I hereby claim this thread in the name of Flunitrazepam.
First item on the agenda: This is not a blog. Blogs are one-sided, dull, pedantic and ultimately pointless; this thread is only dull, pedantic and ultimately pointless, but it need not be one-sided. You have my permission to contribute, if you felt the need to seek my blessing in the first place.
Second item: Anyone who uses the word "f*ct**ns**t" on this thread will have their name written on The Board until they behave. The Board will be at the end of this post and will be edited as necessary. When exactly did we become too sophisticated to use the word "personality," may I ask? Should we pay homage to Warren Ellis by working the phrase "mystery archaeologists" into every possible conversation? Let's take the pretension level down a notch while we still can, people.
Third item: There is no third item. Put that in your paradox modulation pipe and smoke it. (Doom Patrol references, unlike rip-offs of The Invisibles, will not be regulated.)
Fourth item: It is imperative that we admire and learn from successful literary figures. It even more important that we learn to do more than mimic them, flooding the market of the mind with cheap copies of copies of copies. What is a genre? A genre is a literary subset governed by laws, or topoi, that delineate how to imitate those who have gone before. What do we need to do? We need to decide if those conventions are roomy enough to work within, or too stifling, and thereby in need of retiring. Don't break boundaries for the sake of being new or rebellious; iconoclastic behavior leads to fruitless nihilism. Only tear down when you need to rebuild.
Fifth item: Why did the superheroic novel never catch on? If something as visually oriented as pornography can flourish as the printed word, why does it fail when attempting to narrate the exploits of a steely eyed man from an alternate dimension, clad in a cape and skintight pants? Did this proto-genre fail to coalesce because of the assumptions of the creators or their audience?
Sixth item: When writing for comics, I propose the following guidelines for naming characters without resorting to the clichés of years past. Reject any suggestion that requires the use of a definite article: The Hulk, The Human Torch, The Thing. Rethink the name that ends in a description of a human being of either gender: Batman, Wonder Woman, Spider-Man, Invisible Woman, Ferro Lad, Saturn Girl. Laugh off anything that begins with a title: Mister Fantastic, Captain America, Doctor Doom. Finally, do not accept any nom de plume that contains a color-based adjective: Red Skull, Green Lantern, Dark Phoenix.
Seventh item: All universes save one are back-up copies, each with its own unique set of small transcription errors. Inspectors are examining the universes for the one that remains closest to the ideal, which will be given colonization preference in the case of reality crash; such a new world will have its standard of living raised to that of near-perfection. Espionage agents from the other copies are sabotaging our world in the hopes of improving the odds for their own. How many versions of your friends are you willing to kill? Would you wear a necklace of human tongues, each taken from one of your alternate selves? Division, Diffusion, Spectrum, Prismatic, Schismatic, Bifrost, Rainbow...are you more moral than they were, or just too lazy to get off your ass and take the offensive to another timeline?
Eighth item: Since I've focused on comics in this initial post, that's the forum where I'll stick the thread for now. I make no guarantees that I will refrain from discussing anything besides comics.
Oh, yes. And here's The Board:
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