So I'm here looking for rumination on relocation. I'm stuck somewhere between "Wherever you go, there you are" and "Sometimes a change of scenery changes everything."
Is it irrational to dislike where you live? Is it a sign of personal failure that I’m not able to be perfectly content where I am? If I’m dissatisfied, am I not trying hard enough to appreciate what is? If my reasons for dissatisfaction are intangible, can I really justify turning my life upside down by pulling up roots?
Outside of the practical reasons why people move far away (like for a new job or to be closed to a loved one), how about the psychological reasons? How about just the desire to move far away from everything you’ve ever known and start over?
And does it work? Has anyone had the experience of moving somewhere new, intending to change some part of their life or it’s entirety with a “blank slate”?
As for me, I moved to a mid-sized Midwestern city 7 years ago to do undergrad then do a masters program. First time I checked out the city, before I moved here, I was just turned off... it’s hard to quantify, but undeniable and persistent, and it’s stuck with me. It just didn’t “feel” good to me. I made good on my education goals and turned that into a decent job that has provided well over the past 5 years, but I’m clearly at a point where it’s time to move on.
My rational mind is saying “this is as good as it gets, so you’d better just learn to like that and make the best of it.” My emotional mind is saying “you’ve played it safe for far too long and it’s killing you. If you don’t ‘follow your bliss’ somehow, you’ll lose touch with it completely.”
I want to see the world, am envious of people that have traveled widely, and want that courage and those experiences for myself. I’ve lived within a 3 hour drive of my place of birth for 30 years now and feel like I literally can’t get to anywhere I haven’t been hundreds of times.
The part I’m a bit ashamed to admit, and that I don’t really want to take responsibility for, and part reason for my hesitation. During the time that I was here, I struggled mightily with my own social anxiety and depression. Working at the same college I went to school at, I feel like I see reminders of my own social failures around every corner. The professor I disappointed. The co-worker I just couldn’t get along with. People who witnessed some of my social faux pas. I just want to move on, emotionally and geographically.
Interesting too to reflect on what I’ve written. It reflects the strong need I have for others to validate my thought process so I can justify what I’m telling myself…and further, a fundamental distrust of my own needs and ability to make important decisions.
So, am I crazy? Any commentary on your experience with moving as a life-change agent? |
