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Growing up with three siblings, one being a brother that I shared a room with, I picked up a few methods of dealing with conflicts. Fisticuffs were not permitted in our house, which didn't matter really since no one in our family had ever been especially fond of either punching or being punched. My brother and I would occasionally exchange blows but there was an unspoken rule of never aiming for the face (no doubt stemming from our vanity); our fights would usually end in a scissor-lock or some other obscure hold. This disinclination toward physical violence led me (most likely my siblings as well, although I can't say I've ever seen evidence of it) to develop a method of non-physical abuse in order to exact my revenge when I felt slighted.
To be blunt, I learned how, through words or actions, to make someone feel hurt, stupid, ashamed, small, or any other number of horrible feelings. Hurtful words spoken not-quite-out-of-earshot, appropriately timed cold looks, half-truths told to authority figures or to other important people so that the transgressors would be made to do my will, these were the sort of things I would do instead of smacking someone in the mouth.
There's no pride here, only shame. Lots and lots of shame. When I look back at the times I've used this skill on people that I'm close to, I wonder how anyone could ever stand to be in the same room as me. It's not that I'm truly talented at doing these things, only that I feel that I have a great deal more training than most at being awful to people in ways that don't leave physical evidence.
As I can't see this ability ever being useful to anyone, I would rather be without it so that I'll never be tempted to use it in anger. In addition, I also wish that I had never picked up the ability to sound like I know what I'm talking about when I'm actually fairly clueless, as that only gets me into trouble. You may call these character flaws, and certainly any compulsion to use them would fit that category, but since they are actions that I can perform with unusual competency I suppose that makes them skills or something along those lines. |
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