAVES!"
 
 
Rev. Jesse
17:25 / 13.03.02
But seriously, where is Pro-Wrestling Jesus? Foxy Boxing Jesus? Speed Chess Jesus? Skeleton Jesus?

But most of all:

Where is CURLING JESUS?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
17:36 / 13.03.02
I want Skeleton Jesus. I want the Son of God sliding downhill on a tin tray.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
17:39 / 13.03.02
quote:Originally posted by Mordant C@rnival:
I want Skeleton Jesus. I want the Son of God sliding downhill on a tin tray.

but with two small children, right?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:52 / 13.03.02
They'd just have to wait their turn. You die for the sins of all mankind, you get first go on the tin tray. Them's the rules.
 
 
gridley
19:00 / 13.03.02
it's almost like smurfs, isn't it?

hockey jesus
football jesus
sledding jesus

what next?
brainy jesus?
handy jesus?
grumpy jesus?

jesusette?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
19:44 / 13.03.02
Bit like Competitive Dad on the Fast Show. Where's the challenge racing little kids when you're divine? And he's clearly abusing his height advantage in the basketball one. Remember: The First Shall Be Last And The Last Shall Be First, Lynfordesque Christ.
 
 
Rev. Jesse
20:15 / 13.03.02
We must become like little children, ZoCher, we must become like little children, splattered on the sidewalk, to enter the kingdom of god
 
 
Mourne Kransky
09:32 / 14.03.02
On the other hand, I've never seen the major figures of the other "Great Religions" sculpted in flagrante sportivo. Probably a blasphemy to even imagine it.

Some Thai Buddhists did build a shrine to David Beckham though.
Good old Buddhists.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
09:47 / 14.03.02
quote:Originally posted by ZoCher:
he's clearly abusing his height advantage in the basketball one.

No, he's just helping the kids to slam-dunk the ball over the heads of adult basketball players. The reason you can't see the other players is that the kids are really focused.

What none of them know is that I bet on the game. Bwahahahaha.
 
 
Ofermod
09:47 / 14.03.02
quote: "Gretzky dogdes Michael, skates around Azrael, Lucifer tries to check and- OH! smashes right into teammate Lightburne. The Great One is all alone, just him and the goalie, Wayne shoots! It doesn't go in! JESUS SAVES!"

Heh, reminds me of my favorite bathroom graffiti ever. In big letters "Jesus Saves" and in smaller letters below, in a different handwriting, "And Gretzky slaps in the rebound!"

And where is the hackeysack Jesus?
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
09:47 / 14.03.02
"...and next up on Extreme Sports: Jesus, sponsored by Pepsi-Max."...
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
09:47 / 14.03.02
What's next?

This. This is next.
 
 
Fist Fun
09:47 / 14.03.02
Lest we forget.

  
 
Fengs for the Memory
12:14 / 15.03.02
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Holy Crap.
 
 
The Puck
12:31 / 15.03.02
Just making a blues presance felt in all this claret and blue propaganda
 
  
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