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The Apprentice Season 4

 
  

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Whisky Priestess
11:53 / 19.03.08
Well, someone had to start it.

The new series begins NEXT WEEK (Watch it on BBC1, Wednesdays at 9pm from 26 March) and, seeing as Big Brother is now, tragically, a busted flush, I am already palpitating with excitement at the prospect of watching Alan Sugar make delusional middle-managers cry.

Here are the candidates (swollen to a bloated 16 - never mind, Alan will soon winnow the weak from the chaff! - crap pun intended). Who will be this year's staring-eyed mentalist, back-stabbing viper and/or fast-talking borderline criminal? You decide!

1. ALEX



Like you've just stepped out of a TROPICAL STORM of indie bands!

2. IAN



"Tonight, Alan, I'm going to be Robbie Williams with a duck on his head!"
(Seriously, what is going on with the hair this year?)

3. KEVIN



The original Small-Faced Boy off This Morning with Richard not Judy. Face expanded slightly and he was forced to retrain as a ... bank manager? Kevin's a bank manager? Shit.

4. LEE



The fabled sixth member of Take That! (Lee played the bongoes)

5. MICHAEL



Michael is not giving ANYTHING away. Anything. Like SirAlan. But I'm sure he's full of surprises. Or bullshit, more like.

6. NICHOLAS



You just know he's a direct descendant of Charles I, don't you? OMG ARG THE HAIR THOUGH MOTHER, THE HAIR!

7. RAEF



Zooming ahead in this year's "dead-eyed killer" stakes.

8. SIMON


... but Simon's coming up hard behind him!
Words fail me at the sight of the hair, again. Is this series sponsored by Toni & Guy or something?

9. CLAIRE



Apparently she's really high powered, so why does she look like a schoolgirl on her first job at the Debenhams cosmetics counter?
 
 
Whisky Priestess
12:05 / 19.03.08
More candidates!

10. HELEN



AAAGH! Those eyes. Helen scares me. She also looks like some sort of cartoon character I can't quite put my finger on.

11. JENNY



I hope you've done your homework. Because if you haven't Jenny will punish you in the stables.

12. JENNIFER



Looks very unnervingly like a robot sex doll. A mid-range one. Probably from M&S.

13. LINDI



I wonder if there could be too much of such very good things as silver lipgloss, silver eye-makeup and silvery silvery satin shirts? Surely not, Lindi, surely not ...

14. LUCINDA, "31"



Do we think that Lucinda might just possibly be lying about her age, a la Katie of 2007? She does look comfortingly like a mumsy BBC newsreader though, so I predict a strong showing in the opening straights.

15. SARA



The tiniest, wee-est Barbie nose in the world cannot make up for those eyes of a killer Sara's sporting! Fiery rather than dead this time though, so a slight improvement over Raef and Simon.

16. SHAZIA



Shazia looks plausible. Too plausible. Like an ordinary person, one you might meet on the street, one who knows that "150%" is a technically meaningless term. Just ... normal. So what, I wonder, is she doing on The Apprentice?
 
 
Spaniel
12:38 / 19.03.08
Preparing to do some horrifically cringeworthy things
 
 
Not in the Face
12:41 / 19.03.08
I'm very excited. I just hope that they've chosen those who are clinging to the illusion that becoming SirAlans apprentice would lead to actual position of power and not those who see it as an opportunity to build up a public profile for the media.

Don't know about Shazia being too plausible - after all she has won out over at least hundreds of others in a competition to find 16 people who'll aggravate each other so there must be something wrong. Mind you all the male candidates look like they stand in front of the mirror each morning slapping themselves in the face and shouting 'WINNER' to get that 1,000 yard stare.

I predict SirAlan's first comment for Alex will be about his choice of hair stylist leaving Alex to decide whether to gain SirAlan's admiration by defying him, never really a workable idea but one that still seems to have currency despite all the evidence that he basically does like followers, or doing what he suggests thereby possibly earning SirAlan's wrath for not having a backbone.

Also probably some tenuous link to the Olympics done as some backroom deal exchanging publicity for an opportunity for SirAlan to expand his property empire
 
 
ghadis
13:08 / 19.03.08
What the hell is going on with all them faces!!!

It may just be me and the hangover i'm nursing today but they all look like they've been subtly photoshopped by someone. They are seriously freaking me out!

But, erm, yea...looking forward to the new show. Enjoyed the celebrity stopgap of the last week or so but it's no match for the real thing.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
10:18 / 20.03.08
Helen particularly creeps me out. Her face is starting to look to me as if it's been badly put back together after a near-fatal car accident.

But to feed our Sugar cravings, here is an article in the Telegraph!

(Englarge the photo in the link to read each candidate's WINNER!11!-ish witterings ...)
 
 
Alex's Grandma
01:31 / 21.03.08
Michael or Lucinda, I think.

Sugar's a monster, but either would be the right move, what with all the f***ing 'PC' bollocks he has to deal with while he's trying to run a bloody business.

Although I wouldn't put it past either Jenny or Lee to give Sir Alan a bit of a nod and a wink about a glove in his garden shed, thus surprising everyone.
 
 
Anna de Logardiere
09:12 / 21.03.08
Jenny is already my favourite to win.
 
 
bjrn
21:23 / 23.03.08
Hooray!

I looked at the BBC Apprentice site a while back, and they'd removed all the videos, and after that I forgot all about it. But it's back, hooray. And the Wandsworth Bridge video is back too! Nicholas...? There are also some videos on the new series for anyone interested. Watch the "Meet the girls/boys" videos, they're even scarier than the head shots, and there are some great quotes in there. Like Lindi mentioning that she knows Siralan is looking for someone to take over his business and that she has the qualities he wants. Or one of the boys saying "don't judge a book by its cover... but if you pick a book up ten times and it still looks the same cover... then that's the cover... you know... pffffprbt".

That Lucinda might be a cousin of Katie, she both looks and talks (a bit) like her.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
09:37 / 27.03.08
So who saw it last night, in all its costermongering magnificence?

I have to say I didn't think that they were trying nearly hard enough to make the girls look bad, so you could kind of tell from the outset which group had won the task. Especially with good old Alex just refusing to let it lie when Nicholas mis-labelled the fish - Alex has clearly watched every episode of every series and knows the way the cookie crumbles. Poor old Prince Nick was for the chop from about halfway through, I reckon.

I also loved Nick getting himself into yet further trouble in the boardroom by implying Alex was less educated because he had a northern accent. Fan those flames of resentment, Nick! I don't know why he didn't just state what was happening outright: that the "rift" was forming between those with posh accents (Nick, Raef, er ...) and those without.

It all went spectacularly pear-shaped when they started trying to sell fish in a solicitors' office, though. Oh dear oh dear.
 
 
Not in the Face
11:21 / 27.03.08
I thought it was great - the mix of head shots boasting about their million pounds budgets and entrepreneurial skills with them running around like headless chickens and then Nicholas' great uneducated comment as if he hadn't watched any of the previous series (Perhaps he hadn't. Arrogance seems in plentiful supply) and thought that might go down well with SirAlan. Even Raef started to back away from him at that point. A shame really - he was obviously a total fish out of water with lots of entertainment potential who would clearly dash any potential of audience pity at his outsider status with even more arrogance (his closing statement on dismissing the case against him was classic). I'm hoping Raef survives longer but in his protestations there did seem to be a bit of Walter Mitty.

Although oddly Nicholas and Raef were right about the division but it seemed less about class and more about use of hair product and styling - Alex, Ian and Kevin and Simon vs Raef, Nicholas and Michael with Lee floating in the middle.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
11:29 / 27.03.08
Alex (no relation) already seems like a bit of streetfighter, doesn't he? An early trip back up North avoided at the the last minute by an Olympic-level display of ass-covering. He probably deserves the job with Siralan, but watching him get fired is going to be sweet, all the same.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
12:03 / 27.03.08
And it was a shame to see Nicholas go, if for no other reason than we'll now be denied the opportunity to see him him experimenting with wearing that soul patch on his top lip. It's the last taboo of edgy facial grooming, after all,
 
 
Whisky Priestess
14:59 / 27.03.08
The only place anyone should wear that hairy postage stamp is on the bathroom floor.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
15:00 / 27.03.08
It looks like a teeny-tiny merkin, doesn't it?
 
 
bjrn
10:23 / 28.03.08
Huh. I was expecting Alex to get fired when they went into the boardroom. But Nicholas was spectacularly bad in there. Talking about a rift between more and less educated people won't go over will with the Sugar, and he didn't defend himself at all over the pricing mistakes.

Maybe I missed something, because to me it looked like Nicholas was supposed to figure out how much markup they'd do on top of the wholesale prices. Then Alex told him to price the lobster at 4.90, which he did. And that was about it. How hard would it be to pin that on Alex? And then he (Nicholas) could have mentioned that it was the lack of leadership that caused them to start selling to late and get a crap location in the market, and he'd be off the hook.


I really think Alex should have been fired, he did a crummy job, but mostly I think Nicholas would have been a source of many amusing quotes and situations further on in the series. Oh well.


The Hair
What is with the hair? I thought much of the hair in the head shots was specially "styled" for the shots, but they have it like that all the time. I mean... Ian's hair, where did that come from? It just looks creepy. And Raef's hair looks like a wig, or a beret made of hair. Really amusing though.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
08:31 / 03.04.08
So, once again a solid piece of last minute, boardroom ass-covering saves the day for the PM.

I suppose it's fair enough in a way; anyone with much of a future at one of Siralan's companies is going to have to be at least okay at putting a spin on business-related f*uck-ups. On the other hand, it was hard not to rail against the injustice of it all. Not least for Jenny, weirdly enough. Okay, for giving good telly she gets to stay on the show for a few more weeks, but equally, she already seems well on her way to turning herself into a minor national hate/joke figure in the process, without, I suspect, necessarily having the hide of steel required to get her through her month or so in The Sun, or wherever.

Still, good things included Alex's Superman pyjamas, Siralan's computerised, demonic face when he was ranting on about past laundry disappointments, and the twenty four hour 'pants' hotline.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
09:14 / 03.04.08
Not to mention the 2400% mark-up on the hotel laundry by the girls' team, followed by the massive over-compension as they undercut the boys by fifty quid on a heap of laundry that should cost £60 ...

... they really stuffed up proper on this one. Oh, and the barefaced begging for tips! Argh!

Jenny with her annoying voice and bullying managerial style is reminding me more and more horribly of Janet Street-Porter every time I see her.
 
 
Not in the Face
11:24 / 03.04.08
Jenny was quite atrocious but wasn't properly picked up on the fact that she let the only person who knew whose washing was who go home for the night. What always amazes me is how the bullies must think they are coming off as strong and commanding when in fact they look horrible and ineffective particularly stuffed in a saloon car with three others and a camera crew at 10pm.

If shes like that in her daily life one can only think the company intranet at Jenny's old place of work is full of the sounds of LOL's
 
 
Alex's Grandma
12:21 / 03.04.08
Yeah, if she tries to suggest she was 'just playing the game' after that performance, I imagine she'll be canned off-stage on 'You're Fired'.

Interesting that Lindi in particular, but some of the others too, seemed to be encouraging Jenny, though. Do they genuinely see her as a strong contender, or do they have a gameplan?
 
 
Not in the Face
23:07 / 10.04.08
Oh dear, another disaster. The editors must have had to work really hard to generate some footage that indicated that there was any sort of competition between the teams. As soon as the male team went to Tescos you knew it was over.

Ian's leaving speech, although not as amusing as Nicholas, together with other sayings he used hints at too much time reading management guru textbooks.

Kudos to Kevin. Any show down between him and Alex in the boardroom is likely to be this season's masterclass in arse covering
 
 
Alex's Grandma
01:09 / 11.04.08
That was an interesting play by Kevin, I thought, the way he behaved when he arrived back in the house, post boardroom. 'Boo-yakka' and so on. 'I ground Ian into the dirt' or whatever it was.

How are the other (I was going to say 'candidates', but increasingly 'housemates' feels more like it) supposed to react to that? A)that Kevin's a hardcore operator who's not to be tangled with in front of Alan, or b)that he's an untrustworthy loose cannon who's best put as far away from the project manager as possible in future tasks, ideally somewhere he can be hung out to dry?

Fair enough, they're all in it to win it, but a certain amount of team spirit's required, at least in the early stages.

I did feel for Ian though, on 'You're Fired'. He'd already had the good grace to apologise to his team for clowning up in the show proper (it doesn't happen that often) and he seemed prepared to laugh at himself about his hair. There seemed to be a human being in there somewhere, so it can't have been easy for him to sit still for the short lecture, delivered in fluent, quasi-business bullshit, by his father, of all people, on national television.

I'd be willing to bet Ian applied to the show in the first place in the vain hope he'd be out of touch with Dad for a bit.

He can't have learned very much from the old bugger, after all - Jamie Oliver grew up in a pub too, and it's hard not to feel he'd have made a better fist of that task anyway, at the same age.

Anyway at this stage, I'm guessing Jennifer to win. She evaporates when there's any trouble, but when there's kudos to be had (as with the menus this time) she's right there.

In a suitably demure way. Unless Alan feels like he can break Raef (who wouldn't take the job in any case) and unless Simon, by some as yet unforseen set of circumstances, doesn't let the light and the space put a zap on his head, Jennifer seems like this year's Apprentice. Gold help her immortal soul.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
10:04 / 11.04.08
unless Simon, by some as yet unforseen set of circumstances, doesn't let the light and the space put a zap on his head

what ... are you on about ...?
 
 
Alex's Grandma
15:51 / 11.04.08
I think he's wired too tight for The Apprentice, and will crack up under the pressure. Being in Bosnia's nothing compared to being in business, that sort of thing.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
09:50 / 17.04.08
Well, after that almost prescient message from AG, I think we have to wonder exactly which little white-haired old lady on The Apprentice has been moonlighting on Barbelith?

Aha, Margaret! Busted! Or not.

But anyway - the photography task. Oh dear. I think I was chewing my worry-blanket pretty much from the moment that they had that close-up of Simon going "Oh YES!" with his face. "They wouldn't have left that in if he'd won the task," I thought, and I was right.

Thought the other team definitely had the right idea with the Beckham look-alike, although it seems that Simon's Fall of the Roman Empire/Turkish Harem glamour set-up reeled them in too. I mean what Bluewater lady doesn't like swathes of shiny shiny satin and acres of bling? Honestly though?

Claire really irritated the hell out of me by being one of those people who CANNOT SHUT UP, whose response to every attempt to make them listen is to tell you that YOU'RE not listening, who just makes me want to stab and stab and stab. God she was SO annoying; extremely divisive (all the giggling in the back office with Alex and Jenny taking the piss out of Simon) and just fucking rude and unhelpful the rest of the time.

I think the ONLY reason she's still in there (WHY, SirAlan, WHY?) is that she won the fish task in the first week and lovely though Simon is, he absolutely ballsed up this one. I believe it was the first time any of the teams had made a loss this series - ah well, at least they've broken the seal now. The fuckups can get much, much worse from now on ...

... but I cannot believe how utterly gracious Simon was in defeat. He massively went up in my estimation (not that I didn't feel the love for him beforehand). I feel he would have been magnificent at Isandlhwana (sp?) Now someone give him his own TV series, for God's sake. The expression on his face when he said he'd be back putting up satellite dishes next week just cracked my heart into pieces.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
11:29 / 17.04.08
A scene I'd like to see, later in the series;

'You've been trying to cover your arse all the way through this series, haven't you Alex?'

'If I was working for you Siralan, I would never try to cover my arse.'

He has the furtive look of a treacherous minor royal in a Jacobean history play.

Anyway, Simon probably deserved that, I fear. As painful as it might have been, he'd have been better off keeping Alex and Clare where he could see them and, in particular, giving poor old Michael something to do for once. While perhaps not the most competant guy (although he must be good at something), Michael presumably wouldn't have actively been trying to wreck the task

It's interesting how the group looks to have split itself up this year, though; there seems to be a backwards group that no one rates (Lucinda, Michael, Sara, dear departed Simon), a set of B-listers (Clare, Alex, Kevin, Lindi, Velociraptor Jenny), and a definite A set (Raef, other Jenny, possibly Helen) that the others defer to. And weirdly, everyone seems to know where they fit in the pecking order.

I wonder if they've been spending more time in the house this series?

Prediction for next week, anyway; Clare to win the task as team leader (thus sowing the seeds of her own destruction - she'll be totally insufferable afterwards) and Lucinda to show a surprising amount of steel as project manager for the other side, possibly so much so that she saves her ass in the boardroom.
 
 
Not in the Face
12:40 / 17.04.08
AG, while I think your prediction is likely accurate (although Claire has probably reached insufferable levels now. Her report to the group notably omitted (was edited?) the fact SirAlan was sick of the sight of her) I don't see that that A and B listers have quite accepted their positon. Helen in particular showed a complete disaster and Alex and Kevin on arse covering alone are A graders, despite Alex's mistake yesterday. Raef's position on the a A-list is probably down to the fact he simply can't conceive that others shouldn't follow his lead. With Simon and Nicholas gone he's also the only one who seems to have some personality about him.

My money is on Lee to come forward as a late contender. He's been pretty quiet to date but somehow I get a feeling he'll be the one pulling the old codger's heart strings as the working class lad made good.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
17:48 / 17.04.08
Well, Helen would have argued that the problems on her team were Lucinda's fault, but I take your point. As project manager, she'd have struggled a bit if her team had gone arse up, certainly. And she might get fired next week if she 'does a Claire' while Lucinda's in charge; on this week's showing, the increasingly vocal Nick seems to have her in his crosshairs.

The categories were a bit arbitrary - who knows what Lindi thinks, for example, or as you say, Lee, who I rate too.

But, in Apprentice time, I get the feeling that the B-list are now aware of the subject being changed when any one of them walks into the room, in a way that I'm guessing doesn't happen if Raef or Jennifer arrive on the scene.

I'd have liked to have seen more on what Raef actually did when he was team leader; Kevin's attempt to 'rally the troops' a week later would imply a speech by Raef worthy of Churchill, but as far as I know it wasn't broadcast.

Lee though, may yet surprise. I just worry he might start eating people (not in a good way) if things go wrong when he's running the task. If he can keep a cool head he could go all the way, but the other week's 'Lee is not happy' speech was troubling, in this respect. In the Twenty First century, only the Incredible Hulk can refer to himself in the third person, really.
 
 
Whisky Priestess
11:35 / 24.04.08
Jennifer: "They said I came across as cold"

A silent, icy chill sweeps through the room ...

Perfect. It seems that mid-range robot sex doll Jennifer is, in fact, the new Jenny. Let the backlash begin! Poor Lindi came across as inifinitely nicer but really not all that good at anything bar sales - and not even really on top of things in that area either.

Lindi, Raef and Jennifer refused to be split up by Lucinda because (to quote Jennifer) they'd "worked our arses off making those appointments". Except that half the appointments were pointless, seeing as they were taking coals to Newcastle, as it were.

I'd be amazed if the Heston Blumenthal-esque avocado and chilli flavour was anything other than dog-rough, though.
 
 
Spaniel
14:20 / 24.04.08
I've eaten similar - woz surprisingly nice in small quantities.
 
 
bjrn
21:57 / 24.04.08
I wanted Lucinda's team to win this task. They seemed to be doing so well. Okay, not well, with the pointless appointments, but the other team were doing even worse.

Alex goes on covering his arse, gladly telling the camera about everything that is done wrong. He should be careful and not overdo it, or there'll be a "if you knew things weren't going well, why didn't you fix them?" moment in the board room.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
03:39 / 25.04.08
I was a bit disappointed by Jennifer's performance this week. What possessed her to lay into Lucinda before the results were announced?

All right, she hates Lucinda (all the girls, apart from the increasingly likeable Sara obviously do) but to be so upfront about it when there was no need was a good example of playing a strong hand badly, I felt. She'd been doing so well up until then - perhaps she scented Lucinda's blood, but what a mistake.

This year Nick and Margaret have been more to the fore, and perhaps because they've been working for one for God knows how long, they appear to have little time for bullies.

And I suspect they're still a bit gutted about not noticing Katie Hopkins soon enough last year, as it were; I bet they get ribbed about that at dinner parties, even now.

Not sure who's going to win now; I still like Lee, but he's potentially so unstable.
 
 
Not in the Face
14:10 / 25.04.08
Difficult position Lucinda is in. On one hand her facial expression shows how much pain it causes her to report that Jennifer is a snake but on the other hand she is quite happy to do it. Not saying the former is a front, and seemed genuine, but I suspect it will come across as such to the others and/or lead SirAlan to decide that 'in business you can't feel the other person's pain'. Even more unfortunately unless SirAlan mixes the teams up, the three will be together next week, giving the fear to whichever poor fool is project manager. I hope Lee avoids the fallout.

As well as being quite unlikeable Claire was also disastrous being in charge and was very lucky to avoid the chop. Sadly she's not evil enough to really look forward to her comeuppance. raef is developing is little nervous pause whenever he hears something he thiks is wrong, often with a turn of the head away from whoever was so distasteful.
 
 
Not in the Face
09:00 / 01.05.08
Well not really that surprising in terms of who was out. As soon as it was clear Kevin had left 2 hours to prepare and tried to shift the job to someone else you knew he was doomed.

More interestingly was the fallout on Sara. While in a heavily edited show like this, ascribing attributes on the basis of discussion in the house is always dangerous I'm going to do so anyway. She has been presented as being quite different in team work style to the other female candidates (bar Luncinda). The dominant orthodoxy, particularly amongst the female candidates, is obviously to shout as loudly and angrily as possible to win your argument in the team which doesn't seem to be Sara's style. It seems no surprise that both Lucinda and Sara seem to be being ostracised for not complying with this model and it seems the signals sent by particularly the Jennies and Claire to the others are that its ok to pick on those who are in some way different to how they expect a female apprentice of SirAlan to act/dress. Hence Kevin's ludicrous choice of her and then Lee's bizarre (drunken?) rant especially as she seemed to have the only idea that might make money.

Of course perhaps there was also a scene where Sara told them all to get stuffed rather than sitting there taking it and that was edited to create an 'easier' perspective for the viewer and highlight Raef's quite comendable intervention which raises questions of editorial balance. After all, although I don't know what she does in international car dealership I can't imagine that its a place where unassertive people prosper.

Given the way the programme is presented it is hard to say whether this bizarre group attack on Sara is motivated by racism or simply as I've said an undercurrent of rejecting those who don't conform to a model of behaviour. Of course the flip side is that the editing is itself extremely subjective - Sara and Lucinda are both clearly looked down upon but are edited very differently.

Raef I think now becoming a firm favourite. Alex increasingly does nothing other than whinge and is clearly terrified of putting his neck out. The loss of his partner-in-hair will only confirm that. I expect he'll last two more shows and then go as the numbers get whittled down. Michael is out as soon as SirAlan has an excuse. Amongst the women I think a Lucinda / Sara final would be interesting but I suspect one, if not both, of them will fall to the bullying as even though SirAlan has noticed it they clearly won't get support as team leader
 
 
bjrn
20:47 / 01.05.08
It was silly of Kevin to bring Sara into the boardroom. Although I don't think it would have made much of a difference if he'd brought Jenny back, between his lack of preparation for the pitching, the awful pitching and him being the PM, he was doomed.

There were some hints that Sara might become a target in the boardroom, but the force of it was a bit unexpected to me. And Lee's rant was a bit weird too, he wasn't even on Sara's team... oh well. I wonder what kind of things we haven't seen, and I'm really curious how much time they spend together in the house between tasks.

As for Sara and Lucinda making it far in the series, my thoughts are that if everyone's against you, there's only so far you can go. I think it'll be difficult for both Lucinda and Sara to get to the final four, too difficult.
 
  

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